Who would have thought that it would be Blake Incarcerated-Again who would be the one filing divorce papers?  Everybody expected Amy to dump him, especially since it is said that she recently claimed she was taking a sunny vacation just to wait for Blaaaaake:

After Amy Winehouse was pictured in the arms of a clean-cut young actor, friends may have hoped she was finally about to ditch her jailbird husband.

Yet the singer has announced that she plans to return to him – after she has spent six months in the Caribbean.

Amy, 25, has told friends she wants to stay on St Lucia until she can be reunited with Blake Fielder-Civil, who began serving his latest prison term in December.

She appeared to have abandoned her marriage after becoming close to actor Joshua Bowman, 21, while staying at the luxury Le Sport spa on the island.

Yet far from thinking of divorcing the man who introduced her to heroin and crack cocaine, Amy plans to stick by him in spite of his conviction for assault and perverting the course of justice. [...]

However, they say Amy has begun drinking again and is merely flirting with other men while she ‘waits’ for her husband.

‘Amy was walking through the resort with the ‘other Blake’ [Wood] on Thursday, and they were looking quite kissy and cuddly,’ said an acquaintance who overheard the encounter.

‘She spotted her friend Stan Clayton, the owner of Mustique’s Firefly Hotel, and loudly announced, ‘It’s great here. I’m staying for six months, waiting for my husband to come out of jail.’

‘It was strange. She was saying she intends going back to her husband and this other Blake character was just sitting there, looking as if he couldn’t care less.

‘They all had lunch and then she went down to the topless beach. On Friday night she made a spectacle of herself again. She got trashed on wine.’

But the most recent news is that she says she’s in love and that her marriage to Blaaaaaaake was based on drugs, drugs, and something called drugs…which, predictably, ticked off Blaaaaaaake enough to file for the Big D:

Celebrity lawyer Henri Brandman told MailOnline that Blake had instructed him to launch the action on the grounds of Amy’s adultery. It is thought that Blake will go for half of Amy’s £10 million fortune.

The move comes as loved-up Amy told a Sunday newspaper that she has finally kicked her drug habit. The star also admitted that she had ‘forgotten I’m even married’ to Blake, claiming ‘our whole marriage was based on doing drugs’. [...]

Contrary to earlier reports that she was waiting for Blake to join her on the island, the singer told the newspaper: “I love it here and have never felt so happy.

“In fact, I don’t think I’m ever going home.

“Especially as I met Josh here. He couldn’t be more different from my husband, which isn’t a bad thing.”

She also branded Blake ‘rubbish in bed’, adding, ‘Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead’.

Well, now.  So taking a vacay to St. Lucia was just what the doctor ordered to get Amy off drugs, huh.  Clinics, doctors, rehab, none of that worked, but going off to a tropical island and finding a new beau was what she needed.  Get my skeptical crayon, because that’s what I’m going to have to color this picture she’s drawn.

You see, what Amy has to realize is something most of us have had to come face to face with…wherever you go, there you are.  That means that her problems weren’t left in London when she hopped on that plane…she packed them in her suitcases, she put them in her purse, she loaded them in her pockets.  A change of scenery is often good to get our minds off our problems and the stuff we deal with, but what happens when the new, exciting vacation with new, exciting people becomes the same old drudgery with the same boring folks?

People like Amy crave not only drugs, but excitement.  She’s got to have constant drama in her life, constant upheaval, continuous movement.  I think that’s one reason why her little trip to the islands has seemed to “work”…it’s a change and she needs change.  The thing is…will she still be clean (and we don’t know for sure that she truly is) in six months?  In a year?  When she moves back to London?  If she dumps this new guy?  Even if she decides to live in St. Lucia?

Don’t get me wrong.  I truly hope Amy can conquer her addictions.  I want to see Amy clean as much as anyone does, and I’ll be the first one in her corner (as I was when she performed at the Grammys) if she can truly stay clean.  I realize that kicking drugs is a moment-to-moment decision and a slip doesn’t mean the person has failed…you just have to get up and start again.  I just hope that she sees this trip is a temporary respite from her normal life, and that she must keep this “clean” mindset once she rejoins “normal” life.  We all, Amy included, shouldn’t jump to conclusions that Amy is “cured”.

