Pamela “ma boobs are bigger than ma brain” Anderson is pregnant. I have no clue who the dad is, but it’s anyone’s guess at this point. According to TMZ, she’s not only pregnant, but is also going ahead with her divorce from third husband Rick Salomon. The couple were married in October and after 68 days of marriage Pam filed for divorce, only to retract her filing a couple days later stating she and Rick were “trying to work things out.”

Whatever, that poor kid is doomed, between Pammy’s hep C and Rick Salomon’s herpes the poor little baby doesn’t have a chance. Let’s pray for a miracle.

More importantly, didn’t Pam claim she was pregnant while married to Kid Rock and use this information to make him fly to Canada when she was filming that lame movie with Denise Richards, only to then lie and say she had a miscarriage/wasn’t pregnant to begin with or some such sh*t?

These people are such attention whores. And regular whores for that matter. How much you want to bet she isn’t even pregnant? Like a conception could possibly take place in a toxic waste dump!

Pam is one classy broad.

I don’t know who this Shauna Sands person is, but I saw this grim picture of a *mom* with her daughters out in public dressed like a hooker.

I have kids, I know it’s shocking, and I can tell you my oldest (and youngest for that matter) would NEVER let me out of the house dressed like a cheap prostitute. Both are under eight years of age and even in their youthful immaturity they would be able to recognize an absolutely embarrassing ensemble like this Shauna Sands person is wearing.

TMZ says she’s a Playgirl model. Is that a euphemism for “whore,” ‘cuz if it is, that’s a new one to me.

Gawd woman, dress like a decent human being when you are out with your kids. What kind of lecherous old pervs are you hoping to attract? Those shoes scream “I dance on tabletops for a living and let sweaty, lonely men put dollars in my panties.”

*rolls eyes*

I realize that Paris probably thinks she looks sexy in this Alice and Wonderland get-up, but if you look again, you can see Marilyn Manson trying to claw his way out of her diseased body. Come to think of it, those two would make a great couple: the Prince of Darkness and the Heiress of Whoreville.

More of Paris being an ass after the jump. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
But wait, there’s more…

I’m not even going to bother writing a post for this.  The clip speaks for itself.

Now, if you don’t mind, after watching this I have an appointment to get a shot.  I don’t know what kind, but it is the sort that should remove any sort of infectious disease I may have contracted from watching this clip.  And I also need a shower.  An hour-long, steaming hot shower, and I’m going to scrub with steel wool and Barkeeper’s Friend until my skin bleeds.  And then I’m going to rub antibacterial gel all over myself.  Yes, friends, after watching this I do feel just that dirty.

If I have any energy left, I may gouge out my eyes, because I never want to see this again.

You’ve been warned.

In today’s edition of Sweet Hollywood High, or as I like to call Skanky Whore High, Paris Hilton was the victim of teen torture #101: the prank phone call. In this case, what would be the cyber equivalent of having her number written on the boy’s bathroom wall, Paris’ private number was broadcast around the web when former Dancing With The Stars‘ Shanna Moakler posted the private information of both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan on her Myspace page.

The end result was a barrage of prank calls flooding Paris’ cellphone. The good news is, ten strangers now know Paris in an intimate way, which if you think about it, is just a normal Friday night for the heiress. Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t ten, but I bet at least one of the prankers got a date with the heiress. She’s not terribly picky.

And why haven’t we heard from Lindsay Lohan about this incident? She’s too busy returning calls left in her voice mail. Yes, only she’s arrogant and stupid enough to believe that she has 10,000 friends who want to talk to her.

Moakler has defended her decision to post this information as part of her one-woman campaign to keep these home-wrecking hos away from her irresistible man, Travis Barker,  and her family.

But really, her decision is secondary to the fact that for a brief moment in time, the entire world possessed something only a stadium full of STD-infested crackheads possessed. And that’s what I like to call empowerment.

And sweet, sweet Karma!

 

There are many times when I am sure we are at the end of days. 

Like when Britney declared she was the Anti-Christ, or when Angelina Jolie became a saint, and when a song of Avril Lavigne’s hit #5 on the Billboard Hot 100.  These are things that humanity, in a decent and acceptable world, should not have to face. 

But alas, even these aforementioned societal crises are nothing compared to this news:  Babyshamble’s leadsinger and the world’s-most famous-crackhead Pete Doherty, and his toothead and guttermouthed-former-supermodel-girlfriend Kate Moss, are considering throwing their hat into the baby-making ring.

The prolific Starpulse is reporting that Petey’s uncle Phil Michels has the low-down on the couple’s plans to populate the earth:

“Pete and Kate are so in love - they’re talking about starting a family together. Pete is already a doting stepfather to (Moss’ daughter) Lila Grace, and loves spending time with her. They’re setting up home together at the moment, and once that’s sorted they’ll have a massive showbiz wedding.”

