I’ll take Johnny Depp please!
Is that the way the clients of California Cryobank sperm bank order their baby makers?

Apparently the California Cryobank has come up with the idea of matching up their sperm donors with famous celebrity faces. Are they genius entrepreneurs helping their clients make a tough decision of who they should pick as their baby daddy? Or are they just trying to make more money than other sperm banks by claiming their donors are celebrity look alikes? Or both?

How does this sperm bank match their donor’s faces with celebrities? With high tech face-recognition? Nope!
Employees of Cryobank sit around a table and put the donor’s pictures up on a screen and argue which celebrity looks like that donor the most. When they come to a consensus, they add that information to the donor’s file, and then the donor’s name goes into a huge data bank. Clients can then search the data base for a donor by which celebrity they want their child to look like.

Although clients are not allowed to see the donor’s ACTUAL picture by law, clients can  search for a potential donor by picking out a celebrity name.

Too superficial?
How will the general public weigh in on this?

I wonder if someone will pass up a donor with a better IQ, for a donor that looks like Mario Lopez? I also wonder if people out there will pick a celebrity look alike in hopes on trying to cash in on their offspring down the line, especially if their child ends up as a dead ringer of a celebrity.

Hey Kate Gosselin, this has your name all over it! Only eight kids? What’s the big deal? The Duggars have you beat by a landslide! It can be your new show! “Kate Plus Eight Plus Elvis!”
And remember Kate, there is a plus side besides the new show…which ever donor you pick… he can’t take money out of your bank account! 

Now I have seen just about every way there is to make a buck in the ol’ USA, and a lot of it ain’t too pretty. And there are some wackos out there who may try to claim that their child is the child of an actual celebrity. I wouldn’t put it past them. Far fetched? Perhaps.

But take the case  of a women trying to collect millions from Keanu Reeves. She is claiming that he is the father of at least one of her four adult children.  *snicker*
Even though Reeves took a DNA test to prove that he wasn’t the father, and he also said he never met the women, she still isn’t backing off. 
What did Reeves have to say about this whole ordeal? 
Rest assured, he didn’t say, ”eeeeeexcellent!” *snicker*

Of course Cryobank does have a disclaimer to cover their butts in this overly litigious world:

“No celebrity is meant as an exact match for any donor, nor should you assume that your future children will look like any celebrity listed.”

NBC’s Today Show covered the sperm bank story, and on this video, you can see the employees sitting around a table with the donor’s picture on a screen and trying to figure out who the donors most resemble. Man, where do I sign up for this cream puff gig?

Scott Brown, communication manager of the California Cryobank said to NBC TODAY,

“It’s not that our donors look like celebrities, it’s that celebrities look like our donors,”

Oh! I see what he did there…. he is SO crafty!

You can also pick a young or older version of the celebrity too. Perhaps you would like a young Sean Connery as OO7, or the older more sophisticated Sean Connery. The choice is yours!

There are MANY stars as well as athletes listed in their data base. And let’s not forget musicians and the less than famous celebs. You can pick from Eddie Van Halen to Jackass reality star Stev-O!
I kid you not, he is on the list.
Wow, seriously…if anyone picks the Steve-O look alike, I am afraid I just don’t understand, unless he is a nuclear physicist.

 
So are there people out there opposed to this celebrity look alike baby daddy factory? YES.

Some snippets from NBC’s TODAY,

The program has its share of critics, especially in the bioethics world. University of Albany professor Bonnie Steinbock bashed California Cryobank’s celebrity-match program on CNN, saying, “There’s something strange about a culture that has stratified rigid types of beauty where everyone looks alike; now they’re trying to create children through who the actor of the moment is.”

Brown’s defense:

Not so, says Brown. While the process may seem superficial, it is actually extremely helpful in guiding prospective parents through a stressful and often confusing time, he asserts.

“Seem superficial”?
Some people would argue that it is superficial. But don’t people have the right to choose which donor they want for whatever reason, since they are the ones paying for it? And what if it does help the client make their choice?

