I wonder if she turned to Benji before she left the house and asked, “Honey, do I look fat in this?”

Could it be?  No…surely not!  Life couldn’t be that cruel…right?  Right?  We haven’t seen Paris for a while and she never does anything without a reason…so…?

Hey…ain’t sayin’, just sayin’.

No, I’m serious. Britain’s Living TV is going to sign up Wonky herself to star in a show called Paris’ Pooches, where she will manage a pet grooming business in London:

The heiress is set to invade U.K. TV. Paris Hilton has reportedly signed a deal with a British channel to star in a dog-grooming show entitled “Paris’ Pooches.”

Hilton, 27, allegedly inked a deal with Living TV television channel to star in a series, in which she will manage a beauty parlor for dogs in Bond Street, London.

An insider tells Sunday Star newspaper, “The shop is perfect for Paris. It’s a subject she’s passionate about and it’s a way for her to break into U.K. TV.”

“Watching Paris act out her Los Angeles lifestyle, in which tiaras for Chihuahuas are of real importance, should be very entertaining. And she will no doubt be hitting the clubs and parties over here in the same way she does back home.”

Yes, I’m serious. The same woman who admits she collects pets like she collects purses, who was well over the limit on how many domestic animals she had within the Los Angeles city limits, and who refused to spay or neuter her animals or give away the puppies (because only big meanie poopyheads take babies away from their mommas), is going to have a show about pets.

Let’s revisit the list of Paris’ pet sins, shall we?

To Ellen DeGeneres, on why she has so many dogs:

Ellen: Seventeen? Why do you have so many dogs?

Paris: Cuz they keep having babies, and I feel bad to give them away, because I feel like if I had a baby and someone gave it away it would be mean, so I feel bad for my dogs.

Ellen: Paris, you have to spay and neuter your pets.

Paris: They all just got fixed.

Ellen: All of ‘em?

Paris: (pause) (unconvincingly) Yes.

Ellen: No. You’re lying again!

Paris: Two–two of them weren’t.

On a cat that was forgotten at a vet’s office:

TMZ has learned that Miss P adopted the puddy tat — which she named Prada — at the Kris Kelly Foundation last May, about a week before she headed to Lynwood Jail. After Paris was released, we’re told she knew she had to have Prada neutered, but didn’t get around to it until a few weeks ago, on January 30.

But here’s the problem — nobody came back for Prada! About a week later, Kris Kelly herself called Paris to find out what happened, but she still hasn’t heard back as to what to do with Paris’ pussy.

Paris’ people say this is nothing to meow about. The cat was to be dropped off to be neutered and then delivered to one of Paris’ peeps. That apparently hasn’t happened yet. But Kris tells us that it’s “a clear-cut case of abandonment” (no pun intended, we think) and has decided not to return the cat.

In 2004, listing the animals she can remember:

Yeah, I’m a big animal lover. Tinkerbell is my life. She comes with me everywhere. I also have a ferret named Dolce & Gabbana. Ferrets are illegal [in New York], but whatever. I just bought a bobcat yesterday. She’s a little girl. I have rats, snakes, and a bunch of other animals, too, like cats and an iguana.

And from 2007, another inventory of her collection:

Paris says, “My animals make me really happy.” When speaking about how many animals she has, the socialite says, “eleven dogs, three cats, three ferrets, two rabbits, and two monkeys.” Many of these animals are allowed to run free around her home according to Hilton.

She tells Elle that the monkeys and ferrets are kept at her ranch but, “the dogs and cats and bunnies run around my house. I have this guy, Eric, who’s like a zookeeper, and he’s with them all the time. He loves them, and I love them, too. But since I work a lot I’m not always home.”

In addition to the well known Chihuahuas, Tinkerbell and Bambi, Hilton owns a Rottweiler named Tyson and eight other dogs. In 2005, Hilton got in some trouble with animal authorities.

