I’m feeling particularly grouchy this morning, after a night with no sleep (I only wish, it’s more like I was chasing a critter around my house most of the night), so of course this story appeals to me:  So-called Queen Of All Media Perez Hilton, who has previously spent so much time kissing up to Lily Allen that it’s practically nauseating, apparently stopped receiving her checks or something a while back, because the two of them are engaging in a verbal sissy-fight slap-fest as only those who live by the media can. 

First, it seems that even Lily recognizes that dancing isn’t her strong suit, and perhaps she shouldn’t drink and grind:

She also gave up alcohol for a while, but was pictured sipping white wine during a concert in the Bahamas on Friday.

‘I react bad to alcohol, but I never know when to stop,’ she said.

‘I keep drinking, because it helps me. I find it difficult to communicate with strangers.’

Dressed in a revealing outfit and puffing on cigarettes, Miss Allen did not seem shy as she danced on stage with female strippers.

‘Worst gig ever,’ she wrote on her Twitter page afterwards.

‘I’ve just been shown photographic evidence of myself podium dancing last night,’ she added later. ‘God I’m a d**k.’

Lily posted that on Twitter three days ago (there’s no timestamp), and Perez posted photos on his site two days ago, February 18 at 11:00 AM.

Now, Perez:

Ladies, take note!

This is not how it’s done!

Lily Allen had the nerve to join a go-go dancer on stage at a club in the Bahamas early Valentine’s Day morning.

She looks like an awkward cow up there!

Good thing Lils doesn’t dance to pay the bills!

Now Lily:

@perezhilton oh , I’m sorry , we’ve already cast the jealous and bitter lonely old queen role. Next time eh ?

Now Perez again:

@lilyroseallen Jealous of who? David Beckham, maybe. And if I wanted to be a f****d up Brit, I’d rather be Amy Winehouse – whose got talent.

Lily:

@perezhilton god, you’re like so obsessed with me its embarassing.

Perez:

@lilyroseallen Congrats on your album doing well in America, though. It’s REALLY HARD to sell copies when u discount it to $3.99. Desperate!

And it just deteriorates from there.  Check it out here and here.  Suffice it to say that it ain’t pretty, and probably NSFW (language).

On the one hand, it’s kind of surreal to see Perez ragging on Lily, since he’s always been in her corner and was one of the first to notice her talent.  Say what you want about Perez, but he’s good at spotting new performers and bringing them to the unwashed masses.  OTOH, it’s kind of surreal to see Lily dopeslapping Perez, since she has been buddy-buddy with him for a while now.  No, he didn’t make her, but he did help get her name noticed.  Perez has been a jerk lately to Lily, but then Lily can give as good as she gets.  These two are made for each other.

If Lily is today, look for Katy Perry or Angelina Jolie or Paris Hilton to be next.  We can only hope.  Don’t waste time on her, Perez, go after the big prizes!

By the way, yes…I do realize I’ve done a few Lily posts recently.  Unless she solves world hunger or bails out the automakers, I’m done for a while.

They’re kinda like oysters…you’re not going to know if they’ll kill you or not unless you try them, so go on already, jump in!

The 23-year-old pop star reportedly said potentially lethal drugs like ecstasy do not harm everyone, so the best way to find out was to take them.

‘Parents should say, “Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don’t. Try it and see what you think”,’ she said.

Miss Allen, who has openly admitted bingeing on drink and drugs when she was younger, appeared to confess that her fame was the only thing stopping her taking ecstasy pills.

‘If I hadn’t been famous I’d have taken loads,’ she said. ‘Wouldn’t be too wise right now.

‘I’ve never been good with cocaine or drugs like that. They make me passionately angry on everything. I steer clear of heroin or crack.’

Well, it’s nice to know that at least she has standards.  And here I was starting to worry!

You’ll remember a few months ago when she once again opened her mouth to natter on about how drugs really aren’t so bad, they’re just drawn that way:

The 24-year-old singer said: ‘The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you – you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that’s not true.

‘I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work everyday, no problem at all.

‘But we never hear that side of the story. I have no statement to make, I just wish people wouldn’t sensationalise this thing that just exists.’

In the interview for The Word magazine she admitted to taking drugs in the past but said she no longer did so.

But Miss Allen went on to say that she felt ‘annoyed’ that her record label was putting her in two-star hotels.