Take the opinion of a perspective Mom who was trying to pick a donor:

“I’m flipping through the catalog with a friend of mine, feeling like I was about to recruit a basketball team, because it was just all stats.” And while she whittled down her list, the Cryobank couldn’t show her a picture of the donor — but it could tell her one of her finalists resembled Freddie Prinze Jr.
“For me, that clinched it right then and there,” she said. “I’ve always found him attractive!”

Freddie Prinze Jr.? Really? That clinched it for her? To each their own.

So matching a face to a donor may actually make some clients feel more at ease about who they pick, or actually help them to decide who to pick. I hope people have the good sense to pick donors with good qualities, rather than picking a donor because they like Orlando Bloom.
But then again, this is the land of the SUPER DUPER superficial, so nothing would surprise me.

I wonder if Cryobank’s business will be booming?

I can see it now…
Mothers with their kids are at the playground and one mother says to another,
“wow your little boy really looks like Leonardo DiCaprio! Any relation?” 

The proud Mom says, “Well no, it was donor #09756-QL5, we were really big fans of the movie Titanic, so that’s why we went with him”.

I guess if there is one guy who is a real dead ringer of a handsome celebrity, he will be in big demand and asked to come back quite often. There can be a panic at Cryobank if they run out!  What happens then?

It may go something like this:

“OMG! We are fresh out of the Ryan Reynolds look alike! Get 9087-K490L on the phone stat! Tell him we have some new vids and magazines! Yeah I know he has been in twice a day for the past month and he’s a bit tender… Chain him down again if you have to, until he puts out. We are in the baby making business people!”

MORE???

I guess in the long run it can become quite a lucrative and fun “job” if you are a celebrity look alike donor. What guy wouldn’t want this gig? At $50- $75 a pop, I am surprised that there is a job shortage for men in the US! Hell, they ain’t getting paid for doing it at home!

Tough luck for all you donors out there who look like Gary Busey (sorry Gary) or OJ Simpson. (not sorry OJ)

I imagine their “stuff” wouldn’t have too many takers and is probably passed up for the gloopus of a more hunkier looking celebrity look alike.

But things may not work out exactly the way you have planned. Even though you picked out your favorite celeb look alike, don’t forget there is a 50/50 chance that your child may be a girl and you may end up with a pretty scary looking child! And I am more than sure that Cryobank does not issue refunds for fuglies.

Very Scary Indeed!

I bet some clients just won’t really care if the donor they picked has only two brain cells….
Just as long as their celebrity knock off looks good in a tux!

The Mad Hatter Ala Depp

Johnny Depp is no stranger to bizarre films. From the beginning with his first movie Nightmare on Elm Street, then on to stranger flicks like Cry-Baby, Dead Man (WTF?), Ed Wood, Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka to Sweeney Todd and the voice of Corpse Bride, the man has an insatiable appetite for the bizarre and macabre.

Now Depp and Tim Burton have teamed up once again, for Lewis Carroll’s tale Alice in Wonderland. I am sure Burton will put his signature creepy spin on this film and it may turn out to be yet another cult classic.

Willy Wonka on the other hand, did not fair too well in my opinion. I think it had a lot to do with Willy Wonka fans not wanting to see such a classic movie redone, especially the way it was redone.  Some classics you just have to leave alone, whether it has a big star in it or not. Count me in as one of those people who hated Willy Wonka for those reasons.

I will however give Alice In Wonderland a go as it’s one of my favorite childhood stories.

Now I LOVE John Christopher Depp II (who doesn’t?) and I think he is way up there on the yummy scale. Of course I have liked him since his 21 Jump Street days when he played Tom Hanson. I knew way back then he was going to be a huge star.

My favorite Depp films are simply NOT the strange ones with the big exception of Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas , which is on my favorite movie list. Although it pained me to see Depp made up as the far from handsome Raoul Duke. But he was brilliant, as well as his side kick, Dr. Gonzo played by Benicio Del Torro.