Pete, who’s already a father (who knew) has a son named Astile with his former girlfriend Lisa Moorish. And the fact that I didn’t even know he had a son says it all right there about what kind of dad he will make.

So there you have it. If you’ve been putting off buying that life insurance policy or taking that once-in-a-life-time vacation, wait no more.  Because I assure that if there were a G*d who cared about this world, it has abandoned us out of complete disgust – and we are on our own.

Avril Lavigne isn’t fooling anyone with her half-hearted attempt to take potshots a Britney Spears. 

Avril, barely a footnote in the pop music annals, has recently been using Britney Spears’ rehab troubles to make a name for herself and her flagging record sales (her new single “Girlfriend” can’t even be found on the Billboard charts).  In an interview for Sun (UK) Magazine, Avril had these nasty things to say about fellow pop-singer and hugely popular celebrity Britney Spears:

“What’s happened to Britney is all down to who she is as a person. If you want a piece of this business, you have to be able to deal with it. You can’t complain about the pressures, the paparazzi, the madness, because that’s the job.”

That’s a rich piece of tapestry coming from a young lass who was recently dealt a PR blow by spitting in the face of photographers and signing “F*ck You” to autograph-seeking fans.  Avril was later forced to give a half-assed apology - ostensibly to her fans - for the spitting, as it became evident that no one was buying her “tough chick” angst anymore.  Even more ironic, she had the nerve to imply that Britney couldn’t handle her liquor, unlike Avril who states that while she also drinks “no one really gets to know” [about it] - ‘cuz you know, Avril’s so damn discreet.
But wait, there’s more…

This is possibly the sweetest thing on earth. 

Well, it would be if Pete Doherty weren’t such a crackheaded sod and Kate Moss wasn’t a coked-out whore with a mouth as filthy as a greasy pork-sandwich served on a dirty ashtray.  Seriously, I wonder if I can get that song on iTunes.  It’s a hot mess of schweetness.  Pete’s really quite tuneful and talented when his head’s not all rammed all up in his behind.  Wasted talent!

According to a press release, MySpace star Tila Tequila is in the development process of a pilot for a series on VH1. Tequila, best known for having more MySpace friends than any other human being in the universe, has made a name for herself as being a little bit raunchy and little bit rock n’ roll. Kind of like Marie Osmond on meth.

While we haven’t been given any specifics about the premise of the show, Tequila says this about what to expect:

“This show will be unlike anything anyone has seen on television before. I want to push the envelope as far as I can.”

If pushing the envelope means wearing as little as possible and posing in positions that show as much as possible of her nethers and breasts, then expect her to push the envelope right up your posterior. I would expect nothing less from a gal who is best known for being on the “cover and/or featured in numerous magazines–such as Time, Maxim, and Rolling Stone’s ‘Hot Issue’ — for being the most ‘friended’ person on the social networking site MySpace.com.”

Tequila also released a single called “I Love U” with producer Lil’ Jon, which has only had any real success on the iTunes video chart, but is reportedly the first video to give you an STD in your eyes just from watching it. Okay, not really. But it did leave me with a burning sensation. I can’t wait for her new show, it’s gonna be totally rad!! And excruciatingly painful.

Here’s a snippet of Tila’s new single (after the jump,) “I Love U” which is reportedly a slam to ex-boyfriend Jared Leto, the girl who sings for 30 Seconds To Mars. Feast your ears, but cover your eyes so the STDs don’t getcha! NSFW or eyes.
But wait, there’s more…

 

The internet is abuzz over a story involving young actress Thora Birch and her dad acting like a total jackhole on the set of her new film, Winter Of Frozen Dreams. Apparently while filming a sex scene, Thora’s dad and manager Jack Birch demanded to be present, despite standard procedure being a closed set for such types of intimate scenes. An insider on the set said this about Thora’s sex scene with actor Dean Winters:

“It was so wrong. The director is saying, ‘Harder! Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up.”

There’s also some concern over Jack Birch bullying the director Eric Mandelbaum about camera angles, and on the first day of shooting the sex scene the insider stated: “All of a sudden, the front door is being kicked in. Her father was threatening to kill the assistant directors. Then he threatens to pull her from the movie with three days of shooting left.”

Jack Birch’s demeanor is both bizarre and unpleasant, and he’s described as looking “like Charles Manson,” wearing a “full-length leather coat and wraparound sunglasses, even at night” and in a review for an old movie he did  “Road of Death” (1973) he’s described as “a muscle-stud . . . so unphotogenic you can’t take your eyes off him.”

Oh, and he’s an old school porn star who met Thora’s mother Carol Connors on the set of their claim to fame film “Deep Throat.”

So, really, if you think about it, having parents who are porn stars is like the equivalent to having parents who are serial killers.  All the notoriety you could want, plus they aren’t in jail.  Why anyone is surprised that her dad acts like a freaking pervert and a digusting pedophile is beyond me.  Chances are pretty good that he is one.  Scandal solved.