Above is video of Disney’s “Hannah Montana” star Miley Cyrus performing at Fox’s 2009 Teen Choice Awards. Why yes, that is a stripper pole on an ice cream cart. Nothing says wholesome like combining skeevy strip-tease tools and child-hood sweets — it’s like a dream conjured up in the mind of perverts.

Miley’s image is a disaster for Disney and for Miley. Sure she may be worth millions now (let’s hope she invests wisely) but ask any former teen star how hard it is to transition from teen star to adult star and most would have harrowing tales to tell. Lindsay, Britney, Mischa and Vanessa Hudgens (on the heels of a more nude photos leaked) certainly could fill us all in on that challenge, and then some. It’s not impossible to do it, but you need to have a team of caring, moral and ethical people around you in order to survive with your dignity intact.

For Miley, it’s been one disaster after another. First it was the risque photos leaked to the media, then the botched Vanity Fair photo shoot, not to mention the catty YouTube videos poking fun at fellow Disney star Selena Gomez, and of course, the racial insensitivity. One would think whoever does PR for Miley might try a little harder. And this latest effort, is NOT what I would call “trying harder.”

Miley Cyrus is reviled in our home and my 9-year old daughter came to this conclusion on her own. It’s only a matter of time until Miley’s string of poor choices finally catch up with her within the entire tween demographic. It always does.

I understand that I am in a unique position from most parents, I see ALL of Miley’s missteps, and therefore I am much more astute at figuring out this young girl is a TRAINWRECK waiting to happen. Clearly, Miley and her camp are on the Britney Spears roadmap to fame: whore them out early and often. Not only does this brand Miley for the next generation of consumers, but it also helps sexualize her long before she is even fully mature. Everyone knows sex sells, and Miley’s parents and handlers are no exception.

I know I am not the only one who thinks this is both sick, perverse and twisted. Most of my fellow moms have banned Miley from their household, and the trend is growing. Isn’t it bad enough Miley has middle-aged men stalking her? You’d think that would be a wake-up call to her parents. This isn’t the norm, this is the exception. There are plenty of young, talented women who are famous, who DON’T have a negative image to overcome. These young women have managed to avoid the cliched pitfalls of Hollywood, simply because they chose a personal set of standards, modesty and dare I say,personal safety, over a fistful of dollars.

It may be a common refrain, but it bears repeating: why do we continue to sexualize our children before they have even gained enough life experience to understand their OWN sexuality?

The blame isn’t solely Miley’s, who by all accounts, is still a child. There is plenty to go around, namely her parents Tish and Billy Ray, who clearly have been blinded by the millions to be gained by pimping out their daughter at an early age. Clearly, these two are too stupid to have learned anything from the Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan fiascos — how many young girls must we trash before we change our ways?

My daughter, hardly unique in her maturity and level of sophistication, saw through the Miley machine pretty quickly. When she walks through Wal-Mart and makes gagging sounds at all the garish displays of Miley merchandise, or the revealing photos on the nightly news, it’s not hard to put it all together. This isn’t genuine, real or lasting. Miley is a fabrication of Hollywood, and while some kids may be blinded by fan worship, many others see through the ruse, and in time Miley’s facade and slick production won’t translate to her maturing fan base.

When a 9-year old says “Miley makes me uncomfortable. Why is she posing almost nude Mom?” then you KNOW something is wrong.

Makes me glad we skipped the Teen Choice Awards, I sure don’t feel ready to explain the stripper pole to my kids.

I tend to ignore people like Mischa Barton because they are so cluelessly unaware of the world’s perception of them, that it makes it a severe waste of time pointing out the obvious. Sadly, even Mischa has made herself impossible to ignore.

A bit of Mischa history. Barton was a model and sometimes actress, best known for her role on the “O.C.”, a fairly popular show going back a few years. Mischa is also known for hanging with the other Hollywood messes Lindsay Lohan, the reformed Nicole Ritchie and her herp-infected pal Paris Hilton. Even these skanks knew better than to keep hanging out with Mischa, as her life began to spiral out of control.

Many a blind item has been devoted to Barton’s coke habits, possible meth addiction and alcoholic endeavors. It seems Mischa’s successes in life revolve around her love-life — when that fails, she fails. When she dated Cisco Adler she kept herself mostly together, but since then, she’s had a string of failed relationships and her struggles to maintain stability have become quite public, including a DUI, numerous reports of drug and alcohol binges, as well as a stalled career.

