Posh looks like she smells something really bad in that circle of friends.  The abbreviated Spice Girls tour came to an emotional end last night in Toronto as Mel C, Mel B, Geri, Emma, and Victoria bid farewell to their fans:

The Spice Girls ended their much-hyped reunion tour in emotional scenes, with groups members hugging and kissing at their final show in Toronto last night.

The tour ground to a premature halt following their performance in the north American city, amid speculation that the fivesome were at war again, and had suffered flagging ticket sales.

It was an emotional farewell, with Emma Bunton, Victoria Beckham, Melanie Brown, Geri Mel C gathering at the end for a group hug and individual embraces throughout the show.

When the tour was announced, the girls said they would be traveling to five continents, but they seem to have only made it to two.  They’re blaming family commitments for the premature ending and pulling out of going to Sydney, Beijing, Cape Town, and Buenos Aires:

A spokesman for the band insisted the dates could be fulfilled at a later stage and the women had not ruled out reuniting again.

Victoria Beckham said: “We have children who need to go back to school and we have always said our families are our priorities, so we want to thank all of our fans.

“Sorry we didn’t get to see everybody. We had a great time.”  

You know, I’ve been wondering about that…obviously the babies are pretty portable and they don’t have much of a schedule, but what about the older kids?  I know Posh’s kids are old enough to be in school, and so is Scary’s oldest daughter.  Do they just yank the kids out of school to go jetting around the world, or do they bring tutors?

But there are other, less publicized reasons as well.  From the start this reunion has been plagued with rumors of infighting between the girls.  For their final concert in Toronto, they all flew in separately and it was rumored that they were all staying in different hotels.  Mel C wants to return to her solo career (she was the most reluctant of the girls to reunite, mainly because she is the one with the most to lose).  And Posh wants to get back to designing whatever it is that she designs.

I personally think it’s rather ironic that Posh is the one who said she wanted to show her boys that “mummy” used to be a pop star, a famous person in her own right, and then at the height of the tour basically said, “Oh, you know that pop star thing?  Yeah, I’m so not that any more.  I design clothes now.  I’ve moved on.”

My opinion on why they quit?  I think they found out it was just too hard.  Let’s face it, these are women in their thirties now.  While that isn’t old by any stretch, all of them except Mel C now have children and families to look after…and just traveling from one spot to another is hard enough with kids, let alone taking them on a tour.  And as all of us who are of a “certain age” know, even if you’re in the best of shape, as you get older your body doesn’t quite want to do the things it did when it was ten years younger.  The last time these “girls” were on tour, they were single young twentysomethings with no kids, commitments, or bunions.  I think they looked at the past with rose-coloured glasses…but then got a rude awakening.

Oh, and they made enough money.  Time to call it a show!  Bye, everyone!  Tip your waitresses!  Drive safely!

You know, this is why I don’t do things with a bunch of women.  I’m all the time being invited to go shopping, out to lunch, whatever with several girl friends, and I always turn them down.  You know why?  Because you get a bunch of women together in once place, and it can’t turn out well.  They all think they are the boss and they know best, so you know there’s going to be bloodshed.

I could have warned the Spice Girls of this, had they bothered to ask me, because it seems that all is not well in Spiceworld:

Last week, the first of its release, their Greatest Hits sold 1.4 million copies worldwide, of which 75,000 were in the UK. X Factor’s Leona Lewis trounced this by selling 375,000 copies of her album in Britain that week.

A further worry for those involved in the reunion is that things are so bad in the Spice Camp that there are worries the tour might disintegrate before they have completed all the dates.

Relations between the girls range from “tricky” to “terrible”, and there are genuine fears over whether the ladies will be able to cope with the physical demands of the gigs, too. A tour insider said: “It’s obvious from what is going on in rehearsals in Los Angeles that there are a lot of problems.

“They have been doing their dancing and singing routines.

“They are having to change things all the time because the girls are frankly not up to it.

“There are worries about the stamina – apart from Mel B [Scary] who although she is now 32, is phenomenal and seems to never get winded.”

You’ll remember that Mel B just completed a stint on Dancing With The Stars, where she came in second.

Apparently, there has been backstage fighting between the girls about everything from wardrobe to babysitting.  Emma (Baby) is horrified at her costumes and is relying on slimming underwear to pull her through.  Mel C (Sporty) is irritated at Geri’s (Ginger) going on and on about her baby and what a great mom she is to her.  Emma has told Geri to shut up and spend more time with her own kid, instead of trying to tell Emma how to raise hers.  Geri has told Mel C that “one day” she’ll make a great mom.  And Victoria (Posh) can’t seem to make it through a routine without becoming winded and tired.  Sources say that before the Victoria’s Secret show, the girls went a bit nuts, swearing at one another.

And while Geri is perfectly happy to get nearly naked on stage, the rest of the girls aren’t so thrilled at the idea:

By contrast, Geri seems to have not a moment of self-doubt and is almost fanatically committed to the renewal of the Spice Girls brand.

“Geri is happy to bare her flesh, she is working out all the time and is proud of her six-pack.

“She has suggested coming out in a swimsuit, she wanted to go on stage and show off her body. I think everyone else felt sick at the thought, because it was such a competitive thing to say.”

