I was busy doing stuff like filing my nails, picking bellybutton lint, and using my Ped Egg, but had I not been so tied up with super important body maintenance things, I would have taken the opportunity to liveblog the Golden Razzberry Awards, which would have been an exercise in futility since it doesn’t really have a ceremony to follow to start with (hey, blame the cold medicine for that nonsensical rant).

In case you didn’t know, the Razzies are announced the day before the Oscars, and there isn’t much of a ceremony; but one year Halle Berry did show up to collect her award which was pretty cool of her.  They basically showcase the Best Of The Worst, and normally I agree with their picks, but then I saw that they gave a Worst Supporting Actor Razzie to Pierce Brosnan.  WHAT!  007 himself!  It would serve them right if he chased them through the streets with a stealth tank.  That’s okay, Pierce, you’re #1 in my heart.

Other Razzie winners include Mike Meyers for The Love Guru and Paris Hilton for The Hottie And The Nottie.  There now, see?  Isn’t that more what you expect from a Razzie?  What is Pierce Brosnan doing being listed alongside those warts on the genitals of show business?  It’s bad enough that he had to film love scenes with Denise Richards, he’s suffered enough.  Paris had better not even spread her special strain of STD to Pierce just by virtue of their names being on the same list (it could happen).  I’d hate to have to roundhouse kick her, but I would.  For the good of mankind, you know.

If I were a producer and it came to the choice of either Angelina Jolie or Tom Cruise to headline my new movie, I believe I’d sit in the corner and cry and cut myself, because that’s what it’s gonna feel like when the reviews and returns start coming in.

As we reported way back in August, rumors were flying that Angelina had been tapped to replace Tom in the new spy thriller tentatively titled Edwin A. Salt, but those rumors just got legs with confirmation from the woman herself:

Asked in an interview with BBC Radio on Monday about her next film project, she said, “I’m working on a film called Salt. And it’s with [Bone Collector director] Phillip Noyce. And that’s it.”

It had first been reported in August that Jolie was in talks for the role after Cruise dropped out. Writers had reworked the lead character — a CIA officer falsely accused of being a Russian agent — to be female.

Of course, they went after Angelina because of her ability to carry a movie that doesn’t have guns and action sequences and sexy poses, but which features serious dialogue and heartfelt scenes of emotional pathos.  Oh wait, what was this movie about again?

Srsly.  Her new movie Changeling isn’t doing that hot at the box office, and Tom Cruise (who is busily promoting his new flop movie Valkyrie) hasn’t had a bona fide hit in years, possibly a decade.  Which one you gonna pick to headline a multi-million dollar movie project?

But there is an upside to this…since it appears Angelina and her quicksand-like mommy parts will be busy starting in February shooting her latest bad movie, then it would definitely seem that she won’t be available to work on Pierce Brosnan’s long-awaited Thomas Crown sequel.  Yesssss!  It is said that Pierce wants Charlize Theron to costar with him, especially since Pierce took a not-so-subtle swipe at Angelina in a recent blurb:

“Charlize Theron is someone who I’ve always admired. I think she’s someone who has acquitted herself grandly. Nothing against Angelina Jolie. I think she’s a magnificent actress. But Charlize has a poise about her and has an inner strength and femininity which I really like to watch.”

He ain’t sayin’, he’s just sayin’.

I firmly believe that almost any actress would be better to share the big screen with my beloved Pierce than Angelina (well, maybe not Denise Richards, but he’s already costarred with her and let’s face it, that automatically earns him a big honkin’ medal and a free pass never to have to work with anyone like her again).  Besides, the first time little Nancy-boy Bradley Pitt pranced onto the set with his new state trooper stache, mincing and making googly-eyes and dragging his forlorn apron strings stained with baby spitup and finger paints, Pierce would have to punch him right in the mouth.  You know, just to show that Pierce is the alpha male.  Which he is.  And then Brad would cry and bleed all over the place and Angelina would have to run over and suck it all up and shooting would be delayed and that would cost money…it’s just better for everyone if she stays far, far away.

Hmm, let me check my 2009 calendar…

Leave it to that tall glass of steaming hotness Pierce Brosnan (simmer down k, I know he’s all yours) to slap the patron saint of home-wreckers Angelina Jolie in the face. Sadly, he only did so metaphorically, because Angie so deserves a real glove slap (a gentlemanly one of course, we don’t advocate physical abuse, usually.)

Anywho, in a recent interview with People Magazine, Brosnan had this to say (via I’mNotObsessed) about his potential co-stars in the latest Thomas Crown Affair film:

“Charlize Theron is someone who I’ve always admired. I think she’s someone who has acquitted herself grandly. Nothing against Angelina Jolie. I think she’s a magnificent actress. But Charlize has a poise about her and has an inner strength and femininity which I really like to watch.”

Ok, I know what you Brangeloonies are thinking, he didn’t really insult Jolie because he said she’s a magnificent actress. But trust us, he insulted her. His compliments to Charlize were a direct kidney-punch to Angelina, who DEFINITELY considers herself the epitome of poise, inner strength and femininity. So in a subtle, yet direct way, Pierce is letting us know he doesn’t want to be tempted by her penisflytrap woman parts. Especially with the latest vulgar revelations by Angie herself, that she and her whipped little puppy, Brad Pitt fell in love while shooting their film Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Of course, not only did Angie finally reveal to the world what we already knew, she proved what a relentless liar she is, after boldly proclaiming she’d NEVER, EVER be attracted to a married man after her father cheated on her mother while they were still married.

Whatever Angie! Not everyone is up for your shenanigans and false sainthood or temptress ways. I am sure you have more than your fair share of enemies in Hollywood. What’s that old adage, don’t poop where you eat? Yeah, that.