In the last two weeks Mischa has been forced to come to terms with her out of control behavior, landing her Cedars Sinai Hospital under a 5150 – which is essentially a mandatory hold placed a person who is deemed a danger to themselves, or possibly others. Reports have stated that after a 3-day drug binge (possibly on cocaine) Mischa flipped out and called the police with threats of suicide.

Now, a video has surfaced of Mischa doing an interview for Handbag TV, after a recent opening at Harrod’s in London. Homegirl is a certified mess. Being an “older” person, I have some familiarity with people “under the influence” but I have never seen someone this obviously whacked out on something. Her eyes pupils are HUGE, she can’t stand still, she’s fidgeting, staring off into space and what the EFF is with her voice? Honestly, she looks TERRIBLE and this should be a huge wake-up call to Mischa and those around her.

What Was And What Should Never Be

I may be an old fuddy duddy, but where are the responsible people in these young starlets lives and why aren’t they looking out for them? Mischa’s sister Hania tried to commit suicide in 2008 and has been seen looking completely out of it also – WTF? If I had two kids that lost, I would definitely be doing something. Shame on her parents, shame on her friends, shame on her handlers.

Mischa, when you make people like Lindsay Lohan worried for you and telling you that you need help — YOU NEED HELP!

Let’s get on this already.

I have been debating for days now whether to even discuss the rather unflattering pics circulating of Mischa Barton in a bikini. This really isn’t the first time we were made aware of her less than smooth posterior, but surely this young woman (she’s all of 22) has a mirror and can see for herself that she’s in no shape to be wearing a far-too-small bikini for her body.

The problem with Mischa is she lives on a healthy diet of cigarettes, pot, booze, pills and who knows what else. Smoking is said to contribute to cellulite, and Mischa’s a living example this is true. Hey, even supermodels can get cellulite, it’s a matter of biology. But with a decent diet, plenty of healthy exercise and some self-tanners even those of us who haven’t been blessed with unnaturally smooth skin can look “ok” in a bikini.

Mischa needs to come to terms with reality and admit, even though she’s a pretty girl, she’s NOT in good shape and should really do something about that.

Smoking pot all the time will only lead to unhealthy snacking, so put the bong down and pick up some weights and take a walk young lady, those bumps on your humps are really out of control.

Your PSA for the day.

Not wanting to be left out of the 2007 graduating class of celeb imbeciles who received DUIs in 2007 (a long list we will expound on later) the former OC’er Mischa Barton made it just under the gun when she was popped for DUI Thursday night at 2:45 in LA.

Mischa is said to have had a blood alcohol level of .12, marijuana in her system and prescription pills in another person’s name on her person when she was arrested for “straddling two lanes of traffic and failing to use her turn signal when making a turn.”

So not only does Mischa have a unfortunate taste for unflattering mom-jeans, she’s also a pill-popping, joint smoking, drunk who can’t drive.

Mischa posted 10K bailed and was escorted home by her proud parents.

We have four more days left of 2007, who will have the temerity to join this year’s graduating class of asstards? My money’s on Britney Spears – SHE’S WAY OVERDUE for a DUI, and honestly her mugshot will round out my elaborate and eclectic collection of idiots.

 

Memorial Day weekend was full of excitement.  While we regular folks here at Glosslip went to see the new Pirates of The Caribbean (B+ btw) because the weather here stunk, peeps be partying Hollywood style and getting their drunk on.

Mischa Barton, who used to be an actress or something, was rushed to the hospital Sunday night for what is being reported as a ”bad reaction” to medication.  According to sources close to the actress, Ms. Barton was on prescription meds (antibiotics??) for a bronchial infection she apparently picked up flying between Cannes and the U.S. over the last couple of weeks.  While attending a barbeque with her pal Nicole Richie in LA. Barton had a “reaction” to mixing cocktails and her “meds” and became very ill.  She was rushed to a local hospital where she is said to be “feeling much better.”

My guess is she had one too many tokes of the hippy lettuce, dropped a little sompin’ sompin’, washed it down with a couple of margaritas and bam!  She fell like a brick

Mischa here’s some rules to live by:beer before liquor, never sicker; pot before beer, never fear.  Toke one, have a Scooby snack, let it mellow.  And above all, eat before you imbibe.  Food’s not just for looking at, it keeps you from barfing up all those quality “meds” you youngin’s like so much.

Yeah, I remember my first bender.  Like it was yesterday…wait a sec…it was yesterday.