Do ya think?

I said that one even before this story came out, but since it’s in the Chicago Sun-Times I guess it’s now official.  Because, you know, they have “sources” while I just have good, old-fashioned deductive reasoning.  Seems that Tony got fed up with not just dorkager extraordinaire Joe Simpson but the paparazzi horde that swarms around Jessica every time she farts rainbows:

The Cowboy apparently explained he had ”really had it” with being a constant target of the paparazzi and the celebrity press in general, and feels this particular romantic relationship was distracting him from his football career.

In addition, Romo’s friend said the talented QB has been put off by the intrusive style of Joe Simpson, who’s been ”not only telling Jessica every move to make, but now has begun to offer unsolicited advice to Tony on his career, endorsement opportunities and things that have nothing to do with him dating Jessica.”

Wait, I was wrong…the farts smell like desperation, and men can smell that a mile away, even when we think they are SBD:

Furthermore, Romo reportedly was very upset by Simpson’s interview in Glamour magazine where she referred to Romo as her ”future husband” and other on-the-record interviews she has given, saying she wants Romo to be the father to her children.

Oh yeah, that air biscuit is gonna hang around long after Jessica has cut up her pink #9 jersey in a fit of hormone-fueled tearful rage.

Desperation…the new scent by Jessica Simpson, on sale now in purse-size atomizers and gallon jugs at a fine Wal-Mart near you.

Jessica, a word of advice…ditch Daddy.  Now.  Before he sends your life and career farther down the dumper than it already is.  And, um, obvious needy is obvious.  I ain’t sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Robin Leach (yes, that Robin Leach) has some interesting dirt on what went on between blonde singer Jessica Simpson and QB Tony Romo this past weekend.  Apparently, they were in Vegas when a weekend that started out beautifully, with parties and breakfast in bed, suddenly turned very ugly:

It began when Jessica, Tony and the players all hit the Peacock Lounge for high limit blackjack. Jessica was said to have won $5,000 and then they retired to their penthouse while the others went onto the Body English nightclub. The couple even spent some time tanning in the sunshine rays at the new $8 million makeover pool at the Hard Rock while watching the NFL draft on their private cabana HD TV screens. At some point, however, allegedly Tony, who was rumored to be paid a $15,000 appearance fee at Body English took the money and went gambling. My spywitnesses tell me that by the time he was finished he’d lost a fortune and I swear to you I was told that the figure could have run as high as a whopping $2.5 million. Whatever the staggering loss totaled it immediately put a damper on their fun weekend. I’m reliably told Hard Rock officials offered to pay Jessica a bonus $25,000 if she’d co-host at Body English the second night with Tony.

Allegedly a livid Jessica refused because she’s paid far more for personal appearances and the fun weekend had suddenly turned into a commercial gig. Also she was said to be “angry beyond words” over his gambling and the large loss. Insiders told me that one thing led to another and they wound up in a “furious fight.” I was then told that instead of turning up together for a third day of “fun in the sun” at DMX’s party for the re-opening of the Rehab summer pool they both left town unexpectedly.

That pop you just heard was Joe Simpson’s head exploding.  Twice.

Forget Jessica (and the heart attack this news is sure to give her father).  I’m wondering if Tony needs a personal assistant, because anyone who can drop that kind of cheddar and still be rich…well, either he should hire me as a PA or I need to learn to throw a football.

I guess only time will tell if the rumor of their going their separate ways is true or not.  Expect a denial from Jessica’s camp any moment now.  But Robin has proven to have excellent “sources”, so…?

I wonder if they had caek in their suite?

And then you have these two morons.

Let’s compare and contrast my post yesterday about the low-key, classy wedding thrown by Eli Manning and his long-time girlfriend, and the white trash, hillbilly affair that Tony Romo’s birthday bash turned into.

Yes, Jessica Simpson threw boyfriend Tony a party, and the affair disintegrated into a caek-slurping mess:

 The PDA-packed bash took place Saturday night at Suite, a lounge in Dallas, where “she sang him ‘Happy Birthday,’” Kyle Kearbey of DMagazine.com, the Web site for Dallas’ D Magazine, tells Usmagazine.com.