I never cared for Scissorhands, hated Wonka, and was never really a big fan of The Pirates of the Caribbean, although I did enjoy Pirates for the special effects. I am more of a What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (although young Leo DiCaprio stole the show in this flick) and Donnie Brasco fan. I’d be remiss not to mention Benny and Joon  too. Except What’s Eating Gilbert Grape also starred of Juliette Lewis and I have ALWAYS despised that broad, and when I found out that she was a Scientologist, well…let’s just say it explained a lot, to say the least.

But one of my all time Depp movie favorites has to be Don Juan DeMarco. Depp got his sexy on in that movie and had an accent to boot. If you haven’t seen this film, you really have missed out on some serious Depp hunk time. It was muy caliante!  And in the words of Don Juan himself…”No woman has ever left my arms unsatisfied. ”

Excuse me…..cold shower time.

That's One Lucky Gal!

Depp also got to work with one of his biggest idols, Marlon Brando. Depp said the hardest part of working with Brando in this film, was keeping a straight face. And of course let’s not forget the steamy Chocolat. Yum! and I am not talking about the Chocolate.

I have missed Sweeney Todd, Finding Neverland, The Brave, The Libertine and about eight other of Depp’s flicks. This man has a HUGE filmography and even a fan has their limits!

Depp’s newest film, Public Enemies has him portraying outlaw John Dillinger will be in theaters on July 1st. I am sure most audiences will be cheering for the bad guy in this one. And once again, Depp is sexy as hell in his 1930’s pin striped suit.

Back to the rabbit hole, Alice in Wonderland, which is not slated to come out till March 2010 has Depp playing the Mad Hatter, Anne Hathaway as Alice and Helena Bonham Carter as The Queen of Hearts. The film also stars Christopher Lee as the Jabberwock, Allen Rickman as the Caterpiller, Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat, Michael Sheen as The White Rabbit and Crispin Glover as the Knave of Hearts. It is complete with gorgeous costumes and 3D computer animation.

Notice the faces in the flowers above?  This is going to be one trippy flick! Depp said playing the Mad Hatter was fun and speaks about the look of the Mad Hatter and jokingly said he was surprised he didn’t get fired from the film:

“The Hatter was awfully fun,” Depp said in a news conference on Monday in Beverly Hills, Calif. “After doing something like John Dillinger, a performance where it’s somewhat restrained because of the responsibility you have to that guy and his memory, that Mad Hatter was like being fired out of a cannon. The Hatter was great fun, and, again, it’s one of those things that you’re just amazed you weren’t fired. I truly am.”

“All I’ve seen, I’ve just seen the little bits and pieces of it, but, yeah, what I ended up looking like is how I thought he was going to look, how I thought he should look, which was one of the first reasons why I’m surprised I didn’t get fired,” Depp said.

In the words of Grace Slick of Jefferson Airplane, who sang the trippy rock/acid song White Rabbit…
“Remember what the dormouse said, feed your head” 

Wonder if they will use this song in the sound track? Or maybe just at the end. Hey Burton…are you listening?

Already confirmed for Depp’s new upcoming projects, are Pirates Of The Caribbean #4 (careful Johnny don’t spread yourself to thin with this one) and oddly Dark Shadows.  I say oddly, because I actually watched “Dark Shadows” back in the day. It was a weird Gothic soap opera about vampires and other creatures, and dealt with time in the past and future in a parallel universe. 

Dark Shadows has Depp written all over it. Don’t know what kind of spin will be put on this one. I personally think Depp should skip this one, but I bet Dark Shadows fans will be champing at the bit.

Johnny Depp is just getting started. Regardless of the premise or the writing of a movie, Depp takes on all roles and is a true chameleon and plays every part with sheer brilliance. Hats off to the many faces of Johhny Depp! Keep em’ coming!

Yeah, I’d say he’s the Mad Hatter.  I’d be mad too, if I had to wear that hat.  (Yes, I know it refers to being a bit crazy and not angry, so stifle.)

