Look, I’m a woman, and I know what Lindsay’s doing with her eyes.  That is one intense look and it has nothing to do with Cinco de Mayo or Hold The Mayo or Pass The Miracle Whip (okay, maybe the last one, a little bit, as long as you aren’t out in the sun):

Lauren [Conrad] and Lo looked particularly sloppy and Lindsay, well….rumor is that she was trying to cozy up to Joel [Madden], despite having her weird non-girlfriend Samantha Ronson by her side.

Good night.  Is there anything walking with a penis that Lindsay won’t try to bonk?  Never mind that Joel is supposedly in a committed relationship with Nicole Ritchie and that he has a new baby at home…this girl is honing in on her prey.  I just hope he’s got some Germ-X in his pocket before he takes something home to Harlow.  Don’t let Nicole see this pic…she’ll kick his butt and then not eat for a month.  (No, I’m not trying to be mean.)

And shame all over Joel for ever allowing himself to get in that situation to start with.  He should know better than that.  Of course, it is Lindsay…I guess the alluring, musky scent of fake tanner and cigarettes is just too much for any red-blooded male to overcome.  So can he really be blamed for that goofy look on his face?  He’s just a man.  Just a mortal man.

I’ll bet “Top Mom“ Dina is so proud right now.  Happy Mother’s Day!

Pamela “ma boobs are bigger than ma brain” Anderson is pregnant. I have no clue who the dad is, but it’s anyone’s guess at this point. According to TMZ, she’s not only pregnant, but is also going ahead with her divorce from third husband Rick Salomon. The couple were married in October and after 68 days of marriage Pam filed for divorce, only to retract her filing a couple days later stating she and Rick were “trying to work things out.”

Whatever, that poor kid is doomed, between Pammy’s hep C and Rick Salomon’s herpes the poor little baby doesn’t have a chance. Let’s pray for a miracle.

More importantly, didn’t Pam claim she was pregnant while married to Kid Rock and use this information to make him fly to Canada when she was filming that lame movie with Denise Richards, only to then lie and say she had a miscarriage/wasn’t pregnant to begin with or some such sh*t?

These people are such attention whores. And regular whores for that matter. How much you want to bet she isn’t even pregnant? Like a conception could possibly take place in a toxic waste dump!

Pam is one classy broad.

I can not express how disappointed, yet in awe, I am of Lindsay Lohan.

It is not easy finding nice things to say about her. Yet, I dug deep, deep, deep within my greatest reserves of goodwill and largess and said she had “talent” and was far less useless than say a whore like Paris Hilton, or that crazy loon Britney Spears. This was a real gesture of my own magnanimity, and how does this trollop repay me? By making ME look like an ass.

Yes, it is all about me.

Anyway, Lindsay was in Italy over the weekend to accept some kind of made-up award at the Capri Film Festival. She was joined by that little cheerleader from Heroes Hayden Pantyhose and while there, it seems Lindsay found herself some hot Italian sausages.

Now before I go any further, I have to share some insider information with you. Italian men (men from Italy) will hump a dead cat. No really, that’s how they roll. They are testosterone laden freaks who harass women on the street in packs or as individuals. Old Italian men, or little Italian boys — they are all the same, driven to sex up anything female. That said, I like Italian men and their indiscriminate need to try and mate with anyone. To them, Lindsay must have seemed like some kind of goddess from the land of horny sluts, open to their salacious advances and turning none away, regardless of inappropriate levels of body hair or stomach fat.

Ok, back to the story. Lindsay hooked up (or at least kissed) Italian waiter Alessandro Di Nunzio on Friday night, an then on Saturday actor Eduardo Costa, an older gentlemen whom she flirted and kissed, only to move on to Dario Faiella, yet another actor. She must have found what she was looking for in Faiella, as he got the grand prize. And likely, an STD.

Lindsay is pictured above with Faiella in what appears to be an awkward and most likely embarrassing post-coitus moment.

There are other rumors Lindsay spent somewhere near $700 on liquor over the weekend, and well, that may explain her amorous endeavors.

I am not sure whether to chastise her, or give her high fives for single-handedly redefining the feminist movement. I think a compromise is in order.