The two really seemed to enjoy the cake, which was in the shape of a Dallas Cowboys star and had Romo’s No. 9 jersey number on it.

“They were kissing with lots of messy cake!” adds Kearbey. “Jessica had cake all over her hands and was licking her thumbs.”

I’m sorry…I’m not a prude or an old fogey, but this is really just gross.  Is she trying to be sexy or something?  Is acting like a baby with their first birthday cake sexy?  I’m not adverse to having fun with one’s food, but if Jessica and Tony want to play like this with their caek then they should keep that stuff in the privacy of a room with plastic sheets and walls that you can hose off.  When I see people out in public acting like this, I want to remind them that the world at large isn’t there to be their audience.

Perhaps, just maybe, it would have been a little bit acceptable had they rented a private room for their party, but they were out in a public place.  Geez, nobody wants to see things like this.  It reminds me of toddlers who smush food all over their faces just to see what sort of reaction they will get.

There’s fun, and then there’s just stupidity.  Let’s guess which category this one falls into.

For more photos (if you can stomach it), go here.

Or something like that.

Apparently, sleeping in tents and bunks is good enough for our brave men and women serving in the Armed Forces, but for Jessica Simpson, not so much:

Jessica Simpson is headlining the Operation MySpace concert in Kuwait Monday, but industry insiders are wondering how Simpson is going to pull off making her performance look like a gift to the troops given how little time she’s spending with them and the exorbitant expense required to shuttle Simpson overseas and back to the U.S.

According to a source close to the Simpson camp, a private plane carrying Simpson and her entourage — which includes dad Joe, hairstylist Ken Paves, her personal assistant and a stylist — left L.A. and was due in Kuwait the evening of March 9. Total cost for the plane was approximately $150,000.

Someone will be picking up the tab for accommodations as well, even though it’s been touted that Simpson will be forgoing her standard hotel suite to spend the night living like the troops in a bunk. The source close to Simpson predicts that any time spent in a bunk will last no longer than the time it takes for a photo.

“Jessica doesn’t sleep in tents or bunks the night before a concert. She needs to give a good performance — there’s no way Joe will want The Pussycat Dolls (who are also performing as part of the same show) to upstage his daughter. He’ll have her sleeping in a proper bed in the right environment.”

Other expenses include her stylist and makeup artist (who both charge approximately $6,000 per day), and Paves, whose day rate is a whopping $10,000, according to the Simpson source.

“This isn’t a charity show. The people around Jessica aren’t donating their time or cutting their rates as if this was Jess’s charity Operation Smile. Someone is picking up the tab, and it’s not going to be Jessica.”

When the concert is over, Simpson has about three hours for quality time with the troops before her plane takes off again. “Literally, she’s going to sing ‘These Boots Are Made for Walking,’ and she’s going to be walking herself right back onto that plane,” said the source.

“The decision for her to do this doesn’t make sense,” said the source. “Her album is not ready for promoting, she risks being upstaged by the Pussycat Dolls and there’s no way to come out of this without looking like a financial drain on the project.” (MySpace and Simpson’s reps decline to comment on who is covering costs.)

What, girlfriend can’t put on her own hair and makeup?  This isn’t a movie or a red carpet appearance, it’s a concert for the troops.  And is Jessica Simpson really the best we can do?  Haven’t the troops suffered enough already?

I realize that celebs do have certain special needs that Joe Schmoe The Ragpicker doesn’t have, especially as far as security.  But come on…a brush, a hair dryer, and some mousse don’t cost that much, and every first-grader can comb their own hair and apply a product to their lips.

I am all for entertaining the troops, but I am not at all for people using that to promote themselves and engage in diva behavior.  And Jessica hasn’t done anything in years that hasn’t been all about her.  Instead of wasting all that money, at least some of it could be donated to charities who help the soldiers and their families.  Better yet, donate it all, and let Jessica stay at home.  But wait…would she get any press out of that?