The first incident involved Hilton purchasing a kinkajou. The animal, Baby Luv had to be given up because it was illegal to be owned as a pet. The second instance involved Hilton attempting to own a baby kangaroo as a pet, which she purchased in Australia. She has also won numerous awards for being the worst pet owner on the planet.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…this woman is not an animal lover, she is an animal hoarder. She attaches human emotions to animals, she collects them as though they were things, she is convinced she is the only one who can truly love these animals, and by believing she is doing something so wonderful with these animals. All classic signs.

And she’s being rewarded for this behavior with a television show. Is this not a perfect example of what is so wrong and screwed up about the celeb lifestyle and those who pay to televise it? Besides, it’s pretty clear that “hitting the clubs and parties over here in the same way she does back home” is the real reason for the show. And are they serious, saying that tiaras for dogs are of “real importance”?

Makes me glad I have cats. Just try to put a tiara on a cat.

do not want!

There’s something unholy about a Paris Hilton caressing South African orphans.

Not only because she is a diseased attention-whore, but also because she has a history of being a bigoted racist who has been video-taped screwing people on films and wharfing lines of coke the size of a center-divider on the freeway.

IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com - Paris Hilton’s Racist New Years Part 2

Clearly a sense of shame is not something Paris possesses, because she used a visit to South Africa to pimp herself out as some kind of good samaritan. I suppose it’s possible the administrators of the South African orphanage where Paris visited where unaware of her legendary whorishness, but we here in the States, where stories of Paris are usually accompanied with mugshots, bare vaginas and penises, are not buying it.

At least Glosslip’s not buying it. Do not be fooled by the beautiful faces of these children, Paris is still all about Paris.

Paris was in South Africa with her boyfriend of the moment, Good Charlotte’s Bengi Madden (brother of Nicole Ritchie’s baby-daddy Joel Madden) where they will be performing in Johannesburg, at the aptly titled My Coke Fest. Seriously, who came up with that title? Some marketing reject? Paris and My Coke Fest? Sounds like any weekend at casa de Hilton. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

story via dlisted.com

 

Of all the things I can find to pick on Paris Hilton about (and they are legion), her feet aren’t one of them (or, to be more accurate, two of them):

She’s not one to shy away from attention of any sort, but not even Paris Hilton would be pleased that all eyes were on her rather peculiar feet yesterday.

The heiress’ huge size 11s attracted attention for all the wrong reasons - they looked exceptionally bony and sinewy as she hit the street in a silver pair of ballet flats in LA yesterday.

Paris has previously bemoaned her super sized feet, saying: “Yeah, it sucks, because I see all these super cute shoes in the stores: Guccis, YSLs, Manolos. And when they bring them out in my size, they look like clown shoes.”

I am really sick and tired of the media finding something about people that doesn’t fit what some arbitrary anonymous person has decided is the “norm”, and flogging it to death and beyond.  I can pick all day on things like Paris’ clothing, hairdo, choice of makeup, horrible pet-owning skills, stupid decisions, vacuous personality, and even her choice of shoes, but those are all things she can change or do something about.  There’s not much one can do about the size of one’s feet.

Besides, there are more women in the world with big feet than small ones (you hear that, shoe stores?).  Just in America, the average shoe size for women is around a size 9.  And it must be taken into account that Paris is 5′8″ tall (coincidentally, also my height) and very slender (coincidentally, how I vision myself inside my head), and she has long, thin limbs and fingers.  Of course her feet look bony, it’s how her body is built.  People need to stop describing larger feet in terms normally reserved for abcessed pus-filled sores.

And of course her foot looks sinewy in that photo…she’s taking a step!  Really, that’s just stupid.  It’s a foot.

I’ve had a big foot since I was a kid.  Most of the time, I wear a women’s size 12.  All the better to kick you in the butt with when you make fun of my big feet, my dear.

“Oh my goodness, there are photographers here? My my my…I nevah thought there would be somebody here to take my picture! I’m so embarrassed! Let me put my hand up by my face in complete giggly surprise. Oh, the ring? Why, that’s nothing, just some silly costume jewelry I threw on. I forgot I was wearing it! How embarrassing!”

pause

“Are you still shooting? Oh, how embarrassing!”