Oh, and Blake Incarcerated-Divorcer and his little filing?  That would be the best thing to happen to Amy since she discovered the beehive.  I do think it’s a little rich of Amy to put the blame for her bad marriage on Blake, but then again these two aren’t exactly deep, introspective thinkers.  From Blake’s blaming himself for introducing Amy to drugs to his own lack of interest in honoring his marriage vows, I find it hard to muster up any sympathy for this guy.  However, one minute he’s acting like a total jerkface and the next he’s saying how much he loves Amy and wants to help her…wow, I can see why she had to take drugs when she was with Blaaaaaaaaaaake.  I need a Midol myself just to finish this paragraph about him.

Now, about that “Blake” tattoo…

It’s entirely too early in the morning for this sort of thing.  News is that Cynthia Rodriguez, soon to be ex-wife of slugger Alex Rodriguez, is hopping mad that he is abandoning his children to jump at the chance to be with Madonna and her offspring:

The Yankee slugger, who ditched his wife of six years, Cynthia, after becoming besotted with Madonna, is a “soul-less” man who is “abandoning” his kids on Thanksgiving for his lover, according to what Cynthia is telling friends.

“Access Hollywood” reports that Cynthia, who’s in the final stages of her divorce from A-Rod, wrote an e-mail to a confidant noting: “My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna . . . She called and he ran on her command back to New York City . . . Gross!”

Instead of ushering in the holidays in Miami with his children, Natasha, 4, and Ella, 1 – A-Rod, 33, is hosting a dinner at his Manhattan apartment for Madonna, 50, and her kids, Lourdes, Rocco and David, and manager Guy Oseary.

Well, it’s nice to know that A-Rod has his priorities straight.  After all, what could be more important than keeping Madonna happy?

Cynthia, a bit of advice for you:  He doesn’t want to be with you or your children.  Deal with it and stop trying to force him to pay attention to his daughters, because most of the time a man who is forced to spend time with his children comes to resent it even though that’s the wrong attitude to take.  Raise them to respect him but not to expect him.  One of two things will happen…either he will decide he likes being free and will just ignore them (and really, do you want a man like that in their life?), or he’ll eventually realize what he’s lost with his kids and try to make amends with them.  Either way, make sure he supports them financially, because that is only right.

This has all the makings of a really bad Lifetime special.  Thanksgiving With M-Rod, the heartwarming holiday tale of a couple with no boundaries, no scruples, no wrinkles, and no family.

UPDATE:  For those of you wetting yourself over the details…AH may have gotten the specifics wrong regarding locations but they seem to be on the money otherwise.  M-Rod may not be in New York, but they are in Miami, and they are definitely together.  See here for photographic proof.  It was his camp that tried to tell everyone A-Rod put family first.

The economy has hit all of us hard.  I’ve been trying to reduce my trips in the ol’ vehicle, buying more generic groceries instead of name brands, clipping my coupons, and turning down the heat, all in the name of trying to economize and save money.  But you know it’s bad when Linda Hogan Bollea Whatever is so broke she can’t even pay attention:

Recession or not, it’s extremely hard to balance a budget on $40,000 a month. That’s why Linda Hogan needs more. Oh did we mention — she wants Hulk to foot the bill for her 19-year-old boyfriend’s nautical tuition?

Charley Hill wants to go to sea school, and Linda wants Hulk to pay for what could be the next Captain & Tennille. Getting back to why $40,000 isn’t enough, Linda blew $14 grand at a Bev Hills Doctor’s office this week. Hulk says it’s for cosmetic surgery.

Um.  Hulk?  If I were you, I’d insist on a receipt for that surgery.  You know, just in case there might  be a refund involved.  Hey, I ain’t sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Wonder when the last time was that Linda visited John Graziano?  You know, the Marine that her son put in a permanent vegetative state due to his stupidity and her lax parenting?  I’m totally sure that part of that $40,000 went to help his family with their medical bills.  I don’t know what people are thinking when they criticize Linda…she’s a saint.  A saint, I tell you.

Rumors are swirling around the continuing saga of the Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce, and the latest ones are that Guy has chosen to not take a huge chunk of Madonna’s fortune, instead choosing to focus his attention on taking care of his sons:

In another document released by the court, Senior District Judge Philip Waller, who gave the go ahead for the divorce, said he was satisfied that the court did not need to exercise its powers under the Children Act nor give any directions under the Matrimonial Causes Act.

This would indicate that the couple reached a mutual settlement over their assets and the children before the divorce. [...]

