Demi Moore recently posed for the cover of W magazine.
WHY? Does anyone care?

What the hell is she wearing? This metallic swimsuit toga with epilettes reminds of something out of the movie Mad Max. Who picked out this silly frock?
And talk about smoke and mirrors! Her photo must of had to jump through hoops to achieve the more than obvious photo shop and airbrush -a-rama. If her name was not on the cover, I wouldn’t have known it was her.

There comes a time when someone should just accept that they are getting older, and stop trying to nip and tuck their way back to their youth. When everyone knows your age and they see little evidence of any aging, people just think it’s ridiculous and fake.

Although of course Demi, (make sure you pronounce it De-MEE, ick) completely denies that she has ever had any plastic surgery. Yeah, OK De-MEE. *laughs holding sides*

To make everyone really roll their eyes even more…
Apparently, Ms. Brat Pack has just announced that she would like to be called a puma rather than a cougar.

Bitch please… you are forty seven years old. Pumas are women in their thirties dating older men. Your barking up the wrong tree Ms. Hot Flash!

I never cared for Demi Moore. 
She is not that talented and completely full of herself. Top that off with her early interest in Scientology… and that really sealed the deal for me. Thank you Bruce Willis who had the common sense to put his foot down and say no to his kids being raised as Scientologists. Bravo Bruce!

But of course on the other hand, she is seen everywhere with that silly red Kabala string around her wrist. I guess they photo shopped it out of the pictures? 
Kutcher and her also got married by a Kabalah minister or whatever the heck. Silly celebutards. *Rolls eyes*

So on to her MUCH younger and prettier half, Ashton Kutcher.
Women are still crazy over him, and I think he was once perceived as a likable fun loving character. But now I think everyone just looks at him and thinks he is pretty much whipped by Demi and has lost totally his mojo. woo pah!

It seems that Ashton doesn’t do much of anything any more, except those stupid camera commercials. Not that he was some great big talent before. He has his Punk’d show and some crappy movies he did. But what does he do now? Or have I missed something major?

Same goes for Demi. What has she done lately? Would anyone take the risk and hire her for one of their movies? That seems very doubtful.

One thing that Demi has been busy doing, is biding her time by tweetin’ on Twitter. She loves to tweet about guess who? Ashton of course. All about their ooey gooey romance. Made me throw up a little. 

Yeah ok, we get it Demi, you landed yourself a young one with a pretty face. WE KNOW. Now what?

Eonline wrote:

Demi Moore is on the cover of December’s W wearing a festive holiday getup. The reigning Queen of Twitter talks about (what else?) being a cougar and how great Ashton Kutcher is. Feels like we’ve heard this all before from the actress, but let’s do it anyway.

While everyone considers Demi to be the O.G. cougar, she doesn’t see it that way.

“I’m certainly not the first person to be in a relationship with a younger man, but somehow I was plucked out as a bit of a poster girl,” she says.

“I don’t know why that is. But I just kind of step back sometimes and say, ‘There is some reason, and what is it that I have to share in a positive way?’ I’d prefer to be called a puma.”

(”Puma” is already used to describe women in their 30s who go for younger men, so 47-year-old Demi doesn’t really fall into that category. But she thinks “she came up with the new designation,” so maybe it’s best to let her go on believing that?)

Now about her 31-year-old husband. She loves him. A lot.

“The most overwhelming part of meeting someone that you already felt you had such a deep and old connection with is that your feelings are greater than the time you’ve had to actually be with one another. Now we’ve had the physical time together. The love he has for me makes me a better person by giving me the courage to take risks. I can fail and have someone who loves me just the same. I never knew it was quite possible.”

If she’s not gushing about her hubby on Twitter, she’s gotta gush somewhere. Now let’s wrap this up with a photo of Demi looking like she’s ready to join the next round of Dancing With the Stars. (That’ll happen at some point, right?)

So what about that dress that E is talking about?
Here it is below.

Hey Demi! The ’80’s called they want their dress back!
And what is that thing on her thumb? A grey bandage? Or am I seeing that wrong?

Such an awful pose she struck with that boney chicken wing of an arm sticking out. Why would W magazine and Demi approve of that picture? Were the other pictures to pick from that much worse? Hard to imagine.

Back to the inigma of their relationship.
I wonder if Demi’s cub (Ashton) will still be into making love to a 65 year old saber tooth when he turns a meer 49 years old?

Hey Demi, I hope you’re up for a hoo-ha rejuvenation? Or have you already had one? Well by the time you hit 65, you will be in need of yet another hoo-haw hoist anyways, because gravity is not kind.

Ashton was and still is considered quite the looker. I doubt he will ever have a shortage of women who want to jump his bones. He’s only 31 years old and has his whole life ahead of him. The older he gets… the better the young ones are going to start to look to him. It’s usually the way it goes. Sorry, fact of life. Get over it.

And don’t start with the “if Demi was a man, it would be more accepted” BS.
It goes both ways.

I have a friend who married a MUCH older man. They have a huge age difference. She did NOT marry him for money, he didn’t have any money. She still loves him of course, but the more he ages, the more his personality is changing, and he wants to do less and less. He is pretty content with just sitting around and watching TV when he is not working and of course that is normal for many. She jokes about him being a senior citizen, but I know it’s really starting to bother her. And no my friend is not shallow. I think when they got married, she convinced herself that his age wouldn’t be an issue. But now that he is in his sixties and he is changing his ways, she wishes for the younger man she married. It happens.

But maybe Ashton will feel differently.
Maybe he will stay with Demi, even when her ta-tas go completely south for the second time and she has to keep dying her pubes, so the rug will match the drapes. (ok, now I am grossing myself out) 

Hey Demi! I wouldn’t hire any cute young things as maids to hang around the house, if you catch my drift. And I think it would be a little tough to see Ashton smooching it up with a younger gal in a movie. Which has already happened. And as much as Demi acts like she is secure about their relationship, there’s bound to be insecurities. Especially when some of the girls are twenty years younger than her. It’s normal.