Lots of Paris Hilton news, so let’s get caught up.  First of all, she’s on the prowl to find a new friend…you know, someone she considers fat or ugly so she can stand beside them and look hot:

“The show is going to be about her searching for a new best friend,” a source tells Usmagazine.com. “Paris is tired of the haters and she’s looking for someone new. She’s looking for someone new and cool who she can trust.”

The untitled project – expected to be picked up by either MTV or VH1 – will be her second foray in reality television. Hilton’s The Simple Life, costarring pal Nicole Richie, aired from 2003 to 2007.

The new show is “going to be full of good chick drama and you will see a side of Paris not seen on Simple Life,” the source tells Us.

So much material, so little writing space to appropriately fit it all in.  First, I’m sure she’s totally going to find someone “new” and “cool” who is completely trustworthy by using a reality TV show.  Because, you know, people are so totally honest and real when they go on reality TV.  They never do anything like make stuff up or lie about themselves.  And I’m not sure there is a side of Paris we haven’t seen, thanks to Rick Salomon and her own pantyless escapades.

Plus, all you Paris-wannabees, how pathetic is it that she has to use a reality TV show to find herself a new friend?  Oh wait…it’s not about friendship, it’s about money.  Forgot myself for a moment there.

Next, she has looked a bit closer to home to try and find luck in the romance department:

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are officially a thing, meaning if all goes well, Paris and Nicole Richie could be … sister-in-laws. And you thought the Manson family was scary. [...]

Sources close to the situation tell TMZ, “They are dating for sure,” and that they actually met a while back but were in other relationships at the time. “It was all about the timing,” we’re told.

Apparently Paris and What’s-His-Name (hereafter to be known as “The Nottie and the Nottie”) were spotted at Home Nightclub in St. Louis danc–wait, St. Louis?  Missouri?  Paris knows where that is?

 

The last time I checked, once Paris gets a man in her life the girlfriend thing goes out the window.  Hope any of the potential Paris beeffeffs don’t plan on getting too chummy.

And animal-hoarding Paris was spotted out at a controversial pet store.  Yes, Pets of Bel Air, the pet place linked to a puppy mill and supplier to people like Paris and Britney Spears and Denise “Thumbody’s tampered wit da bawwwwwwwmb” Richards and Robin Williams (what?  Yep), was graced with the presence of Nottie and Nottie on Monday.  Like Paris needs any more pets.  What she needs to do is get rid of most of the ones she already has…you know, the ones she’s never home to take care of and that she let breed irresponsibly.

Okay, my fingers are officially revolting against writing anything else about her, so I’d better stop before they jump off my hands and run aw

That’s because everyone’s favorite nottie, Paris Hilton, has been banned from the Oscars.

Yep, you read it correctly…Paris has been given the old heave-ho by Academy Awards organizers and told that she’s not wanted there…mainly because her latest film The Hottie and the Nottie totally tanked at the box office, bringing in about $25,000 (or $225 per theater showing it).  I mean, how far down on the level of bad do you have to descend to be completely and utterly snubbed by the very people who are as close to your peers as you’ll ever have?

The Daily Star said it best, I can’t possibly put it any better than this, and I’m not even going to try:

Paris Hilton’s fairy godmother has furnished her with a £2million [$3.9M USD] outfit for the Oscars.

But the wonky-eyed Cinderella won’t be going to the ball.

The blonde irritant, 27, has been leaking her eyes all over ugly sister Nicky, 24, after being refused a chance to get her publicity fix at the swish ceremony next Sunday.

Ever the presumptuous and stingy carbuncle, Paris blagged a bum-clenchingly expensive dress and diam-onds from designer Kira Plastinina.

But her latest movie The Hottie And The Nottie has been voted the worst in history by users of film bible IMDB. So organisers of the ceremony have pointed out that giving her an invite would be like sending Jim Davidson a VIP ticket to a Gay Pride party.

Our man in the pumpkin said: “She cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars.

“She’s desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with the film bods.”

Unfortunately, Paris’s greatest screen glory was in night-vision in her infamous 2004 grumble flick 1 Night In Paris which she made with her equally wooden ex Rick Salomon, 40. Rather gallingly for Paris, she actually had to do real work to promote her latest offering to the silver screen, which sees her push the boundaries of character acting as the “Hottie”.