Ritchie was no doubt in a celebratory mood after both parties agreed to an initial financial deal and a shared 50/50 custody agreement over their sons.

And he said last night: ‘It dragged on much too long and that had nothing to do with me.

‘It was never about the money – never about her bloody art collection. I just wanted to settle it and move on.

He told a friend: ‘I didn’t raise any objections at any stage until she insisted the children lived permanently in New York.’

Ritchie – who under English law is in principle entitled to up to 50 per cent of the wealth earned during the marriage – has opted to take very little of his wife’s money in order to retain some control over his children’s future.

But reports claim he will walk away with the 1,200 Ashcombe House estate in Wiltshire and the couple’s £2.5million Punchbowl pub in Mayfair.

And under the terms of the settlement, the family’s four houses in London – worth around £17million will be sold and the money split equally.

However, there seem to be some under-the-table dealings, as not everything decided on is inked up in the papers:

A source close to the couple told the Daily Mail last night: ‘All is not quite what it seems. The deal is 50/50 in terms of child access.

‘On paper anyway, Guy will not take any money. However all the security, travel and any other arrangements with the children will be funded by Madonna.

‘She has also agreed to give him a £2million sweetener as a kind of gift. This will not be seen in the court paperwork.

‘She will maintain his standard of living for the children. However that arrangement will also not be seen in the court paperwork.’

One thing that Guy pushed for, and got, was 50/50 time with his boys.  Madonna was wanting to limit his time seeing them and base the kids full-time in New York, but her argument didn’t really have merit since she has seen so little of them herself lately:

She had wanted all her children to live with her in New York, but her 40-year-old husband was keen to ensure that his sons stay in England.

The source said a compromise had now been reached which will see the two boys dividing their time between Britain and the US.  

Lourdes will stay with her mother, who is currently on a world tour, in America.

Richie, who is currently looking after their sons, took them both to the London set of his film Sherlock Holmes.

A source close to the couple added: ‘Madonna is gutted that he has got 50/50 access. What went against her was the small amount of time that she has spent with the kids recently. They have always been with nannies.

‘Her lawyers made clear to her that if she had gone to court not only would it have been a slanging match, but she could have lost more access.’

It seems that, under British law, the decree nisi is the first step, and a decree absolute can be filed after six weeks and one day have passed, if there are no objections.

The speed at which they got this thing worked out was nothing short of amazing to watch.  I’ve seen people with nothing but a doublewide, a Trans Am on blocks, some yellowing Good Housekeeping magazines, two coon dogs, and a collection of NFL thimbles to argue about take longer than this.  Maybe Sir Paul McCartney and what’s-her-name served as an example to other celeb ex-couples in what to not do during a divorce.

But I’m glad to see that these poor boys have at least one relatively sane parent.  Madonna, with her Twelve Commandments and her insatiable need to control everything around her, is soon going to find herself alone if she doesn’t watch it.  I would bet my mortgage that Guy isn’t following her every silly rule to the letter, and when the boys get back home to her they’re going to miss being “normal” kids.  Give ‘em a cheeseburger and some Nerf guns, for cryin’ out loud.

But it seems that Madonna is of the “Do as I say, not as I do” club when it comes to her kids.  If you remember, one of her Twelve Commandments to Guy was that he could not let the boys talk to any of his friends, especially if they were female…implying that she didn’t want them getting chummy with any of his new girlfriends (of which there has been no evidence…perhaps Madonna is paranoid).  Yet, it seems that her kids can get chummy with someone reported to be her new boy toy, as daughter Lourdes was possibly spotted out shopping with Alex Rodriguez.  Hmm…control freak much?

And one more thing…remember the commandments that said the kids were only allowed to eat macrobiotic, vegetarian, and organic food, and were only allowed to drink Kablahblahblahlalalah water?  Well, not sure that La Vina qualifies as macrobiotic or organic (although there are vegetarian choices on their menu), and they don’t offer Kabbalah water.  But the kids sure looked happy when they were photographed going in.  Oops, another commandment broken!

I used to think that Paris Hilton only went after hawt young pieces of freshly ripped manmeat, but when she started dating Benji Madden it became clear that either she was capable of expanding her horizons, looking past the outer shell, and totally going for the bald, slightly pudgy type, or he has some hidden “talent” that we don’t know about.  Either way, I’m locking up my husband, and I’m not going to tell you for which reason.  Why?  Because Paris and her boyfriend Benji Madden have ended their relationship, and that means Paris is on the loose again:

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden called it quits Tuesday after nine months of dating, a rep for Hilton confirms exclusively to Usmagazine.com.