And what if Ashton wants to be a baby daddy? What if he wants his own kids? That has to weigh heavy on Demi too, especially that her baby making years are over. I know he considers Demi’s kids as his own, but it’s not the same as having your own child. He may be filled with a lot of regret when he gets a little older for not having one of his own.

Ashton still has PLENTY of time left for that. But Demi? Nope! She is done. I guess they can always hire a surrogate. But again, not the same.

Only time will tell if this puma cougar can hold on to her cub.
Who knows… maybe Demi will leave Ashton for a younger cub!

Not sure how many lives out of nine that Demi the puma cougar has already used.
I am just telling it like it is.

FYI… In the animal kingdom….
Cougars and pumas (and mountain lions) are all one in the same.
But don’t tell Demi that… she will then want to be called a kitten. MEOW!

It wasn’t too long ago, that we reported that David Hasselhoff aka The Hoff  had once again fell off the wagon.

Who can forget Hoff in a drunken stupor laying on the floor eating a hamburger and his daughter Taylor filming the whole thing. In the  sad video, you can hear his daughter pleading with him and asking him to promise her that he will stop drinking.

Well I guess her wishes are trashed once again. As Hoff got totally trashed at Simon Cowell’s b-day bash recently.
He was SO trashed, that Hoff tried to punch his assistant because his assistant called for help. Hoff missed the assistant, and punched a doctor by mistake. He was then locked up in the hotel basement until the ambulance arrived.
Bravo Hoff! Way to go!

So I guess when he means don’t hassle the Hoff, you best not hassle the Hoff!

Eonline reported:

America’s Got Talent judge David Hasselhoff clearly has a talent…for bad publicity, if nothing else. According to reports, the Baywatch bruiser and popular-in-Germany crooner had too much to drink and slugged the doctor at his London hotel after returning from Simon Cowell’s birthday bash.

The semi reliable New York Post and the oft-dubious U.K. Sun report that Hasselhoff was actually trying to slug his assistant for calling the doctor. According to a source close to the actor, “David was furious and lashed out at him—but he mistakenly hit the doctor.”

The source added that, “David is very hard to handle when he drinks, often very emotional and aggressive. On this occasion he…was becoming a real pain to the staff.”

Hasselhoff reportedly had to be locked in the hotel basement until an ambulance arrived, according to the Sun. He was later taken to London’s Capio Nightingale Hospital, where he reportedly spent two nights in a private room before being released yesterday.
Stay tuned.

“Stay tuned” for what?
There have been SO many reports of Hoff crawling back into that bottle. He was denied boarding a plane at London’s Heathrow airport a while back because he was so lit. Of course his reps denied he was drunk.

He was recently hospitalized because he was found dizzy and unstable. His reps again denied he was drinking and said that the rumors were “complete fabrications” and that Hoff was taking anti nausea drugs for recovering alcoholics.
Uh… sorry, I am not buying it.

To continually hear that Hoff is not getting any better is just sad. Hoff has a huge following, especially in Germany and I am sure his fans are rooting for him to kick that bottle to the curb.

There are also many Knight Rider fans out there. Too bad Kitt wasn’t around to tell Hoff to knock it off. Maybe he would listen to Kitt. Nothing else has worked.

I always thought Hoff was a big goofball, but of course I still wish him the best. He has two beautiful daughters who need him to be a responsible father. Or at least awake at the very least.
But so far, he continues to jump off the wagon.

So back to his recent escapade…

The superficial, another source wrote:

The bender began at the weekend when the US actor joined about 400 A-listers at X Factor supremo Simon Cowell’s posh birthday party. He got smashed and was escorted out of a side door and back to the hotel.
A source close to the star said: “David is very hard to handle when he drinks, often very emotional and aggressive. On this occasion he became so drunk he wet his hotel bed – ruining two mattresses – and was becoming a real pain for staff. His assistant Joe Townley was so concerned he called out a doctor. David was furious and lashed out at him – but mistakenly hit the doctor.
“They decided they had no option but to lock him in the basement until an ambulance arrived.”

Well Hoff is definitely off my holiday party guest list this year. *snicker*

But seriously, Hoff’s reps can’t keep lying for him. It becomes more than obvious that he has not stopped drinking. You can only cry wolf so many times.

Hey Hoff, once again….
Please get your sh*t together. Climb back on that wagon, there is plenty of room.
If not for yourself, then at least do it for your two beautiful daughters.

Courtney Love.
Just the name conjures up the feeling of Ewww.

Courtney has her knickers in a bunch (when are they not in a bunch?) over the way Activision used ex hubby Kurt Cobain’s image in Guitar Hero 5.

The agreement was to supposedly have Cobain sing only two songs in the game, which of couse incuded “Smells Like Teen Spirit“.  But Cobain’s character in the game is an unlockable character.

Cobain Ala Activision

For all you non gamers out there, an unlockable character means the gamer can make the image do other things. Like sing other performer’s songs.

So Love and former Nirvana band mates, David Grohl and Krist Novoselic, were not too tickled when they found out that Cobain is singing songs by Jon Bon Jovi and Bush in the game. (the band Bush that is, not Dubya, although that would be a riot)

Ex Nirvana band members were quoted about their dismay:

“While we were aware of Kurt’s image being used with two Nirvana songs, we didn’t know players have the ability to unlock the character,” they said.
“This feature allows the character to be used with any kind of song the layer wants. We urge Activision to do the right thing in ‘re-locking’ Kurt’s character so that this won’t continue in the future.”

Courtney called the avatar “vile” and “necrophilic” and Twittered:

” This Guitar Hero shit is breach of contract. I think Kurt would despise this game alone let alone this avatar.. We are going to sue the shit out of Activison”

When it comes to vile and necrophilic. Ms Love takes the cake.
We all know how vile she can be. And someone would have to be into necrophilia to be attracted to her these days.

