Well, not sure if everyone in America wants to be a Pepper, but Dr Pepper sure wants to see Axl Rose release the long-awaited (and awaited and awaited) “Chinese Democracy” this year…so much so that the soft drink giant is offering a free can of Dr Pepper to every man, woman, and child in America (excluding Slash and Buckethead) if Axl releases his album in 2008:

Many have tried, but so far nobody has been able to pry the decade-in-the-works Guns N’ Roses album “Chinese Democracy” from the hands of lone remaining original member Axl Rose.

Now, Dr Pepper thinks it’s up to the challenge. The soft drink company says it will give a free can of Dr Pepper to “everyone in America” (excluding ex-Guns members Slash and Buckethead) if “Chinese Democracy” arrives anytime during the calendar year 2008. […]

“Chinese Democracy” was most recently scheduled for release in March 2007, but promptly vanished from the schedule without a new date being set. Rose said at the time that all the recording had been completed, but there were some “scheduling difficulties.”

It will be the first album of fresh Guns N’ Roses material since the 1991 sets “Use Your Illusion I” and “Use Your Illusion II.” Rose has reportedly burned through $13 million in recording expenses for “Chinese Democracy,” and also burned his bridges with the bandmates who helped him turn Guns into one of the biggest rock groups in the world by the early 1990s.

Now there’s motivation if I ever saw it!

Axl, for his part, doesn’t seem to be as thirsty as other people are:

We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr Pepper with our album “Chinese Democracy,” as for us, this came totally out of the blue. If there is any involvement with this promotion by our record company or others, we are unaware of such at this time. And as some of Buckethead’s performances are on our album, I’ll share my Dr Pepper with him.

Could somebody please fetch the diva a manicurist, I think he has a hangnail and it’s making him a cranky-pants.

Here’s a thought…why not just have Axl buy us all a Dr Pepper and skip the album release altogether.  It isn’t like G&R are, oh, what’s the word I’m looking for…relevant? Did it suddenly become 1987 again when I wasn’t looking? I stopped caring about G&R (outside of “Sweet Child o’ Mine”) about the time I stopped bleaching my hair like Cyndi Lauper’s. (don’t ask)

Besides, it looks like Miss Thang has been spending a little too much time with Mr. Plastic Surgeon and Miss Hair Oh-No-You-Dinnt. I mean, look at the guy. What happened?

Scuze me. I need to step out to the corner mart for a moment.

I drink Dr Pepper, don’t you know
It’s the original taste that I love so
And the taste is making Peppers
Everywhere I go…

I’m a Pepper
He’s a Pepper
She’s a Pepper
We’re a Pepper
Wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper, too?

Be a Pepper, drink Dr Pepper…

Yet another year has gone by and tonight we prepare for the next class of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees, and as usual, it sucks huge donkey testicles.

I blame Jann Wenner, the simpering queen and publisher at Rolling Stone for his constant need to pass up the greats so he can cater to his friends and special interests of the marginally talented. Lest you think I am being too harsh, take a look at this year’s artists, compared to who has NOT been inducted yet.

2008 Performer Inductees

* John Mellencamp
* Leonard Cohen
* Madonna
* The Dave Clark Five
* The Ventures

With the exception of Leonard Cohen, who is an amazing singer/songwriter and likely should have been in YEARS ago, this is a list of *ehhh*, who cares. Sure, Madonna is a master of marketing and mimicry, and John Cougar Mellencamp has some great songs, but the Dave Clark Five? Give me a friggin’ break.

Ok, here’s a list of groups who’ve been completely ignored for years (and mind you, this is a tad heavy on the 80’s New Wave, but STILL…)

Roxy Music - It is a crime against humanity that Bryan Ferry and Roxy Music have been ignored for years, YEARS I tell you. I mean if we aren’t going to judge on artistic integrity, creative genius, and sheer longevity, then what’s the point. Roxy Music is one of the most seminal art-rock bands who crossed over into popular music that ever existed. Period, the end. Case closed. Jann sucks.

The Cure - What the F*CK excuse does the RH committee have for not including the Cure in the Rock Hall? The Cure were as influential to rock as REM, U2 and the Clash, three bands from the same era who are in, yet somehow they keep getting overlooked. I would like to punch Wenner in the ballsack for this oversight.

Rush - I don’t even particularly even LIKE Rush, but still, come on. Progressive rock wouldn’t be the same without them. In fact, there are no prog rock bands in the Rock Hall. No Emerson, Lake and Palmer, no Yes, no Moody Blues, nothing. Why? Because Jann Wenner sucks big hairy ones, as do all the toady lickspittles who kiss his ass. BTW, Jann Wenner likes Scientologists. A lot. He might even be one.

But wait, there’s more glaring omissions: Duran Duran, Joy Division/New Order, Depeche Mode, B-52’s, Tears For Fears - the list goes on as far as the New Wave/Electronic/Punk set goes. What about Cyndi Lauper even? These bands and artists were not only immensely popular, and most still are, but they had tons of hits and sold massive amounts of records.