“Even though they are still in love, they felt it would be better to just be friends,” a source close to Hilton, 27, tells Us.

The reason for the split?

“Benji was overprotective and controlling. He doesn’t get along with any of her friends,” the source tells Us. “Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again.”

I agree with her friends.  She had changed…she wasn’t out until 3 in the morning, she wasn’t falling down drunk out of clubs, she wasn’t flashing her knickers (and her nethers) at every possible opportunity, and she was generally behaving herself…well, as much as anyone named “Paris Hilton” can.

But then again, it seems like he’s usually glaring at the camera like he is ready to rush the cameraguy and take a bite out of the lens.  Every so often he’d look human (like in the photo above), but mostly this is one angry-looking dude.  Of course, a lot of that could be just putting on for the press (after all, he has an image as a bad boy rocker to uphold), but you never know.

Anyway, she’s discovered what those of us who love a baldie have already learned…bald men don’t waste their hormones growing hair.  Once you go bald, you never go back.  There’s a whole new territory that’s been opened to her now…I’m telling you, if you have a short, slightly overweight guy who’s losing his hair, lock him up.  Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Just another public service I offer at no cost or obligation to you.

Srsly, I’ve always thought that Kablahblahblahlalalah was as creepy fail as Scientology, but I never really quite realized just how creepy fail it is.  Case in point:  Madonna (otherwise known as Mistress Of All She Surveys), herself a bit creepy fail, finally let hubby Guy Ritchie see his sons, but it is provided he follows the Twelve Commandments as set forth by Her Holiness:

1. Do not let them watch TV, read newspapers or magazines, or watch DVDs UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
2. They can only eat food that is macrobiotic, vegetarian, and organic.  No processed or refined food UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
3. If they get thirsty, they are to drink Kabbalah water, even if they use it to dilute organic juice, and NO EXCEPTIONS.
4. They are to only wear the clothing Madonna sent with them, but if the terrible event were to arise that they must purchase clothing it should not contain man-made fibers UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
5. If they go out in public, disinfect their hands at EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY.
6. They are not to have toys which are “spiritually or ethically unsound.”
7. Don’t say the D-word (Divorce).
8. Madonna will talk to the boys as much as three or four times a day at times which are convenient to her and which are set by her.
9. The boys are not allowed to talk to Guy’s friends and especially if they are of the female persuasion.
10. This visit is for Guy to spend time with his kids, and Guy’s parents (the children’s grandparents) are to have limited contact.
11. The boys are NOT to be photographed with their father UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES and it is his fault if they are.
12. Any bedtime stories are to be Madonna’s “English Rose” books and none other.

Do I really need to say any more?   This stuff just writes itself.

I mean, srsly.  First of all, #11 has already been broken.  All you have to do is open one of the UK newspaper websites and there they are.  But what is a “spiritually or ethically unsound” toy?  Is she serious?  I agree that we shouldn’t give our kids do-it-yourself junior Pol Pot playsets, but just how does one define that?  Maybe something like Legos or blocks, but Legos can be used to fashion things like swords and guns, and blocks make really cool weapons, with their sharp corners and all.  I’m assuming this means no teddy bears or stuffed animals to cuddle, since that might be enslaving an animal to do your will (of course, Madonna has riding horses, but that must be different).  And anybody knows that if you spend too much time disinfecting yourself, you just make yourself more susceptible to germs, because you create new supergerms as they become resistant.  I’d go on, but I think you get the idea.

By all accounts, the boys were happy to see Guy, with little Rocco particularly joyous:

Eight-year-old Rocco looked delighted to be back in his father’s company and threw his arms around him after walking through the gates at Gatwick.

Guy also shared a hug with David, three, whom he adopted from Malawi in 2006, later hoisting him on his hip as they made their way through the terminal.

An onlooker says: ‘Rocco shouted, “Dad!” in the loudest voice.’

‘Both he and David were smiling. Guy literally threw his coffee aside to free up his hands and run over. You could tell they were all so excited to see each other.’

And I don’t care what anyone says, putting little Rocco in a NY Yankees shirt was a deliberate slap in the face to Guy:

Guy was reportedly reduced to tears after seeing a photo of Rocco at a New York play centre wearing a navy Yankees T-shirt – the baseball team of Madonna’s rumoured new love interest Alex Rodriguez – just days after the split was made public.