As of late, Love has been looking mighty bad. The recent photo below, shows her beyond scrawny and way up there on the “Ewwww” scale.

Love Looking Like Death Warmed Over

 
I think it’s pretty cool that Activision agreed to include Cobain in their game at all. Love and ex band members should be thankful that Activision is keeping his memory and Nirvana’s music alive.

The ex band members are asking Activision to come up with a patch, so Cobain’s character stays locked. Fair enough, but a computer geek friend told me it can’t be done once the game is out. Don’t know if this is totally correct.

Love has her lawyer, Keith A. Finch on the case and he seems to think she indeed has a case.

Finch said,
“Activision was not given an unbridled right to use Kurt Cobain’s name and likeness. As for Cobain, his journals suggest that he’d be less than pleased about a game that shows him belting out “You Give Love A Bad Name”.
Writing about Bon Jovi in the late 1980’s, he issued a one word review: Evil.”

Well, I am not a fan of Bon Jovi myself, but I think the word evil to describe them is a bit silly and over the top. I am sure if Cobain was still alive today, I think his opinion would have matured a bit.

Besides, Nirvana was nothing to write home about. Nirvana themselves weren’t some ultra fabulous band. They were nothing more than a 90’s garage grunge band that literally “stepped in it”. And don’t even get me started on Love’s band “Hole”.

But hey, that’s my taste. Obviously if Nirvana sold over twenty-five million albums in the US, and over fifty million worldwide, they were very much admired.

But why some people continue to think that Cobain was some sort of iconic rock God is beyond me. He was a junkie who had a very short career, a raspy nothing voice and he had an average band. He met Love in 1990, they got married in 1992, and Cobain shot himself in 1994. (supposed self inflicted gun shot wound)
Many people blame Love for Cobain’s untimely demise. I guess we will never actually know the truth.

If you are driving around Aberdeen, Washington, you will see a sign which reads, “Welcome To Aberdeen Come As You Are”, which was purchased by the Kurt Cobain Memorial Committee back in 2004 as a tribute to Cobain. If you are not famaliar with Nirvana’s music… “Come As You Are” is of course one of their songs.

Let’s also not forget that Love and Cobain had a daughter, Francis Bean. I am sure her life has been far from enchanted due to her father’s death and her whacked out mother. 

So back to the lawsuit…
Ms. Love is not a stranger to lawsuits by any means. That is, people suing HER of course.

She was recently sued this past May by American Express for not paying $350,000 in charges. (gee I thought my card was bad)

Contactmusic.com wrote:

COURTNEY LOVE is facing a legal battle with American Express over the credit card company’s claims she has racked up more than $350,000 (£233,000) in unpaid charges.
The firm filed suit against Love in the U.S. District Court on Wednesday (27May09), demanding the rocker pay off the staggering debt on her Gold card.

The former Hole frontwoman had her plastic privileges suspended after she “failed and refused” to clear the balance, according to the lawsuit.
Love has been continuously struggling with her finances in recent years – it emerged in April (09) she had hired a team of private investigators to reclaim the millions of dollars she alleged were stolen from her late husband Kurt Cobain’s estate.
And just last year (08), Love was sued for $1 million (£667,000) by London & Co., an accounting firm which charged the star had failed to pay them profits from the sale of Cobain’s share of the Nirvana publishing catalogue.
A spokesperson for Love was unavailable for comment as WENN went to press.

 
Well, isn’t that interesting? She has two huge companies suing her.
Doesn’t stop there…
She also is being sued by her former body guard for $60,000.

TMZ wrote:

It costs a lot of money to keep the world safe from Courtney Love – her former bodyguards say she stiffed them out of $60,000 this year.

Screen International Security Services filed a lawsuit today in L.A. County Superior Court, claiming they provided “security services, in connection with the protection of Love, her family members, and her property” between April and August of this year.

SISS says Love never paid a penny for services rendered — totaling $58,222.50 — and are suing for the full amount plus interest.

Love’s attorney just sent us the following statement:

“This lawsuit should be placed in the Wikipedia page next to chutzpah. It has no merit and is based on a private security company’s attempt to fleece a celebrity.

SISS is claiming it is owed money for providing around the clock security for Ms. Cobain and her daughter at the St. Ives home for a period of time she and her daughter were NOT living at that home but were living at the Chateau Marmont. SISS has no written agreement with Ms Cobain to support their claim and on its face it is ludicrous.”

SISS was paid a substantial sum for the “service” it provided while they were living at that home. Despite knowing that Ms. Cobain and her daughter had moved out of the home they continued to provide security to an empty home by having someone sit in a car all day eating a ham sandwich while the Cobains were residing miles away!!!

AND her snarkiness doesn’t end there.
In 2007, Love was also quoted as saying,

 “I’m going to have a Christie’s auction,” to hock the bulk of Cobain’s belongings with a portion going to charity.”

I don’t know if this auction ever took place, I couldn’t find anything else about it.”

So do you think Love is really upset over this whole Guitar Hero thang? Or is she looking for some quick cash in all the wrong places? (see what I did there?)

Her lawsuit with Activision is starting to “smell like ”GLEAN” spirit to me”. *snicker*

Seems to me, that she has been living off Kurt’s fame and money for years, and doesn’t plan on stopping.
The lyrics from her song, “Celebrity” say it all.
“Use Once and Destroy“.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for performers getting credit where credit is due. And if there is a huge copyright issue, then it should be dealt with.

I think Cobain being included in Guitar Hero 5 was a compliment and an honor to both Cobain and the remaining members of Nirvana. And now Cobain will be forever immortalized in the gaming world. If gamers want to be more respectful, I guess they can always choose for Cobain to only sing the two songs by Nirvana. Easy solution. Those who don’t care, will have him wailing Bon Jovi.

As far as Courtney Love?  
What about your daughter Francis Bean Courtney? 
Doesn’t she deserve better?
Clean up your act and grow up woman.
And for God’s sakes, wash your hands and clean those damn fingernails!