Srsly.  This looks like all his previous characters got together, pooled all their genetics, injected themselves into Helena Bonham Carter, and then got birthed.  Or vomited up.  Either way, this is one hot mess.

Well, with the exception of Captain Jack Sparrow.  He’s entirely too cool for this nonsense.  That being said, kudos to Johnny Depp for once again stretching himself as an actor.

Just why do all of Tim Burton’s characters look like heroin addict Pierrots?

image via Coming Soon via dlisted via my computer

Johnny Depp is going to be one busy, busy guy for the next few years, and he’s going to have to make more room on his shelf for all the hats (no pun intended) he’s going to have to wear.  News is that he’s signed on to play both Tonto and the Mad Hatter in two Disney films:

Stepping into the iconic role of the Mad Hatter, Depp joins previously announced 18-year-old newcomer Mia Wasikowska, who has been chosen to play Alice. The 3-D “Alice in Wonderland” will reunite one of the most successful director-actor duos of the last few decades for the seventh time; Depp has previously collaborated with Burton on everything from “Edward Scissorhands” to “Sweeney Todd.”

[...] Depp will hit the screen opposite an unnamed kemo sabe for a 21st century re-imagining of “The Lone Ranger,” as previously announced by super-producer Bruckheimer. For a brief period of time, some news outlets believed that Depp would be playing the heroic cowboy — but this morning, the actor’s reps insisted that he’d been cast as the Ranger’s long-suffering, fiercely loyal Native American sidekick, Tonto. Depp, who has said in interviews that he has some Cherokee and Navajo in his blood, previously portrayed an American Indian in the 1997 film “The Brave.”

Plus, as announced Thursday morning, he will reprise his famous (and possibly his favorite) role as Captain Jack Sparrow in the popular Pirates franchise:

According to “Variety,” Depp has signed on for a fourth “Pirates of the Caribbean” film, returning to the franchise that has earned a combined $2.6 billion at the box office. Although he previously hinted that he’d be open to setting sail again in his most iconic role, it is largely believed that it will be a solo journey, as “Pirates” co-stars [Orlando] Bloom and Keira Knightley have insisted they’re finished with the franchise. Last year’s “At World’s End” concluded with Sparrow setting sail for the Fountain of Youth, likely hinting at the adventure soon to come.

Ah, too big for their britches now, are they?  Now that they’ve got a taste of celebrity, they want to move on from the vehicle that made them famous?  Too good to make another little pirate movie now?  Oh well, let ‘em go.  Neither Orlando nor Keira will ever be as big as Johnny Depp, mainly because they aren’t as nice.  They also don’t realize that you dance with the one who brung ya.

Johnny doesn’t need the money that Captain Jack Sparrow can bring in and he’s got more fame than you can shake a cutlass at.  He does it because he loves the role, plain and simple.  Isn’t that one of the best things a person can accomplish…find something they love and can afford to keep doing?

And sorry, Johnny…I have to agree.

Gene Wilder says that he likes Johnny Depp, and that is why he has not seen the new version of the famous candy man:

“I haven’t seen it. I like Depp, but when I heard they were doing a remake, I heard: mistake. When I saw clips on TV and I saw what Depp was doing, I thought, ‘Don’t see the movie — you like Depp too much.’ I always get comments: ‘Yours is better.’ I know they’re talking about Willy Wonka.” In fact Leonard Maltin’s “Movie Guide” says: “Depp, though amusing, is no Gene Wilder.”

Sorry, Johnny…while you’e undoubtedly hotter than Gene, I’m siding with the comic legend on this one.

While I fully admit that I haven’t seen the entire 2005 version of the movie, I’ve seen enough of it to know that this new and updated Willy Wonka leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.  For one thing, Johnny’s version of the character (and the ubiquitous chocolate factory-slash-private playground) reminds me entirely too much of Michael Jackson for my own personal comfort level.  A while back, I even did a side-by-side comparison of Michael’s latest photo shoot and Depp’s incarnation of the Willy Wonka character, and the similarities are eerie.  That, and the latest film strives to take the chocolatier to a place he was never meant to go.  I read the book as a child, and from what I remember the 2005 version is more faithful to it, but at the same time it adds elements that were never meant to be there, especially since the latest version is more geared to adults.