Name:  Pierce Brendan Brosnan
Birthdate:  May 16, 1953
Breakout Role:  Titular role, Remington Steele

It’s no big secret that I am a huge Pierce Brosnan fan from way back in the 1980’s, when I first saw the opening credits for a little show called Remington Steele, so indulge me for a bit.  As a dorky teenager, I fell for the twinkling blue eyes and mysterious smile and never looked back.  I can remember sitting in my mom’s tacky little living room, watching on a console television that still had a dial and rabbit ears encased in aluminum foil, and thinking, “This man is going to be a star.”  (I was smart, even back then.)

He not only was the best Bond (imo), but he’s a general all-around great guy, committed to his causes and still making great movies.  The fact that he’s Irish (he became an American citizen in 2004) doesn’t hurt matters any (considering my own heritage is part Irish, part Scot).  And today, I found out he is the new face of L’Oreal Men Expert line of skincare.  Hey, whatever keeps those Irish eyes a-smilin’ is fine with me.

I just bought The Thomas Crown Affair, and I own all the Bonds, so I may have to have a Brosnan movie night tonight…

Trivia:

• He had problems with the line “If you’re Q, does that make him R?” in The World Is Not Enough, because his Irish accent got in the way of proper pronunciation (he says it “Ahrh”).
• In the movie Tomorrow Never Dies, a stuntman got a bit too into the scene and hit Pierce in the mouth with his helmet, causing him to have to receive emergency stitches (but finished the scene!).  In the scene where he’s driving and answers the call from Elliot Carver, you can just see the stitches before he answers his mobile.  He now has a scar just above his lip, and it is referenced in the opening scenes of Die Another Day.
• Also in the opening scenes of Die Another Day, Pierce blew out his meniscus when he jumped on that last hovercraft.  You can see him slip.  Ow!

Favorite movie lines:

Xenia Onatopp:  Nice to meet you, Mr. Bond.
Bond:  The pleasure, I’m sure, was all mine.  (Goldeneye)

Q:  Here’s your cell phone.  Talk here, listen here.
Bond:  So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years?  (Tomorrow Never Dies)

Bond [strolling into a hotel in Hong Kong dripping wet in nothing but a pair of pajamas]:  My usual suite, please.  (Die Another Day)

If you remember, several weeks ago Pierce Brosnan suckerpunched a photographer who wouldn’t take no for an answer and who kept bugging the actor and his children.  At the time, it was said that the police were looking into the incident.  Well they looked, and they found insufficient evidence to charge the actor with anything:

After a complete review of the investigation done by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department…there is insufficient evidence to prove this case to a jury beyond a reasonable doubt.

Apparently, when the photographer wouldn’t stop talking to and photographing the kids, Pierce got a little irate and began swearing at the man.  When the guy still wouldn’t take a hint, there were punches thrown, complete with Pierce getting tagged right in the martini shaker.

You know, if some guy that I didn’t know, carrying a big camera, came up and started talking to my kids, I think there’s be punches thrown too if he didn’t take a hint and scram.  Not advocating violence against anyone, but if someone is going to cross that line they’d better be prepared to deal with some sort of consequences, whatever they may be.

Having said that…Pierce, I’m talking to you.  You’ve long been one of my favorite actors, going all the way back to Remington Steele.  I’ve followed your career from the beginning.  I think you’re a complete dilf.  I know you don’t like paps, and they can be the lowest form of scum on earth.  And no, this moron shouldn’t have been talking to the kids.  But next time, you might not be so lucky.  You’re better than this.  Just be cool and walk away.

And btw, you know how to get in touch with me, right?

 

Now this makes me sad.  I’ve been a huge Pierce Brosnan fan for years, going all the way back to Remington Steele…and let’s face it, he’s still got it.  He can drive my Aston-Martin any time.  Total dilf.  But according to TMZ, apparently there was an altercation between Pierce and a paparazzi attempting to get some photos, and now Pierce is under investigation:

The incident allegedly occurred outside Casa Escobar last Friday in a Malibu mall about 6:15 PM. We’re told Brosnan allegedly committed a battery on Robert Rosen, a photographer.

According to Rosen, Pierce was there with his kids, when Rosen began snapping photos (see below). Rosen says Pierce then said, “Why don’t you get a real f**king job.” Rosen says he then started complimenting Pierce on his Bond roles.

A short time later, an enraged Pierce allegedly told the photog, “Why don’t you f**k off, mate,” and then struck him in the ribs. A witness says the pap instinctively reacted by kicking Pierce — we’re told, in the stomach.

Oh sigh.

Pierce, man…pull it together.  This isn’t a James Bond movie (and why did they drop him, anyway?  A blonde Bond?  Since when?  Okay, back on the subject), where you can beat people up while wearing your impeccable tux and then be swept away by a helicopter with great timing, with no repercussions.  I know the paps can be irritating, condescending, fawning, intruding, and fake in their effluvious praise, but seriously.  This is no way to handle it.  And especially with your kids around…come on, man, have some class.  Your kids don’t need to see this, and neither do other people’s kids.

Getting kicked in the stomach is no small matter, but then neither is getting punched in the ribs.  Pierce may have to answer for his pugilistic ways, as the whole thing is being investigated by the LA Sheriff’s department and is going to be turned over to the DA for review.  Of course, if this goes the way of recent celeb encounters with the paps (i.e., Orlando Bloom), this might be the last we hear of it.

I hope this is exaggerated, but Pierce really doesn’t like paps, so it might not be.

UPDATE:  OK! is reporting that the photog hit Pierce right in the martini shaker.  Ouch.

UPDATE #2:  The Daily Mail is reporting that the photog’s name is Barry Rosen, not Robert Rosen.