Looks like Spencer and Heidi have put a hold on their honeymoonin’.

Spencer Pratt aka Speidi (hate conjoined names with a passion) was interviewed by Pop Wrap of the NY  Post, and happened to mention that he hasn’t been gettin’ any from his wifey-poo because he is a fraid of her becoming pregnant. He is preventing Heidi’s dream of becoming a mother by refusing her sex. Oh Spencer, you are a side splitter!

He says that Heidi has him ”debating whether to cut off his nuts”. Considering there isn’t much to cut off in the first place Spence, I am sure there are many people standing in line who would be willing to do that for you.

Apparently, Spencer is mortified of Heidi going off birth control and not telling him about it. Hmmm, what’s that Heidi? Birth control? What would Jesus have to say about that?

Spencer also says that sex really isn’t a fact in their marriage. Wow, at their age, (or any age for that matter) I find that pretty sad and funny at the same time. Maybe they just totally bore each other to death in bed. Or perhaps they may be distracted by a mirror in the room and can’t stop looking at their reflections.

I guess Spencer and Heidi haven’t considered ALL the other alternatives they can do to get their groove on without doing the dastardly missionary position nasty. Perhaps you two should rent a couple of videos or buy a book or two?

But on the other hand.. maybe it’s a good thing that they are not reproducing. Speidi offspring is a frightening notion. After all, what will they do when their baby gets more attention then them? Oh the inhumanity!

At any rate, for the life of me, I don’t see how discussing their sex life, or should I say the lack of their sex life is very complimentary to their already failing careers. It makes Spence look like more of a wuss, and the admittance of Heidi’s birth control use, makes them look like the phony Christians they truly are.

People wrote:

There are many things most people would rather not dwell upon when considering the facts behind the marriage between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, perhaps the most reviled pairing in reality TV.

Thank God sex isn’t really a fact in their marriage, according to Pratt.

Speaking to the New York Post”’s PopWrap on Tuesday, Pratt, 26, says that he’s tried to prevent Montag, 23, from realizing her dreams of becoming a young mother – by refusing her sex.

“I’m not even kidding, my wife – OK, I’m gonna get crass here – but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby,” he says. “That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding – my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.”
Hidden Fear
Behind his abstinence is his fear that Montag might go off her birth control without telling him, he says.

“She’s not the kind of person who would lie – she would just walk away and not answer the question,” he says. “So yes, I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.”

Pratt, who hints that he’d like to go on a double-date with President Barack and Michelle Obama to “share the spotlight,” and bashes frequent Speidi mocker Joel McHale, host of The Soup, as “a struggling wannabe actor just clowning on reality stars,” also gets in a dig at Lauren Conrad – whom he claims quit the MTV reality show only as a ruse to get more money.

“She quit The Hills because Speidi was getting more famous than her. So she quit thinking the show would end, but she was wrong. Her ego ruined her life and her career,” he says. “I pray for her every day and we’d all love for her to come back to The Hills when she realizes her move didn’t work.”

Pratt says he wants to go on a double date with Obama? *laughs holding sides*

Gee, what would that conversation be like over dinner? Would love to be a fly on the wall during that outing.
Maybe the double date would go something like this….

Obama: “So Spencer, why are you famous again? And why did I agree to this double date?” (as Michelle ducks into the bathroom for the 3rd time since they sat down to dinner, to avoid talking to Heidi.

Spencer answers Obama: “Uh… excuse me? I was on I Am A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here dude!”

Heidi corrects Spencer and says, “WE were on the show“.

Obama says, “is that the show that you two left early and Heidi was crying all the time?”

Heidi interupts and starts to cry and whine… ”Yeah but… they were SO unfair! And there was icky bugs and stuff. And I was the only awesome person on the whole show! And if it wasn’t for Jesus, I would have left even earlier than holding out for those four torturing days. Thank God Baldwn baptized me on show”

Spencer chimes in “ahem! WE we the most awesome people on that show. We totally ruled dude.”