Love’s Fingernails Looks Like She Clawed Her Way Out Of A “Hole”

No I am not talking about his bathroom habits or Britney.

It looks like K-Fed is a real dirty bird and may end up as a jail bird if he doesn’t pay up!

TMZ posted pictures on their website which revealed the total mess and supposed damage that K-Fed left behind when he moved out of his rental property in Tarzana Ca. Gee K-Fed, just because you lived in Tarzana, didn’t mean you had to live like Tarzan. *snicker*
 
So I guess it is a case of white trash, leaving trash. No surprise there.

Although TMZ may have exaggerated things a bit, the place did look pretty darn unsavory. Most of the pictures they posted were kind of boring though. *Yawn*
But we included the two pictures that made K-Fed look like a total slob.

Laundry Day At The Federlines?

Other pictures from TMZ were almost laughable, like a few tiles missing here and there, or paint wear on the cabinets with a few knobs missing.

There was one picture of an outdoor lamp that looks like there was a bird’s nest behind it. Not sure where they were going with that one. Did they think K-Fed built the nest? Oh that’s right, he is a dirty bird. *snicker*

Of course the mini fridge was pretty disgusting and there was a myriad of ciggy butts all over the property and a busted lamp and some chips in assorted things here and there.

So I guess collectively it must have looked pretty darn bad to the owners. So bad, that the owners are asking for over $100,000.00 in payback for repairs and back rent. Yup! K-Fed skipped out on SIX MONTHS rent. Whoopsy!

Popeater wrote:

One-time rapper Kevin Federline, aka “K-Fed,” is being asked to pay over $100,000 in unpaid rent and damages for a ransacked home, TMZ reports.

Aren’t the parents supposed to clean up after the kids? One-time rapper Kevin Federline, aka “K-Fed,” is being asked to pay over $100,000 in unpaid rent and damages for a ransacked home, TMZ reports.

K-Fed has been accused of trashing a Tarzana, California home where he lived until this past May. The owners also claim Federline disappeared unexpectedly without paying his last 6 months of rent.

The owners are demanding $110,661 in damages and unpaid accommodation. The list of what has been wrecked is as bizarre as it is exhaustive. Via TMZ:

- Cigarette butts and empty beer bottles filling the gutters,
- A broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island,
- Cracked light covers,
- Mangled light posts,
- Cracked tiles,
- Drawings on the walls,
- Dead plants and trees due to failure to upkeep,
- Unapproved conversion of a room into a studio,
- Malfunctioning dishwasher with broken baskets,
- Smoke detectors that have been dismantled,
- Oil damage on the front driveway,
- Unapproved tinting of master bathroom windows,
- Missing garage door opener,
and the pièce de résistance
- Permanent spit marks on the exterior paint! No camels were reported on site.

The letter threatens to take K-Fed to court if he refuses to pay.

Federline, 31, is a dancer, rapper, fashion model and, ahem, actor. He was married to pop princess Britney Spears for two years before their highly-publicized divorce. They were also involved in an ongoing custody battle over sons Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline. There is no word about how clean the boys’ rooms are.

“Permanent spit marks” Huh? Maybe from chewing tobacco? Does K-Fed or his buddies partake in a little pinch between the cheek and gums? (that’s chewing tobacco for all you non-rednecks) if not, does spit actually stain paint? Ewww!

And lately, K-Fed has not exactly been the picture of health either, he is really packing on the pounds as you can clearly see.

I have read rumors that he was supposed to be on the upcoming VH1 Celebrity Fit Club Season 7, but then he denied those rumors.

But guess what? Celebrity Fit Club has just confirmed it.

Can it be that K-Fed is packing on the pounds on purpose so he can have a paying gig? It certainly looks that way to me. It seems awfully ironic that a person who has always looked very svelte, suddenly packs on the pounds and then is going to be on Celebrity Fit Club. Hmmm… I smell a rat.

Of course this is all speculation on my part. But I wouldn’t put it past Sean and Jayden’s baby daddy to supersize himself for the cash. Yes of course I know that the pictures prove he is portly now, but did he graze on food just so he can get on the show?

And if so… it further proves that reality TV has little reality.

He will also be appearing with his other ex, Shar Jackson as well as perpetual loser and Whitney Houston’s ex,Bobby Brown.

Egad, “Celebrity Fit Club” will do anything for ratings. Perhaps they can bring back Dustin Diamond (I hate Screech) with K-Fed and they can duke it out in the ring together. Now your talking ratings! I don’t know who I would root for. It’s  a toss up, but a double KO would be totally SWEET!

But seriously…

It’s time to grow up KEVIN. You’re over thirty, your career *cough* is toast, and your living like a slob. Your parenting skills have become pretty questionable now, (well, I should say have worsen) since you are not paying your bills and you turned a rental property into a total sh*t hole in your wake. Not cool when there are kids involved.

So to K-Fed… time to nut up or shut up.

Every once in a while you read something that just makes you cringe and say, Oh come on!
This is one of those stories.

Apparently, Simon Cowell has written a letter, excuse me… a VERY LONNNNNNG letter to his younger self and it was published in the Daily Mail. I didn’t read all of it, because #1…. I have a life, and #2… it was just making me cringe so much I was getting a crick in my neck. And also one of my pet peeves is someone talking in the third person.

First off, who does this? 
Or if you are so silly to do so, do you have it published so everyone can say EWWWWW and think you are a total douche? Really, can Simon be any more full of himself?

Simon must have started at a very early age. The picture below is probably how Simon started out.

Simon Give Us Kiss Now.. You Handsome Dog!

He wrote this letter to himself because his 50th birthday is right around the corner on Oct 7th. I was speechless as I skimmed over the letter and just couldn’t believe what I was reading. We couldn’t post the whole letter here because it was beyond HUGE.