She said if she had been a musician 20 years ago ‘I’d have been booked in at the Ritz with five grams of cocaine on my table’.

Once again we are subject to the wittering of a self-absorbed, immature, spoiled little brat who can’t possibly imagine that the words coming out of her over-hyped cakehole could, in fact, be ignorant and horrid.  Go ahead, kids, try drugs…it’s okay, you won’t know if you’ll die or not unless you take a chance.

It seems like every time we turn around she’s either being carried out of some club or another totally drunk, or she’s bleating on about something or another that she knows nothing about, or she’s making some really bad decisions about her personal life and the people allowed in it.  It’s sad and embarrassing to watch such a bright and talented young woman act in this manner.  If nothing bad happened to her while she was on drugs, then she just got lucky.

Lily, stop opening your mouth about issues that you shouldn’t be talking about.  No, not every drug addict is a dealer, rapist, or prostitute.  Some are just regular people trying to live regular lives when things suddenly start to go out of control.  However, drugs do destroy lives and families…there are always innocent bystanders, people unfortunate enough to love or be born to or be the parent of an addict.  Grow up a little bit more and watch those “functioning” friends of yours become more and more mindless, brain-damaged, and unable to function outside of the little drug world they create for themselves.  See them throw their families, friends, and lives away all for the addiction that has taken hold of them in its vise-like grip.  Come back in a few years, ten years, twenty years, when many of them are dead and buried and their children are dealing with the fallout that comes from being the child of a drug addict.  Then you can mumble on about how drugs are okay and we really should tell our kids that it’s okay to try them…because, after all, how you gonna know if you don’t blow?

You know, you step back sometimes and take a good, hard look at just who has made it to celeb-dom, and you have to wonder…is there a finite amount of talent and brains God gives a person, and if a person has more talent then there has to be a deficit in brains?  Kind of like Sims, where if you want to give them more ”nice” personality points you have to make room somewhere else, like taking away “neat” points?

I think that’s the case with Lily Allen.  Her “talent” points were filling up so some of the “brain” points had to go to the “talent” part.  Case in point:  Lily believes that drugs aren’t all bad…after all, not everyone who takes them does something awful like, I don’t know, dies or something:

The 24-year-old singer said: ‘The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you – you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that’s not true.

‘I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work everyday, no problem at all.

‘But we never hear that side of the story. I have no statement to make, I just wish people wouldn’t sensationalise this thing that just exists.’

In the interview for The Word magazine she admitted to taking drugs in the past but said she no longer did so.

But Miss Allen went on to say that she felt ‘annoyed’ that her record label was putting her in two-star hotels.

She said if she had been a musician 20 years ago ‘I’d have been booked in at the Ritz with five grams of cocaine on my table’.

I mean, what are you going to say to that?  Obviously this young woman has a bit of a warped sense of the world if she believes that drugs don’t affect people’s lives in extremely negative ways.  Let’s see her coke-addled friends in a few years, when they can’t function at their job because they’ve rotted their brains away on coke, or when their kids are taken away because their cokehead parents can’t take care of them, or when they are found dead in a mess of powder and rolled-up dollar bills.  Since she’s admitted to past drug and alcohol problems of her own, you’d think she would have a bit more sense…but hey, denial ain’t just a river, folks.

No, not every drug addict is a prostitute, a rapist, or a dealer.  Some are just regular people trying to live regular lives and they found that somewhere it all got out of control.  But drugs do destroy lives and families…I’ve had it affect my extended family more than once.  The addict isn’t the only one who deals with it…there are innocent bystanders, collateral damage, people who’s only crime was to love or be born to or be the parent of an addict.  I think little Lily should grow up a bit and learn a few more things before she starts running off at the mouth, because this spoiled, immature little brat obviously has no clue what life is really about.

So Lily, put that in your nose and snort it.

Katy Perry may like to kiss girls, but apparently she likes to get drunk and grind on random dudes too. Hell, who doesn’t? Not sure if this is one of those gender-on-gender clubs, but the clubs I go to, dudes don’t dress like that guy. The video above was taken at Cherry Pop in West Hollywood, and Katy isn’t shy about her level of intoxication, because she cheerfully admits “I’m so drunk” among other revelations.

Interesting side note: Katy used to be a Christian singer. I guess she found the audiences a little less than enthusiastic of her girl-on-girl kissing and butt to schwang rubbing. What do I know, I am total prude whose lips nary a swear word crosses!