Spencer then asks Obama, “Well then, how about The Hills? Have you seen how awesome we were on The Hills?”

Obama, annoyed, realizing what losers they are….looks at his watch and says, “NO“.
 
Michelle comes back to the table and Obama gives the hint to Michelle for them to leave by shifting his eyes back and forth towards the door.

Spencer  says,  “you never heard of the Hills? Dude! that’s like SO impossible.”

Obama stands up and says, “well we really should be going, I have an important meeting tomorrow”

Spencer says, “ok cool man, you must be really busy with all the President dude stuff and all. Maybe we can do this again some time”The Obamas pretend not to hear Spencer as they hurry out the door.

Spencer proudly sits back and says ”Man, they totally loved us.”

And Heidi says, “Totally”

Spencer grabs Heidi’s leg, winks and says, “come on…. let’s get out of here and do some serious dry humping. Which I am totally rad at.”

Heidi says “Totally“.
End scene.

*Sigh*
I digress…
So back to not having sex and their dwindling careers….

Spencer and Heidi can always live off Heidi’s line of whore bag clothes called Heidiwood. (if they are still selling that is) I find the name Heidiwood for her fashion line totally ironic now.

Maybe they should change the title to “Speidi-Blue-Balls” and feature bedazzled chastity belts. Awesome!

Word of advice Speidi… Save your money dudes. I think your future careers will involve Heidi eventually doing a commercial for tampons. And down the line you both may be asking if people want paper or plastic.

Or perhaps you two can do a Christian public service video on abstinence? I can just imagine what it would sound like…. 
Spencer would say, “Just don’t do it dudes, you end up with babies and junk”
And then Heidi would say, “Besides sex can be SO icky! Yuck!”

I say if you want some really big bucks there’s always the all mighty sex tape leak that you two can fall back on. A comedy sex video that is. *snicker*

Oh wait….that’s  right… you ain’t gettin’ any.

Speidi Off To Dry Hump Like….Ummm, Errr…Rabbits?

Will Ferrell, Thomas Lennon (Lt. Jim Dangle on Reno 911), and Don Faison (Kirk from Scrubs) and a host of other celebs got together to convey their message against the super rich health care executives by starring in this Public Service Announcement (spoof video) which was listed on Funny Or Die. 

It was sponsored by MoveOn.Org which started out in 1988 as an email group and blossomed, well, more like exploded. As of 2009, MoveOn has a membership of 5.2 million, with 20 full-time and 20 part-time staffers. Not too shabby!
Wikipedia says MoveOn.Org is:

An American non-profit progressive, liberal public policy advocacy group and political action committee which has raised millions of dollars for candidates of the Democratic Party in the United States. Formed in response to the impeachment of President Bill Clinton,it has been cited in some accounts as a factor which helped propel the Democratic Party to power in the 2006 midterm elections.

This video received two million views in two days! It’s funny stuff!

Examiner.com wrote:

Celebrity PSA video about Obama’s health insurance plan gets 2 million views in 2 days.
With celebrities like Will Ferrell, John Hamm and Donald Faison opening the video with a “Something terrible is happening” chant.

“Health insurance executives are getting a bad rap,” Will Ferrell explains, dead pan.

“We need to remember who the real victims are,” Donald Faison, best known for his role in Clueless, says.

John Hamm fades into the viral video in black and white and explains: “Health insurance executives.”

A variety of stars then go on to explain in fits of sarcasm that if their little boy falls off his bike, he should pay for it himself and stop whining.

The US is in a complete tug of war over the skyrocketing health care costs and Obama’s plans to fix it. This video is a refreshing and funny look at just how wrong it is to keep padding the pockets of these health insurance companies.

I wish there were more PSA announcements that would show just how ridiculous it is to not support a total change in the health care system. 