I will be at the Rock Hall tonight helping the publisher of Blogcritics.org, Eric Olsen, to cover the event for Cleveland.com. I will also be thinking evil thoughts about Jann Wenner, the sucktacularness of Rolling Stone, and his crappy taste in music.

Feel free to list bands who YOU think have been overlooked because the Rock Hall is run by a bunch of corrupt, scruffy-looking nerfherders.

Despite the beard, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers totally rocked the Super Bowl performance.  In general, since the horrible fiasco that passed as a Halftime Show a few years past (who can ever forget Janet Jackson’s nipple, who can ever forgive Kid Rock’s using the American Flag as a poncho), the performances have gotten away from flash (as much as a rock-n-roll band on a neon-lit guitar-pierced-heart-shaped stage at the Super Bowl can) and back to genuine musicality.  And I loved the guitar and heart at the beginning!

Let’s face it, only Tom Petty can get away with “Free Fallin’” at the Super Bowl…after all, as cool as the song is, it’s basically a mid-tempo ballad with a basic 4/4 drum beat, despite the soaring chorus and cool riffs.  He pulls it off not only on the superior strength of the song, but simply on plain supercoolness.  Let’s see Bob Rock do that!

Other Petty standards–opener “American Girl” and second song “Won’t Back Down”–held up fabulously, and closer “Runnin’ Down A Dream” is rockin’ at its best.  My foot was pounding an imaginary bass drum throughout the whole performance.  You could watch this one with your meemaw and not be embarrassed…nary a nipple slip in sight.  Yet, for all the safe clothing, it’s plain that Petty and his band still have what it takes to rock the house down.

Hey, hey, Paula…are you paying attention?  This is how it’s done.  He totally brought it, and Tom is almost twelve years older than you are.  Take notes…substance over superficiality.

DISCLAIMER:  My choice of words reflects my own views and opinions of Mr. Petty’s beard upon Mr. Petty’s face, and do not necessarily reflect the views of this site.  I mention this because there are some who have taken umbrage with my choice of words to open this article:  “Despite the beard…”

I would like to make it clear that I have no problem with beards of any size, shape, color, or nationality.  Some of the closest friends I have are beards.  My own father owns a beard and enjoys it very much. 

I apologize to any beards whom I might have offended with my choice of words, and rest assured that I do in no way discriminate against anyone who has grown any sort of beard (including, but not limited to, goatees, Van Dykes, soul patches, and full ZZTop-length facial hair).

However, I cannot change the wording now, as it has already been picked up by Google News in its original form.  In the future, I will attempt to be more beard-friendly in my postings, and have scheduled a class on Facial Hair Sensitivity to help me further my personal education on all things follicular.

Glosslip Radio is very psyched to have up and coming actor/musician Jeff D’Agostino as our guest for Sunday’s show.

You may know Jeff from his roles on such TV hits as “Veronica Mars,” “Weeds,” “CSI” and “CSI:Miami,” “Malcolm In The Middle,” Disney’s “Phil of the Future,” and “Judging Amy,” just to name a few. Jeff can also be seen in the film The Sasquatch Gang, also starring Justin Long (Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard, The Mac guy and Drew Barrymore’s boyfriend) from the creators of the hugely popular Napoleon Dynamite.

Aside from Jeff’s growing list of acting gigs, he’s also pursuing a successful career as lead singer and guitarist of the rock group, The Perfect Victim.

If you want to find out more about Jeff and his band, go to Jeff’s myspace page, and the band’s myspace page. Be sure to check out his Flying Squirrel story, video short clips and his eclectic influences - Jeff is not your typical Hollywood wild child, and has taken great pains to made good choices as he navigates the usual trappings and pitfalls in the land of Lala.

Jeff’s been compared to fellow actor/musician Jared Leto, not only for his good looks, but also for his dual roles in the entertainment business. After getting the chance to speak to Jeff all-too-briefly, it was immediately apparent this is a tremendously down-to-earth person, funny, insightful and wise beyond his years, despite his age (he’s only 23)!!

Please join k and I as we talk to Jeff about his projects, his music and his future this SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 10:00pm EST on www.blogtalkradio.com/Glosslip.

Click here to listen to the show. Show call in number: (646)478-0139. The chatroom will be open and you can participate with us in the interview, ask Jeff questions, or just hang out and listen.

Kevin Dubrow, lead singer of 80’s metal band Quiet Riot, died of an accidental cocaine overdose according to toxicology reports from his autopsy. This is tragic news, but hardly a shock.

I got a rash of abuse over my post which implied famous people always died of “mysterious” causes when it typically (though NOT always) stems from some sort of nefarious reason. Of course the point of my post was to make reference to how PR people and entertainment execs try to spin every death into something innocent, when 9 times out of 10, it’s NOT something innocent. Kevin Dubrow was one of the stories I mentioned in that post. It was not to diminish the sadness or loss of the individuals who died. But you can’t help what people choose to think.