Face it, sistah…you’re no Marilyn, who went to Korea while on her honeymoon to Joe DiMaggio and performed ten shows in four days, swooping in while hanging out of a helicopter, singing to the troops in the freezing cold, and getting sick in the process:

February 16, 1954: Marilyn arrives in Korea. Her entrance is magnificent. Anticipating the Playboy-bunny scene in Apocalypse Now, she asks the helicopter pilot to swoop down over the troops in the field so she can wave to them. Lying on the helicopter floor, Marilyn extends her upper torso fully outside the bay (a pair of hefty enlisted men holding her legs) as the chopper repeatedly strafes the front.

The star, who has never before played to a live audience, has pulled together an act out of numbers from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and How to Marry a Millionaire. In her posthumous memoir, My Story, Monroe describes waiting in the wings before her first performance and hearing the roar of the crowd drown out the music. An agitated officer rushes her out on stage, afraid that the audience will riot. At the last of Monroe’s ten performances (during which she entertains some 100,000 troops) the troops do riot. Forced to wait for hours in subzero cold, some 6,000 members of the 45th (”Thunderbird”) Division stomp down the barriers and throw rocks to clear the stage for Marilyn. The next morning she returns to wish them goodbye, but instead of sayonara uses eleewah, Korean for “Come here,” and precipitates another mad stampede. Marilyn left Korea with a mild case of pneumonia, but told Jennings that her work there had been her “greatest experience with any kind of audience,” “the best thing” that had ever happened to her.

(I do know that there were many, many other entertainers who went overseas and endured harsh conditions to bring our brave troops some joy, but Marilyn was the first one to come to mind when thinking of someone for a compare/contrast.  Face it, it wouldn’t have been as effective had I chosen Bob Hope.  And he didn’t look nearly as good in a dress.)

So instead of taking snaps and executing quarterback sneaks at the Super Bowl, this weekend Tony Romo was reduced to carrying around Jessica’s wig.

I started to feel sorry for the guy, but then I remembered he makes more money in one game than I make in five years, so I got over it pretty quick.

Hope that trip to Mexico was worth it!

This is dumb as hell, but I just couldn’t resist.

Any self-respecting celebrity would ignore a tabloid magazine making false claims about them being dumped, but not that glamorous albatross Jessica Simpson. Hells No! Jessica did NOT get dumped by Tony Romo and she has sicked her lawyers all over OK! Magazine for saying otherwise.

What.Ev.Er! Everyone knows tabloid magazines make up half the crap they write anyway. They’re not in it for the journalistic integrity. Ok! Magazine doesn’t care about facts, investigative reporting, libel, slander or over-the-top B.S. They care about selling magazines. All they have to say is “sources reveal exclusively to Ok!, that such and so, did such and such.” And it’s up to the consumer of said magazine to discern what sounds reasonable and what doesn’t.

Here’s the cease and desist letter from Jess’ lawyers to Ok! Magazine.

I will spare you the legal mumbo jumbo, essentially it says Ok!’s mean, they make sh*t up, they can’t back it with any verifiable sources, and they suck. I can’t say as I disagree, but to put too fine a point on it really draws WAY more attention to a story no one cares about anyway.

So Tony didn’t dump Jessica, YET. Rest assured, at some time in the near future he will, because let’s face it, Papa Joe is an annoying, creepy, interfering celeb-pimp who uses his little girls to boost his ego and line his pockets. He’s the one Ok! should be publicly dragging through the mud, not his two goofy kids.

I don’t normally talk about John Mayer, his blog, which big-titted starlet he’s boinking or any other manner of inconsequential nonsense. This is a serious blog, not some frivolous site where we scrawl little penises next to people’s mouths. Plus, I am not good at Photoshop.

Anyway, I saw this story and had to respond because I think it’s really sweet John felt compelled to stick up for his former paramour Jessica Simpson, as she continues to her reign of cursing all whom she comes in contact with until they wise up and move on. Then somehow, their career’s soar. Weird.

As we all know, the Dallas Cowboys lost their bid for the Super Bowl title when they were beaten by the NY Giants. It is likely the Cowboys would have lost anyway, because these things happen, but as it stands, their quarterback Tony Romo is dating Jessica Simpson and they’ve been on a losing streak since she showed up and Sunday was no different.

