Look, I am all for naked pictures of adult celebs. I find them amusing, entertaining and well…revealing, but TMZ picked the WORST photo out of a group of photos of British singer Lily Allen, and in keeping with their inherent cruelty, they never bothered to remind people that Ms. Allen (no she’s NOT married) was pregnant a little while back with ex-boyfriend Ed Simmons (Chemical Brothers) baby. Sadly Lily lost her baby and it seems that creep Ed dumped her.

So, while Lily may look a little ripe in the above photo, the angle and the fact that she was pregnant not THAT long ago should be taken into consideration. As should a top, some sunscreen and a stylish cover-up. And may I add perhaps some toner for her bleach blond hair. That is not her best look.

Here’s a better angle and a more accurate depiction of what Lily really looks like. No, she’s not “slim” but she’s not a beached whale either as the TMZ post states.

Doesn’t anyone believe in marriage anymore? First Jamie Lynn, now Lily Allen.

I don’t have the energy to get into this story and to be honest, it’s not that surprising. All celebs are apparently too busy to use birth control or get married, or stop being stupid. The Sun is reporting singer Lily Allen is pregnant with her boyfriend of four months, Ed Simmons baby. Ed is one of the two guys from The Chemical Brothers. I like the Chemical Brothers. I like Lily Allen.

I also like people to not have kids until they are married and when they do have kids, to not be complete idiots. I hope Lily has given up drinking and smoking. Not a requirement by any means, just a suggestion. But don’t listen to me, you do what you want. What do I know? I waited to get married to have kids, and look at me. On top of the world!

Congrats you two knuckleheads.

I am pretty surprised that someone as outspoken and abrasive as Lily Allen is would be bothered by idle chatter about her weight or allow herself to get sucked into the whole body image machine manufactured by the entertainment industry. Not that I suggest she take her health for granted and get all fat and out of shape, but clearly, you are what you are. Just be the best you can be at what you are.

Lily is a pear-shaped little lass. She’s by no means fat or ugly. She’s quite cute and spunky. Would she look better thinner? Well, maybe. Most of us would. But being skinny isn’t as easy for some people as it is for others and for Lily to post the following message on her website shows that she really is cracking under the pressure of fame and is far more vunerable than she would like us to believe.

From Lily’s MySpace page:

“fat, ugly and shitter than winehouse

that is all i am, im on my own in america again. I used to pride myself on being strong minded and not being some stupid girl obsessed with the way I look. I felt like it didnt matter if I was a bit chubby cause, im not a model, I’m a singer. Im afraid I am not strong and have fallen victim to the evil machine. I write to you in a sea of tears from my hotel bed in Seattle, I have spent the past hour researching gastric bypass surgery, and laser lipo suction.”

First and foremost, I would rather compare myself to someone immensely more attractive and appealing than Amy Winehouse. Like the Loch Ness Monster for instance. Yes, that would be a better choice. Lily, as far as we know has all her teeth, and isn’t a raging meth-head who dabbles in alcoholism on the side.

Second of all, suck it up. We all feel worthless and sh*tty when we are in our early 20’s. It goes with the territory. Unless of course, you are Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, and then you just cover up those feelings of post-adolescent insecurity with illegal drugs, shopping binges and sex with strangers.

Really Lily, don’t start feeling sorry for yourself. You’re better than that.

Quit smoking, go for long walks, drink water for every other pint and focus on recording some more music. You’ll be fine. Seriously.The people you are comparing yourself to are really not in the same league as you.

Head.Out.Of.Arse.Now.

This pep-talk was free, the next one’s gonna cost you!

Various news reports have stated that an exhausted and homesick Lily Allen has cancelled the remaining 20 tour dates she had scheduled for her US tour to promote her debut album Alright, Still. What exactly happened, read here:

The decision came after Lily saw her music boss boyfriend Seb Chew for the first time in weeks, an insider told the paper. “She realised she just wanted to be back home,” the source said. Seb had apparently flown out to meet Lily in New York, saying: “I’m really worried about her.”

Lily, 21, had apparently been telling fans that she had been “weeping under the duvet”. The singer apparently axed a gig in New York on Thursday although she appeared on The Today Show on Friday, reports NME. Lily’s management did not immediately return calls.

It was my intention to go to her show, sneak in backstage and ambush her with an impromtu interview, but bullocks to that. That little wuss is going back home to her friends and her man. Those with tickets for upcoming shows are being laughed at. Just kidding, refunds are to be issued. Damn crybaby Brits.

I was really looking forward to that show, jerk.

Lily Allen, the fiery little lass from the UK who’s ska-revival-infused pop sound is slowly infiltrating the U.S., doesn’t much appreciate how our culture pits her against her music rivals.  In this case, fellow Brit singer the bluesy-rocker Amy Winehouse.  Allen insists there’s no real rivalry, only one made up in the press.  I tend to believe her on this one, as Allen’s non-too-shy about expressing how she feels about other celebrities and musicians.  Lily on the Amy Winehouse much-ado-about-nothing:

“Every interview I do I’m getting asked how I feel about Amy. It’s starting to really p%#s me off. I really like Amy and am totally supportive of her. “Why do people always try to play women off against each other? Or why not create a rivalry between the boys? I think there is something seriously wrong with this part of our culture.”

Lily makes a good point, but why is she surprised? If there’s no controversy, then one will be created, especially in her case.  It is Lily Allen’s very outspokenness that has helped to make her a household name.  She must know deep down, that this willingness to speak critically and openly would not only bring her attention, but also some negative repercussions.

Her most recent attack was shot at the Beckhams, David and Victoria.  Lily on the Beckhams:

“We are bombarded with fashion mags and gossip mags with rich pop stars and Victoria Beckhams with their new handbags and kids think that’s the sort of life they should have.”

That’s what we here in the states call: keeping up with the Joneses.  It’s what drives our capitalist society, and quite honestly, it’s what makes us great.  Our greed and need to have EVERYTHING.  All in all, that’s one of the more insightful things Ms. Allen has said.

Last week Lily blasted our President Bush in concert when she got drunk while performing in San Diego.  Here’s an excerpt of what happened:

The ‘Smile’ singer, after guzzling beer and cider onstage during the concert, attacked Bush for being an “a**ehole and a c**t” before turning her ire on Brit PM Tony Blair and calling him a “c**t’s bitch”.  Allen then had people gaping when she declared that she was “probably bisexual”, and that she was tired of men with “tiny d***s”. She also said that San Diego has the best crack whores she’d ever seen, and that she was thinking of becoming a lesbian.

I totally know how she feels.  San Diego’s crack whores are THE BEST. 

Anyway, this is typical of the cherubic-faced Allen.  She’s gone off on Sir Bob Geldolf, Madonna, Pete Doherty, MTV and James Blunt to name a few. Not that I blame her, they are all a bunch of tossers.  But with that kind of “mouthy” track record she has no place to complain about people wanting to create a rivalry from fellow Brit singer and total drunk Amy Winehouse. 

In truth, I am totally psyched about this British Invasion; drunk chicks who sing, crackheads who date cokewhore models, metrosexual soccer players and their pimped out wives - and who knew Tony Blair was a total b*itch.  A total hot b*tch at that!

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