Still no word on the other two subjects of that “scandalous” post, but at least one proved to be EXACTLY what I thought: a drug overdose. Color me surprised.

It just goes to show that, for once, pretty pretty shiny shiny loses out to style and substance.  Yessssssssss!

Britney Spears, who’s latest CD “Blackout” is on sale at major retailers and music stores everywhere, has been beaten to #1 in the Billboard Top 100 by the Eagles, who’s current double CD “Long Road Out Of Eden” is available only at Wal-Mart.  Yes, that’s right…by confining their CD sales exclusively to one retailer and their website, the Eagles, who’s CD features their first original work in twenty-eight years, have whupped up on Brit, who’s album has to settle for #2 on both the Billboard charts and Nielson Soundscan.

The change comes about because Billboard has decided to allow sales numbers from music sold only at one retailer instead of mass market.  Wal-Mart shared their data with Billboard, and a star is born:

Early SoundScan numbers have the Eagles taking the top perch on The Billboard 200 with 711,000 copies sold, with most sales moved by Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club stores. For now, the only other U.S. outlets carrying “Eden” are walmart.com, where both physical copies and downloads are sold, and the Eagles’ own Web site.

“Eden” became available at the mass-market chain Oct. 30. Aside from two compilations, this is the Eagles’ first album since the mostly live “Hell Freezes Over,” which led The Billboard 200 for two weeks in 1994.

Britney Spears’ new Jive album, “Blackout,” which would have been No. 1 had the Eagles’ data not been reported, will open at No. 2 with first-week sales of 290,000 copies.

All that work Britney’s music team put into producing, mixing, tweaking, and dragging her Frapp behind into the studio, all the time and money thrown at it, all the electronic twiddling and computerized machinations, were not enough to secure the top spot for Brit.  Turns out a bunch of old guys, who’s band has been around since before Brit was born, who have arguably put out some of the best music ever heard, and who (gasp) actually play their own instruments and sing without the aid of computers, beat her…and beat her by a considerable margin.  By my calculations, they sold 421,000 more copies in the first week…and that’s nothing to sneeze at.

I can tell you why…the Eagles may not dance and writhe around (and let’s face it…who wants to see Don Henley or Glenn Frey flailing about in a spangly bra and hot pants?), but they sing live in concert, they play their own instruments, they have mad songwriting skills, and about a gazillion multi-platinum albums (Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975 went platinum twenty-nine times!).  Genuine musicality and unparallelled singing wins over a circus freak show…whodathunkit?

Welcome to the Hotel TheyStillGotItfornia!

It would seem that Amy Winehouse’s European tour has hit a rough spot.  After a few successful concert dates in Europe, the beehive hit Zurich, and Zurich has hit back.  I had to translate the site (don’t be too impressed, I used Google), but even in strange translator jargon you can tell that the concert totally sucked, in any language.  (the above photo is not from the tour)

The review had what I assume are nice things to say about her voice:

And a man sings. So nice that he has almost no man can be. The voice of this powerful, unusually black soul voice that seems to be the only institution in the system to Amy Wine House, which still rely on. A body with a life of its own. Drum around a living corpse.

But they had what I think is a very colorful description of how Amy presented herself onstage, and in this I think the English translation sums it up:

And then they arrived, the little person with a big hairdo, is because in a long white Strickpulli, plucks it around, shivering, wipes always with the back of the hand over the nose, drink, drink, drink, it looks alternately like wine and Gin Tonic, weeps incessantly that her facial make-over runs, scrapes, yawns, sits down to the stage, that microphone out repeatedly running away. From the twisted mind of the famous black bars, we usually see only the white. A man toils. This is in large Art-Deco-Lettern her name on a mitternachtsblauen Rüschenvorhang. To the girl at least knows his name yet.

(btw, “man” here seems to be referring to Amy herself, in the “mankind” sense of the word.)

Crying, snotting, drinking, makeup running, yawning, sitting.  Yeah, sounds like the kind of event I want to shell out big bucks for.  They also say that:

Amy wants to leave, which is away from the first sound clear. Yet seldom has a man so genuine disgust in front of the audience and a so-total ignorance of everything except the drink in his hand experiences.

Britain’s answer to Janis Joplin and Mama Cass is ruining her life.  She admits she has a problem, but thus far refuses to do anything about it.  I sincerely hope she can get some help (and dump that husband…she’s to blame for her problems, but he sure doesn’t help) before it is too late.

Did anyone else think of this song when Brit cussed these lines at a reporter today:  “Eat it, lick it, snort it, f**k it!”  Seriously, her little fit of temper fits perfectly.  And she may not have actually said it in this tempo, but in my head she did, and after all, that’s what matters.

Here’s what came to my mind…make up your own post, it isn’t hard to find the lyrics that fit Brit’s life:

But wait, there’s more…