It’s best to read the entire letter yourself on the Daily Mail website.
The letter was entitled, “SIMON COWELL: A letter to my shallow, reckless, cocky younger self“.
I kid you not. Oh! Be sure to have a bucket handy. Click here and gag.

Eonline reported:

Simon Cowell’s Gone Soft (and Long-Winded) in His Old Age

Someone needs to pull the pen from Simon Cowell’s fingers.
While we love it when the crotchety American Idol judge decides to air his dirty laundry in public (that Susan Boyle botch list was a classic), is an absurdly lengthy diatribe really necessary?

On the cusp of his 50th birthday next week, Cowell wrote a letter to himself published in yesterday’s Daily Mail in the U.K. In it, he looks back on the past few decades, scolding himself for poor decisions he made in the ’80s and ’90s and patting himself on the back for the good ones.

It would be a good, self-deprecating, third-person about-face, but regardless of what he says, nearly 3,500 words makes for nothing but a puff (as in puff, the magic ego) piece.

“You are on a roll and you think the good times will last forever but, oh dear, Simon. You are so, so wrong,” he writes to the 1980s version of himself. “You look like a complete idiot…you are overconfident, far too cocky and dressed from head to toe in expensive designer gear…It hasn’t dawned on you yet, you idiot, that you can’t afford any of this stuff.”

Of course, Mr. Tight T-shirts takes it easy on himself for the final 1,000 words or so.

“I must say, despite everything, I’m quite proud of you, Simon,” he says. “You’re happy, you’re content and just incredibly grateful for where you are.”

Then he goes on to list what’s changed for him over the years—really important things like what he drinks and snacks on and how he doesn’t like to bum $5 from anyone. He pats himself on the back for never marrying because he’s such a workaholic, and for staying friends with his exes.

“Your job, Simon, was to make celebrities, not to become one yourself, dear boy,” he says. “Underneath it all, Simon, you are a realist. You don’t believe the hype about yourself. You can see what you do well and what you do badly. People think you are this Machiavellian character, forever plotting and scheming.”

He ends his diatribe as Hallmark would have intended—”So happy birthday! Love Simon”—although we’d hate to see the card size needed to print this self-loving loathing opus.

“Happy Birthday LOVE Simon“? I think I just threw up a little.

The definition for narcissism is as follows:

1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
2. Psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits

Well I am not sure if #3 applies to Simon, but it would not surprise me one iota!

His letter did remind me of a little poem from my grammar school days when people used to sign your autograph book when you graduated. The all so familiar ”roses are red” rhymes and those little clever ditties like “2 great, 2B, 4 gotten”.

No it wasn’t the “roses are red, violets are black, go sit on a tack“ rhyme that came to mind. (although it certainly would apply)

It was the following little poem, which I would like to dedicate to Simon on his upcoming 50th birthday….

You love yourself you think your grand..
You go to the movies and hold your hand.
You slip your arm around your waist…
And when you get fresh.. you slap your face!

With new reports of Cowell doing American Idol for another two years and also producing “The X Factor” in the US, he will be making over 100 million by this time next year. *shakes head*

It is quite obvious that he can care less that this letter to himself makes him look like a total conceited, pompous ass. Or maybe that is exactly what he wanted. His popularity seems to stay afloat by people loving to hate him.

Oh crap, I think I just contributed to that!
Touche’ Cowell!

This story really puzzled me. I really liked Randy Quaid. I enjoyed him in the FIRST National Lampoon’s Vacation and of course Kingpin, just to name a few, but I  had no idea that Quaid and his wife were such scumbags.

I was shocked to read that Randy and his wife skipped out of a local hotel after racking up a $10,000 bill. I was more shocked when I read that this wasn’t the first time they did this and that they were on the lamb.

They were later caught and arrested in Texas. They were charged with three felony counts. One of those was for burglary. WTF did they take ALL the towels from the hotel? Having their credit card declined was the icing on the cake. Wow.

Either they are flat broke, or maybe drugs are involved? I find it hard to believe that the Quaids would just do this for kicks.

So I dug a little and found out they also went after CBS a long time ago and also went after the makers of Brokeback Mountain.

Hmmm… I am starting to see a pattern of delusional thinking and a “the world owes us everything” complex.

 Eonline wrote:

It seems not even Hollywood stars are above the odd dine-and-dash. Or, in Randy Quaid’s  case, resort-and-dash.

The Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department has issued arrest warrants for the actor and his wife, Evi Quaid, after the duo allegedly skipped out on a $10,000-plus bill at a local hotel.

“The three charges that both are facing are burglary, defrauding an innkeeper and conspiracy,” sheriff’s spokesman Drew Sugars tells E! News. “All three are felonies in this case.”

While the reason for the defraud charge is apparent, the conspiracy and burglary counts were included as officers believe that the couple—who seem to have a history have a history of this type of behavior—never had any intention of paying for their stay.

Authories have not identified the hotel in question, but, according to RadarOnline, back in June the couple cozied up at the ultraluxe San Ysidro Ranch, only to be notified soon after their arrival that their credit card had been declined. The Quaids, who were nonetheless allowed to continue with their stay, told hotel management they were waiting for a replacement card to be sent to them.

In the meantime, they continued racking up their five-figure tab, eventually departing from the ranch a week later. Unfortunately, as went the Quaids, so went any hope of payment.

After what the hotel claims were multiple attempts at recouping the bill, management turned to police, who launched an investigation into the matter.

Should the on-the-lam duo be caught, their bail has been set at $20,000 each.

Randy Quaid no longer has a publicist and, like the sheriff’s department, we were unable to reach him for comment.

UPDATE: The Quaids were arrested in Marfa, Texas, Thursday for allegedly rooming and running at a local hotel. Bail has been set at $20,000 each.

To add to the drama, some snipettes from RadarOnline :

RadarOnline.com spoke to a source close to the investigation, who confirmed that Randy and Evi also owe the Hotel Bel-Air $17,000 in unpaid hotel bills and are holding on to a rental car that has been reported missing by Hertz Rent-A-Car.