WooHoo Lindsay, way to go, you brazen, cheap harlot!!!! SLUT. IT. UP!!!

I don’t know who this Shauna Sands person is, but I saw this grim picture of a *mom* with her daughters out in public dressed like a hooker.

I have kids, I know it’s shocking, and I can tell you my oldest (and youngest for that matter) would NEVER let me out of the house dressed like a cheap prostitute. Both are under eight years of age and even in their youthful immaturity they would be able to recognize an absolutely embarrassing ensemble like this Shauna Sands person is wearing.

TMZ says she’s a Playgirl model. Is that a euphemism for “whore,” ‘cuz if it is, that’s a new one to me.

Gawd woman, dress like a decent human being when you are out with your kids. What kind of lecherous old pervs are you hoping to attract? Those shoes scream “I dance on tabletops for a living and let sweaty, lonely men put dollars in my panties.”

*rolls eyes*

I realize that Paris probably thinks she looks sexy in this Alice and Wonderland get-up, but if you look again, you can see Marilyn Manson trying to claw his way out of her diseased body. Come to think of it, those two would make a great couple: the Prince of Darkness and the Heiress of Whoreville.

More of Paris being an ass after the jump. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
But wait, there’s more…

I say allegedly for legal purposes only, but let’s face it, where there’s smoke there’s almost certainly fire.

Remember Larry Craig, the Idaho senator who was busted for soliciting an undercover officer for gay sex in an airport bathroom? Yeah, well if that wasn’t unsavory enough for you, this handsome burly gay man has come forward with some very salacious allegations about Craig from 20 years ago.

The equally unsavory Wonkette has the straight scoop:

One night, Phillips continues, “I followed [Craig] from The Follies to a Capitol Hill neighborhood, parking on the street no telling how far from his house. We walked up the alley and through the back door of a house, with him repeating several times, ‘You were never here. You don’t know me. Right?’ and me responding, ‘Right!’ in boyish submission. As we tiptoed from the back door to the stairs to the upper floor, as if somebody else was home, he turned to grope my crotch and brush my face with his hand.” The house’s decor led Phillips to believe that this was a married man: “The bric-a-brac with family pictures didn’t scream ‘old queen’ to me; it announced a woman’s influence. Still, we made our way upstairs.

It gets WAY more detailed from there and I caution the reader, it is not for the weak of constitution. But in summary the gentleman telling the story, David, describes what is the typical MO for gay men (married or not) who are in the closet, hold positions of authority and feel free to use and abuse young men who are confused and insecure.

It really is no different than the way straight men use and abuse young women who are confused and insecure.

I lived in DC (including Dupont Circle - a predominantly gay community) from ‘87 to ‘96. I even visited male gay bars (I am a straight female, the music in these clubs were always great and the guys never hassle you, so there!) and there was definitely a heavy inclination on anonymous sex and some real promiscuity. And this was during a time when AIDS was an iron-clad death sentence.

Being gay, IMHO, is absolutely something a person has no choice in. You are what you are, and it is what it is. Really, what’s the big deal. We should all strive to be true to ourselves. But I never was able to comprehend the distasteful way some gay men treated each other. There were literally places you could go to and have sex with someone without even looking them in the eye, let alone knowing their name. It is this tawdry side of (mostly male) gay life I think people have a hard time coming to terms with. Dalliances and infidelities happen within every kind of sexual orientation, but men are so hardwired for sex, that when you put them together in groups as objects of sexuality, the results can be grim.

This is why I support gay marriage. As a society we should be encouraging monogamy, in what ever form love takes.

*steps off podium*

Oh, and Larry Craig is a disgusting, mean-spirited perv for treating a fellow human being like that.

Source: dlisted

I’m not even going to bother writing a post for this.  The clip speaks for itself.

Now, if you don’t mind, after watching this I have an appointment to get a shot.  I don’t know what kind, but it is the sort that should remove any sort of infectious disease I may have contracted from watching this clip.  And I also need a shower.  An hour-long, steaming hot shower, and I’m going to scrub with steel wool and Barkeeper’s Friend until my skin bleeds.  And then I’m going to rub antibacterial gel all over myself.  Yes, friends, after watching this I do feel just that dirty.