My daughter has seen both versions and she completely and wholeheartedly prefers the 1971 version.  When I ask her why, she just says that Gene Wilder’s version, over three decades old, is “more fun”.  And isn’t that the point of candy, anyway?  It isn’t supposed to be good for you or to try and make you a healthier individual…it’s just supposed to be fun.

Right before the Oscars aired last night, we watched a Barbara Walters special which featured actor Harrison Ford. Harrison was discussing his long and distinguished career with Walters, with some sneak peeks at the new Indiana Jones movie. Harrison, 65, has never won an Oscar. He was nominated once for his role in the 1985 film Witness, but lost to William Hurt who won for Kiss of the Spider Woman.

It seemed inconceivable that an actor as revered and talented as Harrison Ford had never won an Oscar. Ford’s certainly not short on monetary success, having starred in huge blockbuster films like the Star Wars triology, all the Indiana Jones films, as well as cult faves like Blade Runner and American Graffiti, but alas the gold statue has eluded him.

When you consider Ford’s age, and dwindling opportunity for roles which might garner Academy Award attention, the chances at this point of him winning an Oscar are slim. That seems an incredibly harsh reality. And dare I say, unfair.

This brings me to Johnny Depp, an actor who has been through many ups and downs in his career, but in the last few years has been on a real high. Essentially, through his own inimitable style, Johnny carried a somewhat off-the-wall Disney film, (based on a popular ride at Disneyland) and turned the film Pirates of the Caribbean into a HUGE financial enterprise. His depiction of Captain Jack, an 18th century metro-sexual pirate of questionable morals, was incredibly brilliant. But then again, Johnny Depp is an amazing character actor. I can imagine anyone else playing a modern day Willy Wonka, or any of the other quirky roles he is best known for.

Depp’s collaboration with director Tim Burton has created some great films, including Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Sleepy Hollow, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride and his latest Sweeney Todd. One of my personal favorites is his portrayal of Gilbert Grape from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. Johnny has been nominated for three Academy Awards, J.M. Barrie (author of Peter Pan) in Finding Neverland, Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of The Caribbean, and his latest role as Sweeney Todd, the murderous barber looking for revenge in the film Sweeney Todd.

This year’s winner for Best Actor was Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood, a brilliant actor certainly, but one who’s already been honored by the Academy. My first thought when Daniel won (besides who the hell dressed he and his wife?) was “Why not Johnny, or Viggo Mortenson for that matter, I mean let’s not get greedy there Daniel.” Of course, this response was utterly inappropriate and without any real merit or objective basis, but still. It kind of raised my hackles when I thought back to poor old Harrison Ford and his year-after-year snubs, his age, what’s left of his opportunities to win an Oscar and how bad I’d feel to have lived my life working hard, doing brilliant work and never fully actualizing my dream of winning the highest achievement in achievement.

Demoralizing to say the least. Of course Johnny Depp, Viggo Mortenson and another favorite of mine, Leonardo Di Caprio (his portrayal of Howard Hughes in The Aviator is one of the finest ever) are young enough to have numerous opportunities to play roles which will hopefully showcase their talent, and it their lucky, win an Oscar.

But then again, with guys like Daniel Day-Lewis (2 Academy Awards), Jack Nicholson (3 Academy Awards), Tom Hanks* (2 Academy Awards) and Denzel Washington* (2 Academy Awards) hoarding all the golden statues, they may end up like Harrison Ford, looking back over their lives and wondering what they might have done differently.

Not sure what the answer to this conundrum is, but surely, like with all honors, there’s some politics and snobbery going on. And dammit, I don’t like it one bit. Spread the love Academy, give some others a chance.