Sources tell RadarOnline.com that Randy and Evi failed to return their rental car and are currently keeping it stashed away at their home in Marfa, Texas.

 
Back in 2008, RadarOnline reported:

26 members of the Lone Star Lovecast claimed Randy physically and verbally abused them, the Actors’ Equity Association banned the “Brokeback Mountain” star — brother of actor Dennis Quaid — for life and fined him more than $81,000 in February 2008.

 
From TMZ:

Randy Quaid’s wife allegedly went nuts on four people, claiming they were all a part of a Hitleresque plot against her husband.

Hitleresque plot?  *holding my sides while laughing* 
Yeah, ok Evi…. Paranoid much?

I guess I have been living under a rock. I had no idea that the Quaids were such loons. Randy Quaid has been in a myriad of movies over the years. Perhaps his hook up with nutty wife Evi has caused him to go off the deep end and throw his career away. 

Even if they are off their nuts, do the Quaids actually think that they are above the law and wouldn’t eventually be caught? Or are they drug addicts and just don’t give a crap?

I mean, this isn’t the 1970’s when stars got away with a lot more shenanigans way back when. What makes them think they can get away with running up hotel bills, stealing from hotels and not returning a rental car? *shakes head*. Sounds like they could be fueling a hefty cocaine addiction to me. Just saying….

In the words from the theme song from the 1970’s show Baretta … “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time”
(Speaking of which… Rober Blake? *cough* )

Not quite sure if the courts will only be giving the Quaids slaps on the wrists. Considering that this was not the first time they did this, their history of nuttiness and the amounts they owe these hotels are pretty darn steep.

If they only receive a slap on the wrist, then I blame the courts for letting stars live above the law. It happens all the time. Hello George Michael and other stars! You know who you are.

I sincerely doubt a slap on the wrist would act like much of a deterrent from the Quaids pulling another Bonnie and Clyde in the near future. I think their crimes would only get bigger.

Hey Quaids! Why not knock off a bank next? Who cares? After all you are the Mighty Quaids! Right?

I don’t think I will ever look at Randy Quaid again the same. And Evi? Never cared about her in the first place. Throw her punk ass in jail.

Randy on the other hand, seems to be getting more and more nuttier like his alto ego, “Cousin Eddy” every day. Ewwwww!

UPDATED PHOTO FROM ARREST:

I wish I was kidding as I write this story, but sadly Ryan O’neal just keeps inventing new ways to make people dislike him even more. He tells Vanity Fair that he is a “hopeless father” and he wished he was kinder to Farah. Ummm sorry, it’s too little and too late. We are all aware of O’Neal’s parenting skills (I use the term lightly) in the last couple of decades.  O’Neal has made quite a name for himself, and that name is not a kind one.You would think that Farah’s death would have humbled him a bit, but his latest interview reveals that some things never change.

Contributing editor, Leslie Bennets, of Vanity Fair interviewed O’Neal for their upcoming September issue. There are also excerpts from ONeal’s other family members as well. It is packed with plenty of O’Neal’s short comings. Gems like son Griffith, who tells of his father giving him cocaine when he was only eleven years old. Isn’t that such a nice father-son activity? I can just imagine what took place… It probably wasn’t ”hey Griffith you want to go pass the baseball in the yard?” It was probably more like ”hey Griff, you want to do a couple of lines man?” Dysfunctional family is a mild term. And when Leslie asked O’Neal about daughter Tatum’s autobiography, he hit the ceiling and said:

“She wrote a book–bitch! How dare she throw our laundry in the street for money!… She didn’t call after Farrah’s show. She’ll have to explain that.”

Tatum’s response:

He has every right to be angry about the book; no parent wants to hear their kid saying shitty things about them… But what I wrote in the book was true. I’ve got a battle with drugs, but I’m a strong, independent person, and I fight for myself, and my father and I butt heads. When I was 16 years old, he and Farrah moved in together, and after that I saw my dad periodically, and that took a long time for me to get over. Would I do that to my kids? No, but I don’t think Farrah was responsible for that. I truly thought Farrah was inspirational and beautiful and kind. Anyway, it’s past; I’ve moved on. I’m older now, and I forgive him.”

Aye-aye aye! What a train wreck. So you may be asking yourself, where does the title of this article come in? At Farrah’s funeral of course. Oh yes, apparently O’Neal hit on his own daughter at Farah’s funeral. WTF? Although O’Neal palms it off as merely not recognizing his own daughter (which was true according to Tatum), but what makes his behavior normal? Hitting on someone at your ex’s funeral?  Or ANY funeral for that matter?

Right after he had put Farah’s casket into the hearse, he hits on a woman and asks her for a drink and if she has a car? Geez! talk about being a complete and utter slimeball. O’Neal explains the situation, and says he was trying to be “funny”. Funny? In the words of the infamous and beloved Jackie Gleason… “Well Hardy… Har-Har”
Sadly daughter Tatum didn’t seem that shocked by it either, I guess over the years nothing about Tatum’s Dad would surprise her these days.

Here is O’Neal’s explanation of the “pick up” at the funeral and Tatum’s reply which was quoted in the Huffington Post:

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me,” Ryan told me. “I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me–Tatum!’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.”

And what did Tatum have to say?:

“That’s our relationship in a nutshell,” Tatum said when I asked her about it. “You make of it what you will.” She sighed. “It had been a few years since we’d seen each other, and he was always a ladies’ man, a bon vivant.”

A “bon vivant?” Oh Tatum you are way TOO kind. I would of been utterly disgusted and probably would have given him a big giant shove and told him where to go. The relationship he has with Tatum is so sad. One of my all time favorite movies is Paper Moon. If you haven’t seen it, it is SO worth the view. Paper Moon starred O’Neal as Tatum’s father “Mose” and a very young, brilliant and talented Tatum who played his daughter “Addie”.