A gossiping mouse squeaked: “She’s tempted to go to the parties afterwards, but might wear her trademark brunette wig to save her dignity.”

So if any Prince Charmings find a glass slipper by Chateau Marmont sniff the OdorEater for traces of Paris.

PWNED!

Paris Hilton decided to celebrate her birthday this past weekend in the only way she knows how…dressed as a hooker and letting it all hang out:

The night began at the Pussycat Lounge where Paris, clad in black lingerie-inspired Pussycat attire, took the stage to introduce the Dolls. Our favorite socialite party gal sauntered around the joint, enjoyed the girls’ performance and was presented with a birthday cake.

For Part Two of Paris’ birthday spectacular, the revelers, including sis Nicky, moved on to Pure — but not before a change of outfit, of course! As we were saying, everyone moved on to Pure, where they spent the rest of the night living it up, dancing and toasting — celebrating Paris being Paris in all her glory.

Oh snap.  Can we give it a rest?  The woman just turned 27 years old, and she’s still out shaking it like a dog in heat (and she should know).

I mean, I’m not against having a good time every once in a while.  And I’m not anti-birthday-party, nor am I some sort of prude.  But come on…Paris is a lot closer to 30 than she is to 18, and while I’m not suggesting that she go out and stock up on shapeless sweatpants, Naturalizers, and granny panties, and I’m not suggesting that 27 is the beginning of orthopedic stockings and old age homes (I’m over a decade older and I still feel like a teenager inside), there comes a time when things like this just look desperate and cheap.  “Celebrating Paris being Paris”?  What is that?  Celebrating being a bad animal parent, celebrating STD’s, celebrating that her family is turning out more winners than the Hogans…what exactly are we celebrating?

Srsly.  It’s just an excuse for Paris to go out once again (does she ever stay home?) and party.  Don’t let her fool you, because this is her REAL job…promoting herself.  There are delusional young women and girls out there who look up to Paris as some sort of role model, and she’s got to perpetuate that party lifestyle so they’ll keep buying her products and making her rich (but apparently nottie going to see her movie).  It just so happens that her job is exactly the thing she loves to do the most.  How handy that Paris’ love of the wild party is exactly what her job description is!

Paris has no idea what it means to be a truly free, grown-up woman.  True women know that less is always more…we know that we’re free to act as we choose, but we carefully choose how to act.  We’ve no need to put it all on display, because we don’t need constant affirmation from others that we’ve got it.  We know we’ve got it.  Paris…sorry, she ain’t got it.

To me, this photo sums up Paris Hilton:  Dressed in her underwear and striking an affected pose while people gawp and grope.  What a legacy to leave behind.

Or more likely a shovel, considering how deep in the doodoo she’s gotten this time.

It seems that she announced to a shocked Ellen DeGeneres that she has seventeen–yes seventeen–dogs.  Here’s a snippet:

Ellen:  Seventeen?  Why do you have so many dogs?

Paris:  Cuz they keep having babies, and I feel bad to give them away, because I feel like if I had a baby and someone gave it away it would be mean, so I feel bad for my dogs.

Ellen:  Paris, you have to spay and neuter your pets.

Paris:  They all just got fixed.

Ellen:  All of ‘em?

Paris:  (pause) (unconvincingly) Yes.

Ellen:  No.  You’re lying again!

Paris:  Two–two of them weren’t.

But wait, there’s more…

We here at GlossLip are not immune to the plethora of lovey-dovey sentiments that rain down on Valentine’s Day (or, as it is more commonly known, The Day Card, Chocolate, And Flower Companies Recoup All Their Losses For The Year Day).  So, we decided to see just which Conversation Hearts our favorite celebs might be receiving this V-Day.

And yes, these are actual sayings off actual Conversation Hearts that I purchased at an actual store and am actually munching on now.  I have sat here and laboriously picked through them, searching for just the right ones, drawing from a bowl purchased specifically for this auspicious occasion.  Oh, the sacrifices I make for my art.

But wait, there’s more…