Joe Francis’ is going to have to dig deep to find some solace in his times of trouble. As we reported earlier, the judge in his contempt of court case which landed the Girls Gone Wild founder in jail, showed Francis no mercy and sentenced him to 35 days in jail. What’s 5 more days in a 35 day sentence? Well, those additional days could cost him an extra year in jail if he is found guilty of tax evasion charges, as well as brand new charges of sexual assault and pending probation violation charges. All in all, if found guilty on all the charges against him, Francis could get up to 100 years in prison.

So what’s a multi-millionaire jet-setter to do? Call all your rich Hollywood friends and ask them to write letters defending your character. If only you could reach them. Janet Charlton is reporting that Joe’s having trouble finding friends now that he’s behind bars facing a laundry list of tawdry charges. Friends like Paris and Nicky Hilton, Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, Kimberly Stewart, Jessica Alba, Mario Lopez, not too mention A-Listers like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn who enjoyed a visit to Francis palatial Cabo estate.

Nope, these folks are too busy to get back to Francis, or perhaps, they don’t have anything positive to say about the guy. Let’s face it, just because some one offers you free coke and a nice place to kick back, doesn’t mean they like you, or are your friend. I stayed at Hilton Hotel, but that doesn’t mean I will stand as a character witness of behalf of Paris.

From the article:

Now they won’t give him the time of day. Joe has been calling collect from jail all over Hollywood, begging people he thought were his friends to accept his call or call him back. No response. Joe is very upset and he told one friend that he just MIGHT be tempted write a tell-all book detailing those celebrity get-togethers and all the drugs and sex secrets!

Really, he shouldn’t be surprised considering his own behavior. When you go on a Howard Stern’s show and start dishing on who gives the best oral, or who sucks in bed, don’t be surprised when those people aren’t jumping at the chance to help you. Even sluts like Paris, Lindsay and Kimberly aren’t that stupid. Well, maybe stupid’s not the right word, but you get my point.

Joe Francis is still in jail and every time I think of that it confirms my belief in a higher power.

Apparently, the Girls Gone Wild creator isn’t having such a great time in jail. Having already spent 14 days in jail (Francis was taken into custody on April 10th at the Panama City Airport) he has been sentenced to 35 days (minus time served) in conjunction with his contempt of court charges stemming from a civil suit brought by seven underage victims claiming sexual abuse.

In court, the tearful Francis issued this apology and statement on the proceedings and contempt charges:

“I’m sorry for my behavior,” Francis said, wiping tears from his eyes. He said he was confused by an appeal his lawyers had filed and whether that meant he had to turn himself in. “That’s not an excuse. I should have just been there on time. I’m sorry. I really am. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.”

But there are more bad times ahead. Despite Francis’ lawyer Jan Handzlik’s efforts on behalf of his client to lessen the sentence to under 30 days, Judge Smoak would not concede. According to the article, 35 days exceeds 30 which is a magic number on his”criminal scoresheet” and makes him illegible for an additional year of jail time if Francis is convicted of federal tax evasion charges that were brought against him the state of Arizona.

Francis face further legal woes. After his contempt sentence has been served he faces additional charges of violating contraband restrictions for possessing prescription drugs and money while in jail. Since he is federal custody, those charges won’t be filed until his 35 day sentence is complete. Besides the tax evasion, contempt of court and contraband charges, Francis may also face federal charges in California for violating in that state in relation to not “keeping the proper paperwork showing that the performers in his “Girls Gone Wild” films were of legal age.”

To make matters worse, Francis’ cellmate, a man named Robert Bailey, is a convicted cop killer who has been sentenced to die, and has been taunting the soft porn peddler. Joe Francis suffers from an anxiety disorder and missed at least one drug cart round, plus he has been having trouble dealing with his cellmate wardmate [editors correction], who according to his lawyer Aaron Dyer, “would sit there and yell, ‘Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! Whoo!”

I realize that Joe Francis isn’t a mass murderer, or a drug cartel boss, or a serial killer or a whole host of other felonious things. But what he is, is a smut peddler and what he does, is target underage girls. He also thinks nothing of using his power and influence to take advantage of women who are minors and who are drunk, to humiliate and or, have sex with them — and to me, that’s almost as bad.