The two were magic on the screen together. Although Tatum stole the entire movie in my opinion. There was one scene in the movie where O’Neal talks about having scruples, and Mose says to Addie:

“I got scruples too, you know. You know what that is? Scruples?

Addie’s reply: “No, I don’t know what it is, but if you got ‘em, it’s a sure bet they belong to somebody else”

So I guess O’Neal’s scruples have been long lost over the years. I never liked Ryan O’Neal after I learned of his dysfunctional behavior, his drinking and drugging and basically him being a piss poor excuse for a dad. But his latest interview REALLY cinched it. I am puzzled as to why he would want to bury his reputation even further. Perhaps he wants to come clean. Again, too little too late, and I think people will be further disgusted. Sorry Farah, I know he showed up for you in your final days, but where was he when you and your family needed him most? I hate to sound so cliche, but in O’Neal’s case, I think Joni Mitchell said it best:

“Don’t it always seem to go, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone”

Sadly…if O’Neal’s other son Redmond doesn’t get the help he needs and get off drugs, and his Dad continues to alienate other family members while he continues with his bouts of drinking and drugging, then that’s the tune that O’Neal will be singing. Your time to grow up and fly right is way overdue O’Neal. Strap on a pair and man up buddy!

It’s like some kind of precognition or something. Just this morning I was thinking about what it means to grow old with dignity, then for some odd reason, I thought of Pam Anderson and I figured “Hey, as long as I do the opposite of Pam, I am gold.”

Then I saw these pictures of the not-aging-well pin-up and thought how kind it was of Pam to give all women of the world a little ego boost. We can all point to Pam, regardless of how unattractive we may be individually, and say “Well, at least I look better than that.” Remember when Pam Anderson was the epitome of sexy icon? Now she’s like a caricature of all things gross and icky.

It’s not that she’s fat, she’s just really out of shape and wearing clothes far too small for her sagging frame. It’s not that she’s old, it’s that she refuses to accept her age and continues to cake on makeup like some kind of demented circus clown, without realizing it merely accentuates her prematurely lined and wrinkled face. Too much hard living will do that. Take note Lindsay Lohan, this is your future if you don’t get your shizzle together.

Pam, you have no shame, you never had class, you attention whoreish ways have lost their luster, and your empty shell of a soul continues to hop from one loser guy to another leaving a path of destruction in your wake. You clearly refuse to ever look at yourself in the mirror, both literally and figuratively. You are like an accelerated Paris Hilton. And that is NOT a compliment. Used up and without a clue. You are only 41 years old, yet you look twice that age.

I realize it’s none of my business how your conduct your deteriorating life, but have some damn dignity. Your children are still young enough to need good role models, but instead they have you and Tommy Lee. We don’t typically like to be so cruel here at Glosslip, but honestly, your whole shtick is way beyond it’s expiration date. This is public service we are performing.

Now, go home, get some rest, bathe, throw out whatever controlled substances you use to drown the pain and above all, scrub your face. In other words, act your damn age.

You’re welcome.

(for more vomit-inducing pics, go to dlisted.com, but bring a barf bag.)

Nadya Suleman, the mother of six who just had a litter of children (eight to be exact) is turning out to be WAY crazier than we all thought. Her PR folks tried to convince the public that once we knew the “real” Nadya we’d all fall in love with her.

Yeah, well my heart’s feeling something, but I don’t think it’s love.

Suleman’s eagerly anticipated interview with Ann Curry aired last night on NBC and apparently what we’ve learned about Nadya that we didn’t know before is SHE’S NUTS. She also lies and comes off as exceptionally selfish. We’ve also learned that 3 of her other six children have developmental issues, one has ADHD, one has autism and one has an disclosed developmental problem. Nadya also claims she isn’t obsessed with Angelina Jolie and did NOT have any kind of “work” done on her face to look more like the superstar also obsessed with children. Unfortunately for Nadya, there’s this thing called the internet and pictures don’t lie.

Here’s some transcript of the interview:

On why Nadya thinks she a good mother:

“I’m providing myself to my children. I’m loving them unconditionally, accepting them unconditionally.” Everything I do, I’ll stop my life for them and be present with them. And hold them. And be with them. And how many parents do that? I’m sure there are many that do, but many don’t. And that’s unfortunate. That is selfish.”

Dr. Nancy Snyderman, NBC’s chief medical editor disagrees and said just by virtue of having so many children she’s put her babies at risk:

Suleman said she was fully aware of the risks of carrying eight fetuses. “Those are my children, and that’s what was available,” she said. “It’s a gamble.”

In a separate segment, NBC’s chief medical editor, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, said the gamble didn’t end with the live births of all eight babies.

“That risk is not only to mom — her uterus can rupture and she can die — there’s a phenomenal risk to eight babies. Eight babies, by definition, cannot be born normal weight and robust,”

“They’re going to watch these kids very carefully for eating problems, growing [problems], and then seizures, jaundice, heart problems, lung problems, blindness, developmental delays — there’s a laundry list of things. Long term, because some of these children will be physically or mentally challenged, there’s a looming price tag out here. The hospital bill alone will run $1.5 to $3 million. Forget about getting to college; just to get through special-needs stuff — it’s going to have to come from somewhere, either the taxpayers of California or her family or her church or the hospital. But she can’t do it alone.”

So what about all that help and support. Nadya’s own mother, Angela Suleman, has openly criticized her’s daughter’s fertility decisions and claims she WON’T be there to help when she come home from the hospital. The other six children live with the elder Suleman and she continues to care for them while Nadya’s in the hospital:

Angela Suleman is taking care of the other six children, ages 2 through 7, at the family home in Whittier, about 15 miles east of downtown Los Angeles.

She said she warned her daughter that when she gets home from the hospital, “I’m going to be gone

Support system failure seems imminent, is the tax-payers turn to pay for her 14 children?

