I’ll admit, I haven’t watched American Idol on a regular basis since Ruben won (he was my pick).  I kind of half-heartedly watched when Fantasia won (it was too obvious), and since then I’ve given up on the show.  But even when I was tuning in, it seemed like Paula Abdul sometimes wasn’t watching the same show as the rest of us…indeed, there were times we weren’t sure just what it was she was watching.  And her own special brand of crazazy continues, when she became entirely too confused on air:

On a night when “American Idol” switched up the judges’ format by making them hold their appraisals until every contestant had a turn, Abdul offered feedback Tuesday for two songs by Jason Castro — except that he’d only sung one.

Unlike the usual format, in which each “Idol” performance is judged immediately, Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell were made to take notes, then offer individual critiques in rapid succession at the end of each round. The reason, Seacrest explained, was because “this show is so tight.”

So after each of the final five contestants sang one Neil Diamond song, Jackson zipped through his appraisals, offering a few terse words for each before kicking it to a visibly flustered Abdul.

“Oh gosh, we’ve never had to write these things down … fast enough,” she began, shuffling through her notecards. “Jason, first song, I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear, um … .”

And that’s where it started going off the rails.

“The second song, I felt like your usual charm wasn’t — it was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty.”

Indeed.

All six people on stage, including Seacrest, stared blankly (except Syesha Mercado, who wore the furrowed brow of mystification).

“The two songs,” she continued, “made me feel like you’re not fighting hard enough to get into the top four.”

After a smattering of nervous crowd laughter, Jackson finally broke the tension.

“That was just on the first song,” he said sheepishly, pointing up to Castro. “Just on the first one.”

Simon Cowell closed his eyes and shook his head, and began to guffaw as Abdul’s confusion mounted.

“Oh my god, I thought you — I thought you sang twice!” she said.

She explained that she got confused by looking ahead at the notes for David Cook. […]

Even Cowell gathered himself to help patch up the moment, patting Abdul on the shoulder and asking, as if to speed things along, “Paula, who was your favorite?”

Her reply: Cook (the same contestant whose performance she supposedly noted as having left her “empty”). […]

Abdul told “Entertainment Tonight” after the show that she was thrown for a loop when producers apprised the judges of the change “in the dark” at the last minute.

“This was officially the strangest show we’ve ever done,” Cowell said at the conclusion of the telecast, “but I like that. It’s kind of a bit chaotic tonight.”

Hmm.  Okay, I can understand being flustered when somebody changes up the format on you at the last minute, but come on…aren’t these people supposed to be professionals?  Don’t they have experience in television?  Aren’t there producers, directors, people to make sure hosts do what they are supposed to do?  This isn’t Paula’s first season on AI, it isn’t like she’s never done this before.  It isn’t too hard to watch and know whether or not people sing one song or two.  And she had Randy to pave the way for her, all she had to do was listen to him and imitate what he did.  Is it just me, or are there entirely too many “odd” events that happen to Paula?

Randy and Simon didn’t seem to have problems with the new format, but I guess Paula did.  Oh well, just add it to the list of Very Weird Events in the career of Paula Abdul.

K told you it was ultra not good, but here’s the video. Judge for yourself.

Britney’s VMA performance was only slightly worse, and at least her derivative drivel is a bit more inspired. Paula, no offense, but you are better behind the table than in front of it.

*ducks and runs for cover*

Huh?

It wasn’t Brit-At-The-VMA’s level, but it certainly wasn’t all that exciting.  Where was the crazazy?

You could barely hear her singing (and it isn’t my TV, I have the Surround Sound going).  I couldn’t understand any of the lyrics except “Dance like there’s no tomorrow!”  You could tell she was lip-synching (I realize she wouldn’t be singing live, but she could have faked it better).  The dancing was energetic but dull.  And I was just waiting on that microphone stand to hit her in the head.

Plus, what was dancing peepaw Randy Jackson doing?  He was totally doing the white boy dance!  Come on, dawg, put your back into it!

Can’t wait to hear what Simon has to say about it.

Two words:  Bo ring.

Okay, back to my hot wings.  At least they got some spice to them.

UPDATE:  In contrast, Alicia Keys is totally bringin’ it!

Paula Abdul hasn’t performed (unless you call her blubbering and awkward giggling on American Idol a performance) for over a decade, yet for some inexplicable reason ($$$$) the organizers of the Super Bowl have decided to offer Paula a chance to perform for the much coveted half-time show.

The same half-time show performers like Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson (remember them? boob flash anyone) Paul McCartney, and Prince have performed at in recent years. Yes, it’s a totally natural progression to go from Prince to Paula Abdul. Why not? If we can have Britney headline the VMA’s, why not have Paula ruin, er perform at the Super Bowl.

It wouldn’t be so bad if Paula were performing/lipsyncing her well-produced hits like “Straight Up,” “Forever Your Girl,” “Cold-Hearted Snake,” or “Rush Rush” for that matter. But no, just like all crazy and self-inflated artist-types, she’s going to play a new song which a. no one knows and b.) no one wants to hear, rather than a hit that would have people dancing in mutual recognition and nostalgic camaraderie.

TMZ has a clip of the new single, “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” which sounds like a watered down, less than stellar version of a Nelly Furtado song, and was produced by none other than her AI co-host/judge Randy Jackson. To add to the nepotism and Hollywood circle jerk, Ryan Seacrest played a clip of the single on his show. You can hear it here.

I do not understand why music artists refuse to play what audiences want to hear. When I go see Van Morrison I want to hear “Brown-Eyed Girl” not some obscure single he did with the Chieftains back in 1988. No offense to The Chieftains.

Excuse my ire, I’m having a little episode. Paging Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil we need you stat!

There was a time when Paula Adbul was the craziest person in Hollywood. That special time is over and her brand of pill-popping crazy has been eclipsed by the spectacularly unhinged Britney Spears.

But, hey, who couldn’t use a little palate cleanser about right now? I need something to wash out the taste of stale cigarettes, sugary Frappuccinos and Adderal from my mouth.

So, just in time for Fox’s American Idol’s new season, which premiers Jan.15 & 16, we have word our little Paula had full-scale Chernobyl-style meltdown at LAX recently. Here’s the report from the brilliant Radar Online:

Paula Abdul, the braying, oft-drunk judge of landmark cultural institution American Idol, caused quite the scene at LAX over the holidays, according to a source. Says a tipster who saw her in the Continental Airlines terminal: “She had an insane nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes. One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the next she was yelling into her cell phone in this deep, rage-filled Poltergeist voice. She kept screaming three names over and over—Michael, Sidney, and Leslie. Everyone was staring at her, but she didn’t care.”

I have to tell you something. When you bring out the “Poltergeist voice” and you aren’t talking to your kids about why there’s human feces all over their bedroom wall, then you have some REAL problems. Although my voice is a more “Excorcist voice” and has been known to cause stirrings in the bowels of Satan himself, but whatevs, get your crazy on Paula.

And if you are the Michael, Sidney and Leslie in question, you better hope your health insurance is paid up, because all that’s left at this point are the reports of your broken and mutilated bodies being found in some ditch somewhere. DO NOT MESS WITH THE CRAZIES!