Speaking of total prudes, swear words and intoxication; way across the pond the always demure songstress Lily Allen had a few kind words about our national treasure Katy Perry during an radio interview.

Lily released the jabs during a radio interview on Capital FM saying, “I happen to know for a fact that [Katy] was an American version of me.”

“She was signed by my label in America as, ‘We need to find something controversial and kooky like Lily Allen.’ And then they found her.”

Sources say Lily is already angry with Katy for previous “fat insults.”

Lily admitted, “When I met her I was a bit frosty with her because someone asked her to describe herself. She’s like, ‘Aha, I’m like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinner version of Lily Allen!’”

“It’s like, you’re not English and you don’t write your own songs, shut up!”

Well, Katy’s statement is pretty accurate. And Lily’s statement is false.

Katy writes her own material.

We should cut Lily some slack though, she recently admitted to being sober (for the moment) and detox clearly affects some people differently. Like for me, a priest, some holy water and lots of rope are needed. In Lily’s case a muzzle might do the trick.

One final note, while Katy does “contribute” to writing her own songs, just like Lily Allen, she gets PLENTY of help. As in Dr. Luke, the same producer who helped Britney Spears with her latest comeback album, Circus. Katy may have some skills, but let’s not act like she’s John Lennon here folks. Very few artists you hear on the radio fully “write” their own songs.

Your welcome for clearing that up for you!

Look, I am all for naked pictures of adult celebs. I find them amusing, entertaining and well…revealing, but TMZ picked the WORST photo out of a group of photos of British singer Lily Allen, and in keeping with their inherent cruelty, they never bothered to remind people that Ms. Allen (no she’s NOT married) was pregnant a little while back with ex-boyfriend Ed Simmons (Chemical Brothers) baby. Sadly Lily lost her baby and it seems that creep Ed dumped her.

So, while Lily may look a little ripe in the above photo, the angle and the fact that she was pregnant not THAT long ago should be taken into consideration. As should a top, some sunscreen and a stylish cover-up. And may I add perhaps some toner for her bleach blond hair. That is not her best look.

Here’s a better angle and a more accurate depiction of what Lily really looks like. No, she’s not “slim” but she’s not a beached whale either as the TMZ post states.

Doesn’t anyone believe in marriage anymore? First Jamie Lynn, now Lily Allen.

I don’t have the energy to get into this story and to be honest, it’s not that surprising. All celebs are apparently too busy to use birth control or get married, or stop being stupid. The Sun is reporting singer Lily Allen is pregnant with her boyfriend of four months, Ed Simmons baby. Ed is one of the two guys from The Chemical Brothers. I like the Chemical Brothers. I like Lily Allen.

I also like people to not have kids until they are married and when they do have kids, to not be complete idiots. I hope Lily has given up drinking and smoking. Not a requirement by any means, just a suggestion. But don’t listen to me, you do what you want. What do I know? I waited to get married to have kids, and look at me. On top of the world!

Congrats you two knuckleheads.

I am pretty surprised that someone as outspoken and abrasive as Lily Allen is would be bothered by idle chatter about her weight or allow herself to get sucked into the whole body image machine manufactured by the entertainment industry. Not that I suggest she take her health for granted and get all fat and out of shape, but clearly, you are what you are. Just be the best you can be at what you are.

Lily is a pear-shaped little lass. She’s by no means fat or ugly. She’s quite cute and spunky. Would she look better thinner? Well, maybe. Most of us would. But being skinny isn’t as easy for some people as it is for others and for Lily to post the following message on her website shows that she really is cracking under the pressure of fame and is far more vunerable than she would like us to believe.

From Lily’s MySpace page:

“fat, ugly and shitter than winehouse

that is all i am, im on my own in america again. I used to pride myself on being strong minded and not being some stupid girl obsessed with the way I look. I felt like it didnt matter if I was a bit chubby cause, im not a model, I’m a singer. Im afraid I am not strong and have fallen victim to the evil machine. I write to you in a sea of tears from my hotel bed in Seattle, I have spent the past hour researching gastric bypass surgery, and laser lipo suction.”

First and foremost, I would rather compare myself to someone immensely more attractive and appealing than Amy Winehouse. Like the Loch Ness Monster for instance. Yes, that would be a better choice. Lily, as far as we know has all her teeth, and isn’t a raging meth-head who dabbles in alcoholism on the side.

Second of all, suck it up. We all feel worthless and sh*tty when we are in our early 20’s. It goes with the territory. Unless of course, you are Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, and then you just cover up those feelings of post-adolescent insecurity with illegal drugs, shopping binges and sex with strangers.

Really Lily, don’t start feeling sorry for yourself. You’re better than that.

Quit smoking, go for long walks, drink water for every other pint and focus on recording some more music. You’ll be fine. Seriously.The people you are comparing yourself to are really not in the same league as you.

Head.Out.Of.Arse.Now.

This pep-talk was free, the next one’s gonna cost you!

Various news reports have stated that an exhausted and homesick Lily Allen has cancelled the remaining 20 tour dates she had scheduled for her US tour to promote her debut album Alright, Still. What exactly happened, read here:

The decision came after Lily saw her music boss boyfriend Seb Chew for the first time in weeks, an insider told the paper. “She realised she just wanted to be back home,” the source said. Seb had apparently flown out to meet Lily in New York, saying: “I’m really worried about her.”

Lily, 21, had apparently been telling fans that she had been “weeping under the duvet”. The singer apparently axed a gig in New York on Thursday although she appeared on The Today Show on Friday, reports NME. Lily’s management did not immediately return calls.

It was my intention to go to her show, sneak in backstage and ambush her with an impromtu interview, but bullocks to that. That little wuss is going back home to her friends and her man. Those with tickets for upcoming shows are being laughed at. Just kidding, refunds are to be issued. Damn crybaby Brits.

I was really looking forward to that show, jerk.

Lily Allen, the fiery little lass from the UK who’s ska-revival-infused pop sound is slowly infiltrating the U.S., doesn’t much appreciate how our culture pits her against her music rivals.  In this case, fellow Brit singer the bluesy-rocker Amy Winehouse.  Allen insists there’s no real rivalry, only one made up in the press.  I tend to believe her on this one, as Allen’s non-too-shy about expressing how she feels about other celebrities and musicians.  Lily on the Amy Winehouse much-ado-about-nothing:

“Every interview I do I’m getting asked how I feel about Amy. It’s starting to really p%#s me off. I really like Amy and am totally supportive of her. “Why do people always try to play women off against each other? Or why not create a rivalry between the boys? I think there is something seriously wrong with this part of our culture.”

Lily makes a good point, but why is she surprised? If there’s no controversy, then one will be created, especially in her case.  It is Lily Allen’s very outspokenness that has helped to make her a household name.  She must know deep down, that this willingness to speak critically and openly would not only bring her attention, but also some negative repercussions.

Her most recent attack was shot at the Beckhams, David and Victoria.  Lily on the Beckhams:

“We are bombarded with fashion mags and gossip mags with rich pop stars and Victoria Beckhams with their new handbags and kids think that’s the sort of life they should have.”

That’s what we here in the states call: keeping up with the Joneses.  It’s what drives our capitalist society, and quite honestly, it’s what makes us great.  Our greed and need to have EVERYTHING.  All in all, that’s one of the more insightful things Ms. Allen has said.

Last week Lily blasted our President Bush in concert when she got drunk while performing in San Diego.  Here’s an excerpt of what happened:

The ‘Smile’ singer, after guzzling beer and cider onstage during the concert, attacked Bush for being an “a**ehole and a c**t” before turning her ire on Brit PM Tony Blair and calling him a “c**t’s bitch”.  Allen then had people gaping when she declared that she was “probably bisexual”, and that she was tired of men with “tiny d***s”. She also said that San Diego has the best crack whores she’d ever seen, and that she was thinking of becoming a lesbian.

I totally know how she feels.  San Diego’s crack whores are THE BEST. 

Anyway, this is typical of the cherubic-faced Allen.  She’s gone off on Sir Bob Geldolf, Madonna, Pete Doherty, MTV and James Blunt to name a few. Not that I blame her, they are all a bunch of tossers.  But with that kind of “mouthy” track record she has no place to complain about people wanting to create a rivalry from fellow Brit singer and total drunk Amy Winehouse. 

In truth, I am totally psyched about this British Invasion; drunk chicks who sing, crackheads who date cokewhore models, metrosexual soccer players and their pimped out wives – and who knew Tony Blair was a total b*itch.  A total hot b*tch at that!

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