The red zone, that is. Yesterday Britney Spears not only had to call in the police to help her navigate through the paparazzi swarm, but she also had to deal with them giving her a ticket for illegal parking. After shopping at the Levi’s store for about a half hour, Brit came out to her usual pap scrum, but the bodyguard was having none of her usual dithering and posing…he took her by the hand and basically dragged her through the crowd to her car. Unlike some sites, I don’t think he was too rough…sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

In all fairness, though, I don’t know who was driving, Brit or the bodyguard, so I’m unsure who’s at fault for the parking thing.

In other Brit news, the motion to make her case Federal is much ado about nothing:

However, a judge ruled that Mr Eardley had no right to move the case in a ruling that means the signer is still not allowed to run her own life or have custody of her children Sean Preston, two, and Jayden James, 17 months.

District Judge Philip Gutierrez wrote in a report: “Mr Eardley had no authority to remove the case from state court. He is neither a party nor a defendant.”

In a written declaration, Eardley said he was hired by Britney Spears on February 12, and had spoken to her on several occasions.

The last time they talked, Eardley said the phone was taken from her and the number was disconnected.

But Spears was already under her father’s conservatorship at the time and the California court had already appointed her an attorney.

Gutierrez ruled Britney Spears had no authority to hire Eardley.

Yes. Like I’ve said before, that’s one of the points of a conservatorship…you are not in a position to make your own decisions, for whatever reasons, and someone else has to make them for you until you are. Britney can’t hire anybody. She is just going to have to make the best of things for a while…and it looks like whatever daddy is doing is working, since she has had two visitations with her kids now.

Hopefully, once her medications are all correct, she’ll realize that this really is for the best right now and let things continue as they are. It isn’t permanent, so she just needs to settle down and take a step back and realize it’ll all work out if she just quits fighting it.

Oh, btw…Osmarmy? Yeah, that Federal thing? FAIL.

PWNED!

YES!  I want to marry this man and have his children.

LAPD Chief William Bratton thinks the new so-called Britney’s Law proposed by councilman Dennis Zine is a bucket of hooey, points out that there are already laws in place to deal with overzealous paparazzi, and thinks she and her celebutard friends should, oh, I don’t know, STAY HOME:

What we need is Britney Spears to stay home instead of traipsing all over town. That would solve the problem. We don’t need additional laws…. I’ve got laws coming out my ears to deal with this issue.

What you have is several young women in this town and several young men basically making fools of themselves and tying up not only my resources but the resources of the media that would do better covering legitimate stories instead of a bunch of airheads running around out there….

Quite clearly some of these characters so favored by the paparazzi are clearly in need of services. Not police services, but psychiatric services.

It’s pure genius.  I can’t possibly add anything to it.  So simple, so pure, so fully packed.

Give this man a Breath Of Fresh Air Award, and while I’m at it…

PWNED!

 

Apparently the move to try and get Brit’s conservatorship case moved to Federal Court is, in a word, pwned:

A Federal judge in the Britney conservatorship case has issued a tentative ruling that the move to make a federal case out of it is ridiculous.

Judge Philip Gutierrez set a deadline of February 29 for Britney’s so-called lawyer, Jon Eardley, to explain why on Earth the federal court has any business getting involved in Britney’s mental affairs.

The court said it sure seems the Feds have no jurisdiction to interfere, and unless Eardley can convince the judge to the contrary, the case will go back to State court on Feb 29.

I’m not going to lie…I’m not a lawyer nor am I conversant in lawyerese, and the court papers associated with this case are pretty confusing to me, but even I can understand the first sentence in the introduction to this document:

In a brazen–but vain–attempt to strip a probate court of jurisdiction before it could enter Orders extending the temporary conservatorship of Britney Jean Spears (”Britney”), an attorney without a client has purported to remove the conservatorship proceedings (the “Conservatorship Proceedings”) to this Court based upon federal question jurisdiction that does not exist.

I love it.  “…brazen but vain…”  “…an attorney without a client…”  Still waiting to see the Osmarmy bin Loopy connection come out, though.  She can’t hire an attorney under the terms of the conservatorship, so somebody else did.

I think my work here is done.

PWNED!

That’s because everyone’s favorite nottie, Paris Hilton, has been banned from the Oscars.

Yep, you read it correctly…Paris has been given the old heave-ho by Academy Awards organizers and told that she’s not wanted there…mainly because her latest film The Hottie and the Nottie totally tanked at the box office, bringing in about $25,000 (or $225 per theater showing it).  I mean, how far down on the level of bad do you have to descend to be completely and utterly snubbed by the very people who are as close to your peers as you’ll ever have?

The Daily Star said it best, I can’t possibly put it any better than this, and I’m not even going to try:

Paris Hilton’s fairy godmother has furnished her with a £2million [$3.9M USD] outfit for the Oscars.

But the wonky-eyed Cinderella won’t be going to the ball.

The blonde irritant, 27, has been leaking her eyes all over ugly sister Nicky, 24, after being refused a chance to get her publicity fix at the swish ceremony next Sunday.

Ever the presumptuous and stingy carbuncle, Paris blagged a bum-clenchingly expensive dress and diam-onds from designer Kira Plastinina.

But her latest movie The Hottie And The Nottie has been voted the worst in history by users of film bible IMDB. So organisers of the ceremony have pointed out that giving her an invite would be like sending Jim Davidson a VIP ticket to a Gay Pride party.

Our man in the pumpkin said: “She cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars.

“She’s desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with the film bods.”

Unfortunately, Paris’s greatest screen glory was in night-vision in her infamous 2004 grumble flick 1 Night In Paris which she made with her equally wooden ex Rick Salomon, 40. Rather gallingly for Paris, she actually had to do real work to promote her latest offering to the silver screen, which sees her push the boundaries of character acting as the “Hottie”.

A gossiping mouse squeaked: “She’s tempted to go to the parties afterwards, but might wear her trademark brunette wig to save her dignity.”

So if any Prince Charmings find a glass slipper by Chateau Marmont sniff the OdorEater for traces of Paris.

PWNED!