Rocco loves his father dearly and undoubtedly didn’t realize he was being made a pawn, used to send a two-fingers-up message to his father.  But it isn’t hard to manipulate a kid into thinking that this or that is cool, especially if he has been treated to ballgames while in NYC.  I mean, what little kid wouldn’t love a baseball game, in person, in a VIP box?  He probably just thinks it’s a neat souvenir…only his mother realizes the true meaning.

But I do have a question…looking at a photo of the boys and their father in the airport, I have to ask…since when are Addidas trainers and Ugg boots vegetarian and all-natural?  Aren’t the soles of the shoes of man-made materials?  The black shoes certainly look like leather to me, and do I really have to go into what the uppers of Uggs are made of?

Look, I’m a child of divorced parents, and my mom had a list of weird stuff too for when I went to visit my dad, which he subsequently ignored.  I love my dad.  Need I say more?

It’s nice to know Hulk Hogan has his priorities straight concerning his vehicles.  His soon-to-be-ex-wife’s boytoy Hulkalike wants to drive one of Hulk’s cars, and the big man is having a fit about it:

The Rolls-Royce in question was to sit in storage until their marital assets were divided — because the car loses value if driven. But Linda recently wanted to take it on a joy ride anyway.

Once Hulk’s counsel got word Linda was having the car prepped to drive, they had the Rolls moved to an undisclosed location.

Sources tell us the car’s insurance was “woefully inadequate,” and Hulk had fears Linda’s 19-year-old boyfriend Charley Hill would drive it — which could have put the extremely expensive car at risk.

Maybe if he would have taken the same approach to his kids as he did his vehicles, perhaps that whole accident thing concerning his son Nick would not have happened.  But, at least he knows what is important, right?

Terry, a piece of advice.  If I were you, I’d make sure any insurance on any car I had was totally paid up and adequate.  You know, since she’s so fond of street racing and outrunning the cops.  After all, if Linda Bollea wants to take any car for a joyride, it’s hard to tell just what she’ll be doing while she’s out there:

At one point in the documentary, [Linda] was asked how she feels about street racing.

Her answer: “Oh, I love it. I love it. The rush, the speed on the road, stereo blasting, heart-pounding, racing in between all the cars, dodging the cops. It’s awesome.”

Anybody know what zero to sixty is in a Rolls?

Yeah, I know, it’s bad karma to engage in schadenfreude, but sometimes, a person’s own karmic ballsiness balances out the joy in wishing them misery.

Avril Lavigne is just that sort of person. Avril’s vile, snotty, bratty, narcissistic, anti-social and worst of all, possesses a very limited supply of talent. A talent mind you, which she has chosen to waste on poorly crafted fake-punk songs. Kind of offends me actually, as I grew up when punk was born and the spirit of punk is essentially the antithesis of Avril Lavigne.

Ahh, but I digress. Let’s get to the fun part. Multiple reports are coming out in the tabloids after the story first broke in the National Enquirer, that while Avril was performing a show in China, her hubby of 2 years, fellow pseudo-punker Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) is out with the ladies. Here’s more from the Daily Dish:

According to the National Enquirer the pair — who wed in 2006 — has been troubled since Lavigne embarked on her world tour earlier this year, often leaving the couple thousands of miles apart.

A source tells the magazine Lavigne and Whibley “have been growing apart for months,” adding, “Deryck isn’t motivated in his own career, so he’s been drinking and partying.”

Rumors of their split were fueled when Whibley was reportedly seen at an event at a Los Angeles nightclub “huddled at a private table” and holding the hand of an unknown woman.

As WENN went to press a spokesperson for Lavigne and Whibley had not returned requests for comment.

So another one may or may not bite the dust. I have to say this is no tragic loss. Avril’s self-absorbed behavior must be grating even to other self-absorbed people. It was simply a matter of time. As for that comment from Lavigne and Whibley, chances are it would be in the form of a loogie anyway. Hey WENN, count yourself lucky you DIDN’T hear back from them.

Just goes to show you, older doesn’t necessarily mean wiser, especially when you’ve blown out all your brain cells on drugs and alcohol.  Rolling Stone guitarist Ronnie Wood, 61, went on a ten-day binge with a blonde young thang and as a result, his wife predictably gave him the big boot:

Guitarist Wood, 61, was said to be drinking two bottles of vodka a day with Ivanova after meeting her in a Soho bar at 4.30am, partying with her in London before flying them both to his Co Kildare holiday home. 