Curry reported that although Suleman has received disability payments from the state of California, she said she refuses to accept welfare payments. Suleman and her children live with her mother, Angela Suleman.

Curry said that Suleman said she intends to return to college in the fall to complete a master’s degree in counseling. Suleman had worked in a state mental hospital from 1997-2006, but spent much of the time after 1999 on disability after injuring her back in a riot at the facility.

That’s great, except it’s a lie. She accepts food stamps and assistance for her three disabled children. From the LATimes:

Nadya Suleman, the woman who gave birth to octuplets last month, is receiving $490 a month in food stamps, and three of her first six children are disabled and receiving federal assistance, her publicist confirmed to The Times.

Publicist Michael Furtney confirmed the information after two sources told The Times that Suleman was receiving food stamps and federal supplemental security income.

Suleman had told NBC News correspondent Ann Curry in an interview that she was not receiving welfare. Furtney said Suleman didn’t consider the food stamps and SSI to be welfare.

“In Nadya’s view, the money that she gets from the food stamp program … and the resources disabilities payments she gets for her three children are not welfare,” he said. “They are part of programs designed to help people with need, and she does not see that as welfare.”

Um, Nadya, I hate to break it to you, but that’s government assistance and based on what the doctor’s are saying about the inherent risks associated with multiple births, chances are pretty good at least one, if not several, or your octuplets will suffer the same fate as your other three disabled children. That’s a lot of public assistance.

I think the most glaringly obvious point in all this is that the medical community stood by and allowed this to happen. If nature would have been allowed to do it’s thing, this woman wouldn’t have 14 children which she is clearly ill-prepared to care for, not financially, physically or psychologically. This woman and her children are on a path headed for disaster.

I am sure all those conservative right wing groups who want to save every life, even the one’s which will be guaranteed a craptastic life are cheering! But when the final bill comes in for how much taxpayers had to shell out to care for Captain Crazy and her army of 14, I wonder how they will try and sell that to the American people.

All my criticism aside, I pray those little babies and her other six children are spared the harsh realities of life, we must remember it is NOT their fault mom’s a complete nutter.

We try not to acknowledge fame drop-out Jessica Simpson too often, it merely encourages her, and honestly, encouragement is the LAST thing she needs. But alas, sometimes Jess’ ability to draw unwanted attention to herself goes above and beyond, and even we can’t look the other way.

So, what did Jessica Simpson do besides wear that unfortunate ensemble, which also included a pair of “mom” jeans? Well, she spouted off at the mouth about her equally moronic boyfriend, Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo, whose career has taken a nosedive since she came into his life. Like we’ve said before, Jessica is an albatross, a bad omen, a curse upon the land. Oh, and she’s now relegated to singing at chili cookoffs (to be fair, there were 30,000 people there).

First the ensemble. Jessica is a pretty girl, there’s no doubt, but she’s also what Judd Nelson as John Bender from the great film The Breakfast Club would call a “Claire.” When Claire (played by the original firecrotch, Molly Ringwald) says, “I’m not fat,” Bender explains, “Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I’m not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there’s fat people that were born to be fat, and there’s fat people that were once thin but became fat… so when you look at ‘em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you’re gonna get married, you’re gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh…”

Yeah, so that describes Jessica, and I have found through empirical research that the more she blabs about her current love interest (for now, Tony Romo) the fatter she gets. Now, I have no problem if Jessica Simpson wants to be all puffy and bloated, that’s her business. But if she is going to get up on stage and sing at a chili cookoff wearing that redonkulous outfit, well then it becomes MY business.

And why is it that girls with big butts in Hollywood want to wear mom jeans anyway? In fact, when I did a Google search for “mom jeans” (I do NOT recommend doing this) this is the picture that came up. Yeah, Mischa Barton, I’m talking to you too.

As for Jessica’s lovelife blabbing (you can see where that’s gotten her, John Mayer, Nick Lachey anyone!), here’s what she’s had to say about her main man Tony Romo:

“I just told him today, ‘You’re the love of my life,’ ” she confesses in the latest cover story. “I don’t really ever say that to anybody.”

As for where the road with Romo, also 28, may take her, Simpson says, “I think any person who I’m gonna date for longer than six months, I definitely am investing in something long-term. If I get married again, then it will be the last time.”

I am so excited that I am going to see my boyfriend tonight!” the singer told a crowd of nearly 30,000 fans at Radio 99.9 Kiss Country’s annual Chili Cookoff Sunday at C. B. Smith Park in Pembroke Pines, Fla. “My boyfriend is a football player, and he takes up my Sundays and now my Mondays,” Simpson told the appreciative audience. “I am sooo happy!”

Jessica, here’s some advice for you. As a woman who has been working in the entertainment industry for at least the last ten years, I’d think you’d have figured out how this game works. Never EVER make bold proclamations about your love life, like when you said this, “After 9/11, I knew that I never ever wanted to be away from Nick ever for the rest of my life,” about your ex-husband Nick Lachey. See how that worked out? Not so good. Keep it vague, or better yet, keep it private!

To be perfectly frank, I have yet to figure out why this woman is famous. She’s not a great singer (got cut from the infamous Mickey Mouse Club, the one which spawned stars Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Ryan Gosling), her reality show (Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica) helped make her a household name, but at what cost? Not only did she end up ridiculed for not knowing the difference between chicken and tuna, the show’s meddling inference destroyed her marriage.

Jessica is like King Midas, except that everything she touches turns to caca because she’s such a nitwit. Big boobs and a pretty face are no replacement for talent. The only difference between you and Pamela Anderson is 13 years and a few STD’s. Consider this a kindness. I don’t want to hurt you, I want to stop feeling embarrassed for you.

There is no shame in quitting when your ability to fail is so apparent. Give in Jessica, get knocked up, get fat, let yourself go and finally wallow in that pit of mediocrity you know awaits you. I am not trying to be cruel, but rather giving you a way out. Trust me, this will not end well.

And Tony, as for you, this is your future buddy: