“ManBalm” is your eye on sports gossip, or whatever BC Sports editor Matt Sussman finds funny, which means you probably won’t.

Eight more business days, TMZ. Eight more business days until the Super Bowl. Good work on distracting us from the fact that there’s one more football game in the season with some petty news that Tom Brady — gasp! — is a football player and sustains nagging injuries from week to week.

That’s right, Brady hurt his ankle a little bit. He was also on the injury report in last week’s AFC championship game with a shoulder injury, and the other quarterback didn’t even have a freakin’ ACL. This just in: football is a contact sport played by large mammals who crash into each other with hard plastic helmets.

So reporting that Tawmmy Brayyyyydy is nursing injuries from football games two days ago is a good start, TMZ. Digging up that Kevin Faulk is recovering from a banged-up knee just doesn’t have the same panache. But we need more. Since these stories come in waves, and usually the next business day is used for people to say “Okay, this really isn’t a big deal,” it will take exactly four more BOMBSHELL OMG BREAKING stories to fill the space until Super Bowl XLII.

Thursday: Giants defensive end Michael Strahan is found sleeping with a stripper in his New York apartment.

(Next day aftermath: turns out, he’s divorced.)

Next Monday: New England head coach Bill Belichick is caught spying again when he plans cameras all over the New York Giants locker room and the nearby hallways.

(Next day aftermath: those were actually security cameras installed when the stadium was built. Bill Belichick only has the feed of the cameras in the women’s bathroom. Disturbing, but well within NFL rules.)

Next Wednesday: Injured Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey is arrested for trying to solicit oral sex from an undercover cop late Tuesday night.

(Next day aftermath: It wasn’t Jeremy Shockey. It was Falcons defensive back Eugene Robinson. And it wasn’t late Tuesday night. It was nine years ago.)

Next Friday: Gisele Bundchen eats a cheeseburger.

(Next day aftermath: …okay, this one’s actually legit.)

“ManBalm” is your eye on sports gossip, or whatever BC Sports editor Matt Sussman finds funny, which means you probably won’t.

Going from memory, I couldn’t take even an educated stab in the dark as to how or why Kim Kardashian became a celebrity. Closing my eyes and guessing, I’d assume … failed reality star trying to stay in the spot light.

Wait… daughter of O.J. Simpson’s late best friend? Wow, I was way off. Well, maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. After all, she does have a reality show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which — judging by the title — is a story of how the Kardashian family goes on a morning family jog.

She might be most known for a sex tape when she was with rapper Ray J for [checks total running time of video ... still checking ... hold on, this may take a while]

And we’re back. Where was I? The Ohio State Buckeyes had trouble scoring in the second quarter when LSU… wait, wrong website. Ah yes. Gossip!

But wait, there’s more…

If you’ve been reading Glosslip for the past year, well I have to wonder about both your sanity and your social life, but more importantly, you might have caught one of the rare, but special ManBalm features.

Sports journalist and all around good guy Matt Sussman created a special feature for those men who like tabloid gossip, but preferred sports. By combining the two interests ManBalm was born. Sadly, because Matt’s often busy dating inappropriately young women, covering sports from around the globe and squeezing in a day job plus his editing duties at Blogcritics, he hasn’t been updating ManBalm like he should, and for which he is contractually obligated AND still owes me posts for.

Ahem…so please tune in for tonight’s show at 10:00pm EST ManBalm special where Matt will be discussing Cowboy Quarterback Tony Romo.

In case you aren’t familiar, Tony has intersected the world of celeb gossip by dating the intellectual powerhouse that is Jessica Simpson. He has been previously linked to Carrie Underwood, Britney Spears and Sophie Bush. I’d say if he hadn’t already dated Britney Spears, then he was only one step away from the dumb blonde gutter, but this guy is all over the celebtart map. (Although…he gets a thumbs up for dating Carrie Underwood, and a thumbs down for not sticking with her.)

Besides football, Jessica and Tony are said to talk about global economics, quantum physics and boobs. At least one of those things they know something about.

Also, EO, Josh and I will discuss this week’s biggest celeb stories. Which really means we will talk about how dumb Britney Spears is and some other stuff. Just because you people are sick of hearing about Britney, doesn’t mean I’ve beaten that dead horse to death yet.

RADIO CALL IN NUMBER: (646)478-0139

A star basketball player on a world champion NBA team. A model slash actress on trashy prime time drama. Even eHarmony would have to agree that’s a perfect match. But even though the actress portrays a bride-to-be who threatens to call off her wedding, there’s no way her actual wedding, would … no … oh no!

Could it be? Oh no, the wedding of San Antonio Spurs’ point guard Tony Parker and Desperate Housewives minx Eva Longoria isn’t going to … wait, never mind.
But wait, there’s more…

“ManBalm” is your eye on sports gossip, or whatever BC Sports editor Matt Sussman finds funny, which means you probably won’t.

Try and find me one child born in the 1980s who never once pretended, for at least one split second on a basketball court somewhere, to be Michael Jordan. Go on, do that right now, before you continue reading. I have time.
But wait, there’s more…

How’s it goin’, lippers of the gloss? I’m Matt Sussman, sports editor of BC Magazine and proprietor of the sports blog The Futon Report. After responding to an adult personal in Maxim Dawn’s e-mail, I’m now the curator of a not-necessarily-weekly feature on GlossLip known as ManBalm.

What’s ManBalm? It’s the time in all our lives where sports and celebrity collide, leaving a magical, translucent substance between our chin and nose. It’s entirely natural, so don’t be nervous. Trust me: the word “ManBalm” sounds rather disgusting at first, but with time I’m fairly confident it will deviate from gross-sounding to merely disappointing. Much like a date with me.

Nobody’s quite sure if we’ll evolve from athletes’ encounters with non-athletic train wreck celebrities to simply making up goofy shit about ballplayers (”Brett Favre once ate an entire feral pig!”). It depends on how the mood strikes us. For ManBalm’s maiden voyage, we’re just gonna play it safe with athletes and celebrities by tabbing one from each column — ones with whom their fans are on a first name basis, but probably not vice versa — Britney and Kobe.

But wait, there’s more…