Obama may not have all the answers right now. Hell, he has been in office for less than a year, and I am not saying everything he does will go right, but people are expecting miracles right off the bat in a very short time. They seem to have a very short memory of the mess that was left behind. The US citizens’ impatience totally boggles my mind. 

My wish is for Democrats and Republicans to ban together and fix what has been so wrong for so long.
Oh to dream…

Okay, come on.  First of all, I looked at that title, and almost spit out my tea when I realized what I’d written.  Oprah Winfrey, otherwise known as Goddess Of All She Surveys, really and truly believes that she has the powah to influence an American Presidential election.  It’s her world, we just exist in it.

If you recall, before the election she said that she didn’t want Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin on her show because she didn’t want her show to be a platform for any of the candidates.  You see, that might show partisanship on her part.  Because she has all this powah to influence the course of a nation, and any favoring of one candidate over another might unduly sway voters.  Never mind that that she had President-Elect Obama on her little show twice before she decided that nobody else running for office could come out and play with her.  What, the last time he was on was in October of 2006?  Oh, well, I guess he just decided on the spur of the moment to do that whole running-for-President thing.  None of this planning in advance for him, like every other successful Presidential candidate ever.

Of course, the fact that she “begged” President-Elect Obama to let her produce his half-hour infomercial isn’t any sort of display of favoritism.  Oh no.  She was just trying to perform a public service.  I’m absolutely positive that if John McCain had come to her asking for help producing an infomercial for his campaign, she would have been more than happy to do so.  Because she’s so middle-of-the-road and all.  No favorites for her!  It does make me wonder if the gown that she had already purchased before the election in anticipation of Obama’s win would have been worn to a McCain inauguration.  What am I saying…of course she would have, because she’s so fair and unbiased.

But what’s this?  She has the cojones to complain that Sarah Palin hasn’t done her show yet?

“I said I would be happy to talk to Sarah Palin when the election was over,” Oprah reveals to “Extra.” “I went and tried to talk to Sarah Palin and instead she talked to Greta Van Susteren. She talked to Matt Lauer. She talked to Larry King, but she didn’t talk to me. But maybe she’ll talk to me now that she has a book deal.”

You betcha…I’m sure Sarah Palin is just chomping at the bit to do Oprah’s show now.  I mean, say what you want about the woman, and she’s made her share of mistakes, and I’m sure a great portion of the public doesn’t even like her, but she’s a strong-willed woman (just like Oprah) and she doesn’t strike me as the type to be pushed around by a former Chicago anchorwoman or to beg to be on her little overhyped chatfest.  Simon Scowl over at Deceiver put it best:

Can somebody explain what’s in it for Palin? Was she supposed to hit up Oprah’s cell as she was weaving back and forth and weeping in Grant Park? “Hi, Oprah! We both know you’re a total hypocrite who did everything within your power to elect Obama, but now that it only does one of us any good, could you please have me on your show at your earliest convenience? Pretty please?” Oh, you betcha.

I think perhaps Michelle Obama should remind Oprah of just who the real First Lady is.  Hey, I ain’t sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

(of course, k’s opinions only)

big hattip to Deceiver, who does this better than I can

In all seriousness, don’t let this happen to you. Regardless of who you vote for on Nov. 4, don’t be a lazy mothereffer, get out there and vote. Don’t let (insert your name here) = LOSER!

I wish I could lay claim to having found this, but fellow BC-er, music editor and the biggest Bruce Springsteen fan ever to walk this earth, Glen Boyd did.

(To make your own video, go here.)

I don’t want to seem like I am picking on Sarah Palin, that’s Tina Fey’s job. I just couldn’t pass up this opportunity. To be fair, none of those beers seem to Governor Palin’s. She too busy concentrating on her and John McCain’s “mavericky” future to be tossing back cold ones.

BTW, that debate was kind of lame. Tom Brokaw needed a bullhorn to help enforce the rules, and it’d be nice if there were more interaction from the actual undecided voters in the audience.

You were totally asking for a Barack-Roll.