The source added: “No one else wants to get almost naked.

“Emma is not happy with her outfits, because they are a bit revealing and so she’s out of her comfort zone.

“She wanted Alice Temperley, something beaded and pretty, but was told no. She is wearing control pants under all her outfits and has asked for corsets where she can have them.

“She is really insecure about her hips which are bigger than they used to be. It has left her feeling self-conscious.”

Victoria, for her part, is having problems with eating enough to keep up with the physical demands, along with her bunions and her hair falling out, and did I mention that she thinks she could be pregnant?

Victoria fears she may be in the early stages of pregnancy – something which she is keeping from [Simon] Fuller, who told them all not to dream of disrupting the tour in this way.

She is also suffering daily agonies because she is dancing in high heels, and her bunions are “dreadful”. And she frets that she looks the oldest of the group, paying the price for her erratic eating habits with poor skin and thinning hair. [...]

An insider said: “Victoria has the biggest insecurities.

“She is worried about her skin, which is very bad again, and her hair, which is falling out.

“She is thinking of having some short extensions put in to add volume, as the condition is so bad after all of the dyeing this year.

“And she feels that she has aged. When she saw the pictures from the press conference this summer she was upset because she thought she looked the oldest out of all of them.

“She has been struggling with the workload.

“They have had a buffet laid on every day and Victoria has surprised everyone by eating pulses and brown rice. She even had some brown bread. Mostly she has lots of salads and strawberries and edamame beans, that is her usual diet, but she has been advised to keep her energy up with some carbs.

“People are concerned about her. She is not very fit and doesn’t have much energy.

“Some people wonder if she is going to last the tour.”

So all these years of foot-twisting heels, bad dye jobs, and edamame beans have finally caught up with Mad Posh.  It just goes to show you that just because someone is thin and pretty, that doesn’t mean they are healthy, or that they have a healthy self-image.

Of all the girls (why do we keep calling them girls?  They’re in their thirties), Mel C has the strongest singing voice and most talent, and subsequently has the most to lose if this tour is a flop, because she is the only one with a successful solo career to worry about.  Victoria probably has the weakest singing voice, a breathy soprano, and she’s doing mostly backup harmonies.

But as far as how they look physically…I think they all look amazing.  Emma shouldn’t worry about her hips, they look fine.  If they have a few more curves now, so what?  Curves can be amazing if used to your advantage, instead of trying to hide them.  Frankly, I think Geri’s sixpack is a bit scary, and Victoria needs desperately to put on some weight, but overall they should all be proud of their appearances.

But I’m telling you, a bunch of women together in one spot never works out.  Mark my words.  It’ll be interesting to see how the tour works…and if they are speaking to one another at the end of it.

Here is a shot of Mad Posh at the Dancing With The Stars finale:

Another shot:

Here she is at their concert about a week ago:

And here is a picture of the chesticles in all their glory:

Personally, I hope it’s true.  She looked too much like Strumpet Spice Barbie with those half-cantaloupes.  They hang correctly, they look nice.  At least now she looks relatively normal…well, as normal as she can look.

Now if she’d just smile more…

She’s a crazy bitch, that’s the secret. Then again, that’s hardly a secret to any sentient being who still participates in the facade we call the human race. Sorry for the rancor people, just growing weary of our continued neglect of the famous fallen who clearly are in desperate need of psychiatric evaluation, yet are still allowed the freedom to harm themselves, others and their loved ones. Can’t Congress do something about Britney and Amy?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the Victoria Secret’s Superfantastico Glittery Extravaganza on Ice show which took place last night featuring such talented folks as Seal and his lovely wife Heidi Klum (they really are a strange couple), The Spice Girls (they’re really weird too) and Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas filled in for the grief-stricken Kanye West who was set to open the show at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood.

Many a star was in attendance including, Eva Longoria Parker, Hayden Panettiere, Michael Vartan, Ryan Seacrest, Neil Patrick Harris, Gary Dourdan, Dean Cain, Ana Ortiz, Jeremy Piven and Rebecca DeMornay. According to USA today, actor Michael Vartan was NOT their to see the Spice Girls, contrary to popular belief.

Asked about the Spice Girls reuniting, Vartan said “I couldn’t care less.” He didn’t even know they’d be performing at the show

Strange….that’s the EXACT same thought I had when I heard they were reuniting. Not so strange was Vartan’s real reason for attending the event.

Vartan made it clear why he was there — to see the Angels. But Vartan let it be known, “I don’t believe in lingerie one bit.”

Right with you man, flannel jammies are it. Anything good enough for Jesus is good enough for me.

But what about those Spice Girls. Check them out. More importantly, check out Posh Beckham on the end. Is that the face of PMS of what? Victoria looks like she just found out Ginger Spice weighs less than she does, and she’s mentally scheduling a colonic to fix that problem.

I don’t get it.  I mean…I don’t get it.

I just…don’t…get it.

What’s the point?

They all look good enough, and the song is okay…but what’s the point?

I will say…wow, Sporty (Melanie Chisholm) can really sing!  I think she’s the best one on there.  And the furniture is way cool. But PLEASE cover up Geri’s abs…who cares, total nakedity gratuity!  Ick ick ick!

“Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)” is this year’s charity single for Children In Need.