Cowboy fans and Texas people alike have maligned the poor girl and John spoke up on her behalf on his blog:

But wait, there’s more…

Only time will tell, but many Dallas fans (and some Dallas teammates) are worried that since Tony Romeo Romo took up with Jessica his season is going straight in the dumper.  After all, while the team is 13-3 for the season, the record is 1-2 since Tony and Jessica started sucking face.  But Dallas fans could be placated with the news that Jessica is not planning on attending the Cowboys/Giants game:

The Dallas Cowboys can breathe a sigh of relief: rumored bad luck charm Jessica Simpson will not be at the game on Sunday. The Dukes of Hazzard star won’t be in attendance when her boyfriend Tony Romo and his Cowboys play the New York Giants this weekend at Texas Stadium. Jessica is busy, “recording an album,” her rep explained to PageSix.com, but added, “I’m sure she will” be watching the game. Reps for the Giants and Cowboys both had no comment.

Cowboys fans had a lashed out at the Blonde Ambition star in December after her last appearance at a game, where the Cowboys lost 10-6 to the Philadelphia Eagles and Tony played what was statistically the worst game of his career.

Tony’s previous worst game was in December 2006 at home to the Eagles when then-girlfriend Carrie Underwood attended.

Yeah, she’s busy with her album.  More likely she either was “politely asked” not to attend, or she figured out on her own that Cowboys fans and Romo’s teammates can’t stand her.

If the Cowboys lose to the Giants, Jessica and Tony will never hear the end of it.  Of course, it couldn’t be that Manning (that’s Eli, not Peyton, for those of you who don’t follow football…of course, if you don’t follow football, you have no idea who any of these people are) has been working while Tony has been off holidaying in Mexico, and it couldn’t be that the Giants defense has stepped up in recent games, and it couldn’t be that Manning is on a roll at the moment.  Oh no.  It’s all the Jessica Jinx.

Sports figures are notoriously a superstitious bunch.  Stories abound about players who won’t step on the painted sideline or who must turn the ball over so many times before a pitch or who must complete some other ritual before a play or game or race.  And football players and fans are not likely to forgive, or forget, if they believe anyone has messed with their team or players…especially the QB, especially during the playoffs.

Hey, I’m not even a Cowboys fan, but I got one thing to say to you, Jessica…watch your back.  Oh, and don’t wear that stupid looking pink jersey ever again, anywhere.

(yeah, I know the pic is against the Bills)

It would seem that having Jessica Simpson on the sidelines, officially confirming her status as Football Girlfriend, was no good-luck-charm for the Dallas Cowboys, as QB Tony Romo had his worst game ever as a starter:

Sitting next to her father and manager Joe Simpson, the Employee of the Month star showed her support for her new beau by sporting a Cowboys jersey with Tony’s #9 — in pink, of course — emblazoned on the front and back.

Sadly, having Jess in the stands was not exactly good luck for Tony, who not only lost the game, but also had his worst day ever as a starting quarterback.

I’ll say.  Romo lost against Donovan McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles, who threw for a 10-6 win against the home team.  Misthrowing on his first six passes and being sacked four times in just the second half didn’t do anything to make him look good in front of what is now admittedly his girl.

Jessica attended the game with her parents.  Apparently freak strange dude manager father Joe was the one who set up the two lovebirds, to the disheartening sighs of Cowboy fans everywhere.

And what the crap is up with stinking pink football jerseys for women?  Be a real fan and wear your team colors!  Pink jerseys ought to be outlawed.  It’s an abomination against football.  And does Jessica even know anything about football?  Or is she just staring at the guys in tight pants?  Jessica, a word of advice…those are protective athletic cups.  It’s part of the gear.  They’re not all David Beckham.

What do you want to bet Tony was trying to impress his new girl, like the high school quarterback trying to shine in front of his new cheerleader steady?  I’ll bet he looked over and give her a cutesy little wave while trotting out to the huddle, gave a little extra strut as he got under center, took the snap, stepped back into the pocket, looked up at beaming Jessica, gave her a little smile and a wink, and then promptly got sacked by a huge Eagles defensive lineman.

At least he has natural homemaker Jessica to take care of him and nurse his wounds and make him a tuna fish sandwich.  Oh wait…