“ManBalm” is your eye on sports gossip, or whatever BC Sports editor Matt Sussman finds funny, which means you probably won’t.

Try and find me one child born in the 1980s who never once pretended, for at least one split second on a basketball court somewhere, to be Michael Jordan. Go on, do that right now, before you continue reading. I have time.

…Oh, you found someone? Okay, male figure skaters don’t count.

Every kid with common sense wanted to be like Mike growing up. Now I wonder how many suffocated men are channeling their inner dreams by letting go of the ball and chain, as Jordan is doing with his wife Juanita after 17 years.

And, much like on the basketball court with the Chicago Bulls and his six NBA championships, Jordan just has to top everyone, doesn’t he? Forbes magazine is estimating that the divorce will cost MJ well over $150 million, surpassing Neil Diamond’s $150 million he traded for his “Get Out Of Hell Free” card.

Michael and Juanita cited “irreconcilable differences” for the divorce, which may or may not have had anything to do with that extramarital fling back in ‘89. And it may or may not have anything to do with Space Jam.

But that hasn’t stopped Jordan from tearing up the dance floor, as seen in Exhibit A. Deadspin uncovered this beauty of a photo on Monday, where Jordan demonstrates that men in his age can walk and chew gum, or in this case, grind and hold a cigar. Either way it’s multitasking, and the latter seems a skosh tricker.

This is just a wild guess here, but with Jordan being 44 years old, those ladies might be 44 combined. I again challenge you to find one man who isn’t, for at least one split second, wishing they were Michael Jordan today.