(Both of these are favorite actors of mine, so I am NOT picking on them for anything other than multiple wins)

Just when you thought Johnny Depp couldn’t possibly get any cooler, he goes and does something like this.  To show his gratitude to Great Ormond Street, the hospital that saved his daughter’s life during her health scare last year, he made a generous donation of his own money as a huge thank you:

Johnny Depp secretly visited Great Ormond Street Hospital yesterday to donate £1 million [approximately $1.9 million USD] of his own money to thank staff for saving his daughter’s life.

He arrived unexpectedly at the London children’s hospital where eight-year-old Lily-Rose was treated last year when her kidneys failed. [...]

In March last year, Lily-Rose spent nine days at Great Ormond Street after E.coli poisoning led to the failure of her kidneys.

She is said to have contracted the bug while staying with Depp, 43, and her mother Vanessa Paradis, 34, in a rented mansion in Richmond, Surrey, while he filmed Sweeney Todd.

Filming at Pinewood in Buckinghamshire had to be halted as her conditioned worsened so much it was feared she might not live.

And not only that, but he reprised his role as swashbuckling slurring pirate Captain Jack Sparrow to read to children at the hospital:

And on November 29, unknown to the public, Depp spent four hours at the hospital telling bedtime stories to patients dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow after having his Pirates Of The Caribbean costume flown over from Los Angeles.

Also, Disney, owners of the Pirates franchise, said they would donate £10 million (approximately $19.7 million USD) to the hospital, who is needing to raise £170 million (approximately $330 million USD) over five years for major renovations.

Most stars would have called a press conference, set up streaming video, and had giant oversized checks printed up with the amount of money donated emblazoned in a font large enough to be caught by photographers’ cameras.  And if they had shown up to read to children, they would have had made sure that a reporter was with them, dutifully chronicling every affected smile and pat on the head for posterity.  To see someone of this caliber doing this sort of charitable activity with nary a journalist in sight is truly refreshing, and a wonderful palate cleanser after the overblown events of yesterday concerning She Who Must Not Be Named.  He’s the official first recipient of the “Breath Of Fresh Air” award here at GlossLip.

I wish Lily-Rose a lifetime of continued good health.  I also wish there were more celebrities like Johnny Depp.  Who would have thought he would have come so far from 21 Jump Street?

CNN reports:

Johnny Depp “likes to talk to fans and get to know them while signing,” says an autograph dealer.

The 44-year-old actor is the most gracious celebrity — for the third year in a row — on Autograph magazine’s annual list of the “10 Best and 10 Worst Hollywood Signers.”

“Though soft-spoken and laid-back, [Depp] likes to talk to fans and get to know them while signing,” New York autograph dealer Anthony Risi explains in the December issue, now on newsstands. “He’ll sign more than one item when he has time, too.” Video Watch Depp muse on his murderous new movie »

The magazine said editors compiled input from autograph-collecting judges based in Europe, New York and California in ranking the celebs.

This doesn’t surprise me. Because Johnny has chosen to live way off the beaten Hollywood path on a farm in rural France, he likely has spared his psyche and family the trauma of being constantly hounded for autographs. This makes giving autographs and interacting with his fans a rare and special treat. Even the reclusive like to be appreciated. Johnny, thank you for being such a great celeb. You make me not want to light the rest of Hollywood on fire for being full of raging c*cksuckers.

So who else made the “nice list” of gracious autograph signers:

2. Matt Damon
3. George Clooney
4. Jack Nicholson
5. Rosario Dawson
6. John Travolta,
7. Katherine Heigl
8. Jay Leno
9. Dakota Fanning
10. Russell Crowe — wait, Russell Crowe? Crowe, who has a history of throwing temper tantrums, ranked among the worst signers on last year’s list. But in a turnaround, the magazine said, the 43-year-old actor “started treating fans great, signing, taking pictures and chatting them up.”

Wow, that last one is surprising. And Jack Nicholson? Hmmm…well good for him!

And who sucks rotten eggs for being poor sports when it comes to signing autographs?