Jo, left behind at the family home in Kingston upon Thames, thought they were just drinking buddies and believed they’d gone on a painting holiday, insisting: “They’re not boyfriend and girlfriend  -  not in that way.”

But the source said Jo decided to end her marriage this weekend after reports emerged that Ronnie chatted up Ekaterina before whisking her away to Ireland where she has since posed nude for him [for a painting].

Ronnie’s publicist actually issued a non-BS statement about the whole thing, saying that the rehabbed musician has fallen off the wagon and Blondie is his drinking partner but nothing more:

The publicist said: ‘She is a drinking partner. When you’re an alcoholic and your family are all telling you to stop drinking you simply find someone else to drink with. You can see how it happens, you end up pushing away the ones you love because you don’t think straight.

‘He met her in a dodgy escort bar at four in the morning when he was boozed out of his mind. I heard she worked there, but doing what I don’t know. It was a very dodgy scenario.

‘He’s fallen off the wagon big time. He’s spiralling out of control and every time he returns to his drinking it’s worse than before. He’s not even clear-headed enough to check himself into rehab.

‘He’s in a very bad way. His son Tyrone has tried to speak to him briefly, but he’s not even waking up until late afternoon. He’s very much spiralling.

‘He’s on two bottles of vodka a day and he has a size 28 waist. He’s not a massive man. He’s an alcoholic who has worked up his tolerance to that amount. He is in contact with Jo but until he sorts out the booze problem, it’s not Ronnie. Nothing can be resolved.

‘ Wood was absent on Thursday night when the rest of his family went to the first night of an art exhibition run by Tyrone in Mayfair.

Asked if she thought the pair were having an affair, Jo told The Sun: ‘They’re not boyfriend or girlfriend  -  not in that way.’

Ekaterina, for her part, has been telling her friends that they are an item and she’s picking out dish patterns:

However Miss Ivanova has been telling friends a very different story. One said: ‘She is besotted with Ronnie. Whether or not he knows it, she plans a future with him. She has told everyone Ronnie has left his wife for her and they are a full-on item.’

So once again we have an older man, married with a family, who ought to know better, being blindsided by a pretty young girl.  For whatever reason he decided to run off with her for a mini-vacation, in this case, you can make the argument that his good judgement might definitely be clouded by the haze of alcohol he keeps himself in.  He should undoubtedly give rehab another go, but he’s never been a big fan of giving up his vices.

But it’s the Rolling Stones…I mean, come on.  Most of the band members are well-versed in the art of non-fidelity and the lifestyle of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.  Not all of them, but most of the members could give these young stars a run for their money.

I guess at this point I have to introduce a morality element to justify the publishing of this story.  So, here it is:  See Ronnie Wood?  Do the opposite.

Amid some pretty solid news that Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are definitely splitzville, comes this report that Tony honored his promise to squire Jess to her sister’s wedding…after being “reminded” by her father Joe:

After multiple sources told Us this week that Tony Romo, and Jessica Simpson, had split. The Dallas Cowboys quarterback arrived at Simpson’s parents’ Encino house shortly before noon today as the family prepared for Ashlee’s backyard wedding.

As Usmagazine reported on Friday, Joe Simpson personally called Romo and asked him to attend the wedding, as Jessica’s date, in order to support the family. Jessica will be Ashlee’s maid of honor.

What kind of dad calls up his daughter’s ex to “support the family”?  I mean, I’d think he would want people there who WANT to be around, not who have to be “asked”.  And what is this “support the family” biz?  It sounds like they’re preparing for a funeral, not a wedding.  Come on, Joe, it isn’t a fiscal crisis, just your knocked-up daughter’s shotgun wedding.  I’m telling you, these Simpsons just ooze class!

Makes me wonder just what sort of dirt Papa Joe has on Tony.  I don’t think Tony did this just to be nice.  You just gotta wonder if Jessica told daddy something that was supposed to be kept secret, or if she saw something she wasn’t supposed to, or if that whole incident in Vegas was more than it seemed on the surface.  Or maybe he had Tony sign one of those billion year contacts like Scientology makes you sign when you join Sea Org.  I ain’t sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Don’t drink the punch, Tony!