After almost a year, comedian Eddie Murphy has still not seen his newest offspring:

[Lawyer Gloria] Allred didn’t comment on the Enquirer’s report that a source close to Eddie claims he and Mel only slept with each other three times during their relationship, or that she told him she was on birth control. However, the powerhouse attorney exclusively told us that regardless of the couple’s past, “I think it’s sad and inexcusable that Mr. Murphy chooses to punish his baby by refusing to visit her or be involved emotionally or in person in her life. It’s shocking that he continues to refuse to be involved with his daughter and that he has intentionally missed the precious first year of her innocent life.”

Oh ugh.  Gloria Allred.  I really can’t stand that woman.  Can she shut up now?  No, it isn’t sad, it’s probably the best thing for that little girl.

A few months ago, Mel B was apparently fighting depression because of Eddie’s refusal to visit his daughter:

Spice Girl Melanie Brown is battling depression because ex-boyfriend Eddie Murphy is refusing to visit their daughter, Angel.

Scary Spice’s lawyer Gloria Allred reveals the singer is desperate for 6-month-old Angel to have a father figure in her life — but the actor reportedly wants to play no part in her upbringing.

It would seem the plan from Eddie’s point of view is to wait until the baby is older and see her then, although that is a convenient way of putting it off indefinitely:

Although Eddie accepts that Angel is his daughter, he has said that he won’t see the little girl, because he doesn’t want to set eyes on Mel.

A source said: “He says he will have to wait until Angel is older before he can get to know her without any interference from her mother.”

Secrets behind the couple’s doomed three-month fling have been revealed in legal papers in which Eddie, 46, states that Mel allegedly asked him for a $9million (£4.5million) house, plus living expenses for 18 years in exchange for her silence while she was pregnant.

But Eddie baulked at the demands and it is claimed he has since refused to see the baby and the Spice Girl.

You know…Mel B needs to just realize that Donkey has absolutely no interest in anything other than himself.  He is not going to be visiting his daughter any time soon, if ever, and the sooner she can come to terms with that the better off both she and her daughter will be.

Eddie doesn’t seem like the sort of role model one would want for one’s daughter, but then again maybe that thought should have occurred to Scary Spice before they did the nasty.  Eddie, for his part, has always claimed that Mel tricked him into getting her pregnant.  But the last time I checked, we are responsible for ourselves, and there’s no reason for Eddie not to have taken birth control matters into his own, um, hands.

Of course, we do have to take into account that the blood was not flowing to his brain, so he obviously wasn’t thinking straight.  Wait…does that explain his whole personality?

However, Mel isn’t exempt from her share of the blame here.  We obviously don’t know the details of the birth control situation (and it all boils down to he-said/she-said anyway), but the last time I checked it takes two to tango, and if there were any questions about it then the answer to sex would have had to be a no.  Plus, if she did indeed try to take him to the cleaners over this, and if she did purposefully get pregnant just to take his money (how last century), then she needs her own reality check, and I ain’t talking about one you get from a TV show.  I’m not so sure she did the latter, but I don’t have much of a problem believing the former.

So basically, you’ve got two people who don’t seem to have their priorities straight, fighting about a baby.  If I were Angel, I’d ask Gloria to get me a new set of parents altogether, these two are malfunctioning.

Mel, a little advice.  It is better to have no father in your child’s life than a bad one.  A reluctant and hostile father, angry at the mother, can be one of the worst influences on a child that there can be.  Find a good father figure for your daughter (um, hello, perhaps your husband…if you thought enough about him to marry him, then you should believe is is good father material, right?), let him take over that role, and move on with your life.  It would be the best thing you could ever do for her.

There are allegations surfacing that Spice Girl Mel B (aka Scary Spice, Eddie Murphy’s baby-momma) is a neglectful cheapskate. According to a story in the New York Daily News, a former housekeeper for the scariest of spices has a not-to-nice tale to tell about her famous employer.

Tonia Lamere told Star magazine her sad tale of how she went from being a housekeeper to a nanny when Scary went off to Vegas to elope with her new husband Stephen Belafonte:

“One evening of baby-sitting turned into four days!” Lamere tells Star magazine. “The child was sick, there was no nanny, and when Mel called, she never even asked about the baby.”

Lamere also claims she was forced to buy food for two-month old baby Iris, and her older half-sister, Phoenix Chi, 8, out of her own pocket during the four days Brown was away.

Of course, Mel B.’s rep had a very different take on things and has issued this statement on behalf of his client:

“Melanie is a hands-on mother completely dedicated to the upbringing of her children and the well-being of her entire family,” she told us yesterday. “Any fictitious accusations to the contrary stem from greedy people looking to make a buck.”

Well, that clears things up, doesn’t. Except you will notice that the rep’s double-speak in no way refuted the specifics of the accusations, merely that they were “contrary” to Mel B.’s otherwise “dedicated hands-on parenting.”

Why famous people have kids is beyond me. From what I’ve seen, most are used for photo-ops, publicity stunts, bargaining chips and tools of torment. Being a kid of a famous person sounds really great. And by great I mean sucks infected donkey balls.

It seems that Scary Spice, who’s been seen heavily with child lately in LA, gave birth to her second child in Santa Monica earlier this morning. Melanie’s spokeperson said this about the birth:

“The baby is completely healthy with a good head of hair. Mother and baby are now resting. No name has been decided on as yet, and she is purely known as Baby Brown.”

Melanie has stated that she was dating Eddie Murphy at the time of her impregnation and claims he is the father of her newborn child, but Murphy has denied the paternity claim, stating, “I don’t know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test.”

Murphy is now dating actress Tracy Edmonds, ex-wife of famed R&B producer and artist Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds. He is also known for enjoying the company of cross-dressing male prostitutes. But hell, who doesn’t?

I hope Melanie drives Eddie over the edge and takes every last damn cent he owns. Eddie’s become a pure cartoon of his former self and acts like a complete a-hole.

Poor pregnant Scary Spice, she is poignantly illustrating that not all women look good pregnant. 

Not me man, I was a goddess when pregnant.  People sometimes confused me with a Botticelli painting.  And one man thought I was Venus and was struck blind. 

Or that’s what I choose to believe anyway.

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