1. Will Ferrell
2. Tobey Maguire
3. Joaquin Phoenix
4. William Shatner
5. Renee Zellweger
6. John Malkovich
7. Julie Andrews
8. Bruce Willis
9. Teri Hatcher
10. Scarlett Johansson.

Weird, Will Ferrell is the worst? I mean sure, I can see William Shatner being a dick, and definitely John Malkovich, and certainly Teri Snatcher. But what climbed up Renee Zellweger, Julie Andrews and Bruce Willis’ asses? And honestly, Joaquin’s probably too drunk to realize he’s being asked for an autograph and Tobey Maguire’s just a weirdo. Scarlett? Who the hell knows what her problem is. Trying to avoid stalkers most likely. The magazine did caution us however, “keep in mind that even the best signers don’t sign sometimes, the worst sometimes do, and that just because they’re on the worst list doesn’t mean they’re bad people.”

I don’t know, I am pretty sure that John Malkovich is a bad person.

Ok, I saw this pic on D-Listed, easily one of the funniest celeb websites on the plane. Oh, and I just wanted to point out that Johnny Depp is still unmarried. As fate would have it, I am not.

This is Johnny looking smoldering at the Sweeney Todd premiere in NY. Sweeney Todd is a Johnny’s latest film collaboration with director Tim Burton, they’ve done about ten billion films together. Well, maybe it’s more like ten, but still, that seems like a lot for one director. How about we spread it around some Johnny.

I have a film Johnny and I can do together. There’d be a lot of swashbuckling in the nude and it only stars Johnny and myself. There would be a lot of sweating too. Is that too much information? Too bad!

Johnny Depp (43) was claimed to have put off marrying his long-time French girlfriend, model Vanessa Paradis (34), because he didn’t want to screw up her last name with a clunker like Depp. Sure Paradis is a great last name (especially if you say if with a French accent like I always do – sophistication peeps) but being lawfully wed to the hottest pirate this side of the Caribbean is worth it.

This is sweet news in an otherwise difficult year for Depp and Paradis. Their young daughter, 7-year old Lily Rose, battled a deadly case of e-coli that kept her in the hospital for almost two weeks. She has reportedly recovered and is doing well. That’s awesome to hear. And apparently this brush with tragedy is at the root cause of the couple deciding to wed later this summer.

But if we are expecting a grand Hollywood affair, we will be sorely disappointed. Johnny and Vanessa shun the limelight and will likely wed within the confines of their sprawling 50 acre compound in France. The couple, along with their two children Lily Rose, and 4-year old Jack, live a quiet life in the small town of Plane de la Tou, France (pop. 2000).  Local residents describe the family as being very private and living a rather normal life, including driving into town to pick up fresh produce and clothes from the “bargain racks.”

The couple will need to obtain the appropriate legal documents and consent from their mayor to marry, and may do so at a small chapel on their property.

Johnny despite being one of the most recognizable and popular movie stars in the world, fled to France in 1998 to escape the craziness of Hollywood. It is here in this ideal setting, he has been able to raise his family without the prying eye of the media breathing down his neck – Depp  is down to earth and has purposely chosen a life separate of his career for his kids and plans as he says for his children to “grow up in a very simple and calm environment, where everything is not about the next movie or the next success.” Depp added:

“I love the simple things: the sunrise, the trees, the countryside. I can take a ride into the village and have a coffee with my girl, and people say: “Hello Johnny. How are you?” I’m not looking around for the paparazzi.”

But rest assured they aren’t lacking for luxury. From the article:

There is no give-away that this is the residence of one of Hollywood’s greatest actors. Even the security cameras are out of sight, hidden in the trees. But step inside the house and there would be no mistaking.

It has every modern luxury. The master bedroom even has its own swimming pool. A second, much larger pool is located in the garden alongside the vegetable and herb patch.

They have four ponies for the children and a playground with swings, a slide and a sandpit. Depp fell in love with France while shooting The Ninth Gate there in 1998.

Congrats to the couple and many blessings to a fabulous actor who doesn’t have his head up his rear. Yay for normal kids!