Can’t say I feel sorry for the guy, I can’t even admit to not feeling a twinge of joy at his expense. But hey, he broke the law, not me.

This has been the greatest week ever!  The most hated man in my world, Joe Francis, is in so much trouble he can’t bribe his way to a bottle of water.  But it didn’t stop him from trying.  Not only is the Girl’s Gone Wild pervert behind bars for contempt of court, but he’s also been indicted on tax evasion and fraud charges.  And just when you thought he couldn’t prove to be a more shady piece of crap, he’s caught with drugs in jail and tries to bribe a guard with $500 for a bottle of water.

From People magazine, because they say it better than I could:

• Francis offered the guard $100 for a bottle of water on Wednesday evening. When guard turned him down, Francis showed him $500, investigators said. Jail inmates are not allowed to have cash.
• Supervisors then searched Francis’s cell and discovered 16 prescription medications, including Lunesta – a sleeping pill – and the anti-anxiety medication lorazepam, court records show.
• After learning of the new charges, Francis waived his right to a bond hearing for the contempt of court charge on which he’d been jailed, the AP reports. He wept as his mother blew him a kiss as he was led from a federal court room back to his cell.  “I didn’t do anything,” Francis told his parents as he was led away, according to the Panama City News Herald.
• The new charges include bribing a public servant, three counts of possessing a controlled substance and five counts of introducing contraband into a detention facility.
• The AP reports that Francis could face up to five years in prison for the alleged crimes, which are third-degree felonies.

But wait, there’s more…

Joe Francis is having a bad week.

First he was picked up on a warrant at the Panama City Airport, “allegedly” on his way to turn himself in for a contempt of court charge stemming from a civil suit brough up by seven women who accused him of “sexual abuse.” 

Now he’s been indicted on tax evasion charges.  Francis is accused of tax fraud for claiming $20 million in false business expenses.  The Federal Gov. does not dig you lying on your taxes, but they particularly hate when you try to hide your income and claim an amount that is inaccurate and false - especially when you do it knowingly.  All of which Francis is accused of. 

In a Fox news article, the major tax offenses are outlined:
But wait, there’s more…

Joe Francis, Current Inmate, With Future Inmate Paris Hilton

As I reported last week, Joe Francis had a warrant out for his arrest in the state of Florida for being in contempt of court.  He threw a fit during a hearing to determine the settlement details for a 2003 lawsuit brought against him by seven underage girls who were “victimized” by Francis and his Girl’s Gone Wild filming company. 

Francis, after the fact, changed the settlement details and Judge Smoak who was presiding over the case reissued the contempt warrant he had issued during the proceedings.

People magazine is now reporting that Francis was picked up at the Panama City Airport this morning at 6:30 am. From the People article:

Francis was ordered by U.S. District Judge Richard Smoak to surrender to authorities in Panama City by noon Thursday to begin serving jail time for contempt of court, the city’s News Herald reported. But sources told PEOPLE that Francis missed the deadline. According to the News Herald, Francis told Rivera on Monday: “I’m not trying to hide at all. I’m on my way to Florida right now to turn myself in and comply with the judge’s order. I would never run from justice.”

This the greatest day EVER!!  Joe, may I offer some advice: Pick up the soap.  Bend over pick it up. Often.

Joe Francis may not be able to buy himself out of legal trouble this time.

A Florida judge has found Francis in contempt of court due to a “three-minute tirade” which Francis threw on March 21 while deliberating his case in Panama City, Fl. courtroom. Francis is being sued by seven underage girls who say they were “victimized” by Francis and his GGW filming crew which put them in sexually explicit situations on film.

U.S. District Court Judge Richard Smoak on the issued warrant against Francis:

“He may have snookered us and gotten out Saturday,” Smoak said, “but he’s coming back.”

Judge Smoak is the greatest hero of our time. I wonder if he wears a cape and has a alternative identity? Hmmm…where was I? Ahh, yes, the case against the smut-peddling pedophile Joe Francis. According to the article in the NewsHerald:
But wait, there’s more…