If I have any energy left, I may gouge out my eyes, because I never want to see this again.

You’ve been warned.

We can’t seem to muster up enough interest to care that Heather Locklear’s and Denise Richards’ ex-manslut Richie Sambora has entered rehab, but we thought maybe you might.  This is what happens after Denise Richards gets a hold of your man parts.

Yesterday we posted a story with some pics were allegedly from four months ago. Apparently that is not true, they were from 2006, and this should come as no surprise considering the source was News Of The World. In any case, the pics showing Lindsay Lohan playing with knives featured none other than Vanessa Minnillo as her photo op partner.

Minnillo, who is best known for being the chick that Nick Lachey hooked up with after divorcing Jessica Simpson, also did some side work on MTV and ET serving as host for the shows interviewing celebrities until her contract was up in April. You might also remember her dropping an F-Bomb during the New Year’s Eve Live countdown show, because you know, she’s a professional.

Not surprisingly, the NYP is now reporting that it was not necessarily her decision not to renew her contract, but instead she was released due to her becoming increasingly “high maintenence” and her growing unwillingness to not do any actual work. A source reports:

“Vanessa wants to be a celebrity, not interview them. She wouldn’t conduct post-show interviews because she wanted to party. She expected to be paid a full-time salary for a part-time job.”

Wow, I am so shocked to hear that another celebrity wannabe is born. Who DOESN’T want to be a celebrity these days? Apparently the fast track to celebrityville is becoming a first rate beeyotch, which a source tells the Post is exactly what Ms. Minnillo is:

When producers flew her to Los Angeles to cover the Grammys, “she was extremely high maintenance,” said one source. “She insisted they fly her own hair and makeup people and her personal assistant out with her every time she flew to L.A. She only flew first class and stayed at the Four Seasons, and then she didn’t want to work.

Awesome. Who wants to work when there are lines of coke calling your name and famous schlongs to be banged? Hollywood is like the greatest invention of mankind. How else could we identify and separate society’s vapid and useless? Just think, without Hollywood, these gaping holes of insecurity and excess would be shuffling about taking up meaningful space and resources better spent on those who actually have something to contribute.

I wonder if there are any pics showing Lindsay and Vanessa swallowing swords? Seriously I think they were warming up for the retarded circus or something.

More Lindsay Lohan gossip.

Hard to say if this is true, but considering the subject matter is Lindsay Lohan, let’s just assume that it is.

The Bosh has some interesting quotes up about Lindsay’s latest relationship with British playboy Calum Best. It seems she’s a firecrotch in the sack, as well as, a pain in the a** on the set of her films. Here are the quotes that a source claims Calum said:

“[Calum] told me Lindsay’s really insatiable when it comes to sex. [He said] ‘she’s dynamite between the sheets…No girl I’ve ever slept with comes close.’…Calum was knocked out by her body. He said she’s got one of the best he’s ever seen with all the curves in the right places. He joked Lindsay loved being on top during sex and controlling the pace but sometimes he felt he needed ear muffs because she screamed so much during sex.”

“Calum explained that because Lindsay was so fit he would often find it hard to keep up with her demands. Lindsay likes her sex rough and passionate and Calum says he has the bruises and bumps to prove it. He joked their hotel room would often look like a whirlwind had run through it with sheets torn away from the mattress by the force of their bodies rolling across the bed.”

“Calum treats her no different to any other conquest even though she is a big Hollywood star. Lindsay’s used to men doing everything she asks and getting her own way but Calum is the exact opposite.”

Obviously these young women (Evan Rachel Wood, Jessica Simpson) got their sexual know-how from low-rent porn films. Screaming is so totally cliched. As is tearing up the joint, and giving bumps and bruises. If you know what you are doing, you don’t really need all the theatrics. It’s sex people, not “Die Hard 4″ - let’s keep the explosions, screaming and violence on the big screen. You can be passionate without making a mess and putting someone in the hospital.

Lindsay’s need for attention is pathological. She makes all red-heads look bad, and honestly, we can do that all our own, thank you very much!