Before Kate left Jon I almost felt sorry for him. Yes I did call him a spineless man in a previous article, but I always felt that Kate was such a controlling total bee-yotch, perhaps Jon was kind of like a battered husband. Well I am changing my tune now.

As of late Jon has been see sucking down cocktails in the French Riviera on a yacht with girlfriend Hailey to discuss a clothing line with designer Christain Audigier. It has been reported that Jon is also now seeing tabloid reporter Kate Major. Oh the irony! Jon dating a tabloid reporter. That is like Tom Cruise dating a psychiatrist.

The real piece of comedic fodder here, is John’s recent trip to the Hamptons. Where people who talk with clenched teeth complain how hard it is to find a decent maid as they check their watches to be sure they don’t miss their tee off time at the Maidstone.

OK Magazine has the full story.

I guess Jon Goselin  has been hanging with Michael Lohan. So I guess he felt if he showed up at the Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge in Bridgehampton, that he can jump into a conversation with someone and rub elbows with some of Hampton’s humdingers of elite. But after his fourth circle around the tent dressed in his J. Crew clothes (how gauche) and flip flops, the heckles and laughter began to ensue, and he hightailed it out of there.

Oh Jon, really? The Mercedes Polo challenge? Talk about being out of your league. Don’t you know if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig?

It seems Jon got a taste of stardom and is now tying to hob knob with the droll and snoity. Perhaps Jon should give the Hogans a call. They seem to be more Jon’s speed. Maybe he can date Brooke if he can get rid of rapper boyfriend “Stack$“. Shouldn’t  be too difficult…John can just dangle something shiny in front of him.That should do it. Then with Stack$ out of the way, Jon and Brooke can start a whole new reality show! Maybe call it “Jon and Brooke Chill In South Beach“. Then they can go up to the Hamptons and pick out a polo pony. Awwww. 

Gee I sure hope TLC doesn’t read this. I don’t want to give them any more stupid ideas. We have enough to contend with shows like Toddlers in Tiaras, What Not To Wearand that other show….. ummm what was it called again? *snicker*

July has been an agonizing month here on Planet Celebrity. So many deaths, so much weirdness — it’s all too much to digest. Thankfully we have the growing consistency of douchery from Jon Gosselin, absent father to eight young children, to help us find stable ground in which to catch our breath.

Just last week we discussed Jon’s recent foray into the single world, when he decided to risk what’s left of penis with 22-year old professional attention whore, Hailey Glassman. On the heels of that debacle, there comes allegations he’s been dipping into the tabloid cess-pool, and stepping out with a Star Magazine reporter, whose since quit her job due to “conflicts of interest.”

But none of that comes close to his recent gutter-dwelling move, which has Jon revealing to the entire world, which includes SICKOS and PERVERTS, that his wife may be hiding over $100,000 in the family home.

Holy breakins and home invasions! What the hell would possess a supposed caring and nurturing father to divulge this information (true or not) to the public at large? I may not have a degree in propulsion engineering, but I know a dumbass when I see one. A criminally negligent one at that!

Here’s the breakdown from the latest f-tard move from the “paternal” Gosselin, after a new report from Life and Style magazine. From Just Jared:

Since splitting from wife Kate, Jon’s been pretty open with his money. “Kate controlled the money for the longest time in their relationship,” a close friend of Jon’s tells Life & Style. “Now I don’t think he’s worried about money at all. He’s taking a bunch of us to Las Vegas at the end of August. It’s going to be wild!”

Jon is also convinced Kate is hiding major sums of cash from him — and he’s determined to find it. “Jon is sure Kate’s keeping money from him, more than a million dollars,” an insider reveals. “He thinks some of the money she’s made from her books and tours has been put someplace where he can’t access it. Jon says he found out Kate had been hiding about $100,000 in cash in the house…. It’s turned into an all-out war over money. Jon says Kate’s books and speaking engagements were based on their children and their relationship, so he rightfully deserves a cut.”

Um, no he doesn’t. There are a lot of things Jon deserves, (like a swift boot to the nards) but money from Kate’s books and her speaking engagements ISN’T one of them.

It’s painful to have to defend Kate Gosselin, because surely if anyone is a C U next Tuesday, it’s her, but when your douchery starts spilling over on to your kids, then that’s when it’s time to call a d-bag a d-bag.

Nothing like advertising your wife is hiding $100,000 in your family home to bring out the law-breakers. These days, people will bust your cap for the quarters in your ashtray, so it’s probably a good idea to keep your friggin’ mouth shut about where your money is, especially if you have 8 defenseless kids and rabid possum in your crib.

On a sidenote, Kate gets major props for keeping her piehole shut throughout this entire tabloid frenzy. You and I both know, Kate goes home, screams into her pillow and has sweaty, fretful dreams of kicking Jon’s silly ass 15 ways to Sunday when she reads this crap. Kate deserves a good lay and some cold Bartles and Jaymes for keeping it together recently!

Hell, even I dream of twisting Jon’s sack until it turns purple.

Wikipedia has shown Scientology the door. Buh-bye Scientology. 

It seems that pseudo-science “religion” Scientology didn’t play fair, (do they ever?) so it was time for Wikipedia to kick the bullies off the playground. Well, sort of.

Allow us to explain.

Of course you can still read about the cult on Wikipedia as their listing has NOT been banned from Wikipedia, but rather Scientology-based IP addresses.

Essentially, the Wikipedia arbitration committee voted unanimously to block IP addresses associated with the cult from editing their site, as they were doing it from multiple IP addresses called sockpuppet and meatpuppet accounts. But like all things on the internet, it’s a little more complicated than that.

This ban got VERY confusing to me once I started reading into Wikipedia’s full decision and all the mumbo jumbo, but we will do out best to explain.

The Huffington Post explains it a lot better that I can:

Wikipedia has banned the Church of Scientology and its members from editing its site after discovering that members of the church were editing articles in order to give the church favorable coverage.

The move is being hailed as “an unprecedented effort to crack down on self-serving edits,” and it is the first instance in which Wikipedia has banned a group as large as the Church of Scientology.

The Register reports:

According to evidence turned up by admins in this long-running Wikiland court case, multiple editors have been “openly editing [Scientology-related articles] from Church of Scientology equipment and apparently coordinating their activities.” Leaning on the famed WikiScanner, countless news stories have discussed the editing of Scientology articles from Scientology IPs, and some site admins are concerned this is “damaging Wikipedia’s reputation for neutrality.”

One admin tells The Reg that policing edits from Scientology machines has been particularly difficult because myriad editors sit behind a small number of IPs and, for some reason, the address of each editor is constantly changing. This prevents admins from determining whether a single editor is using multiple Wikipedia accounts to game the system. In Wikiland, such sockpuppeting is not allowed.

The Wikicourt considered banning edits from Scientology IPs only on Scientology-related articles. But this would require admins to “checkuser” editors – i.e. determine their IP – every time an edit is made. And even then they may not know who’s who.

The case— the fourth Scientology-related dispute on the site in four years — opened in December 2008 and closed Thursday with the Wikipedia arbitration committee voting unanimously to block IP addresses associated with the Church from editing the site.

“The purpose of Wikipedia is to create a high-quality, free-content encyclopedia in an atmosphere of camaraderie and mutual respect among contributors,” part of the decision read. “Use of the encyclopedia to advance personal agendas – such as advocacy or propaganda and philosophical, ideological or religious dispute – or to publish or promote original research is prohibited.”

“Editors who access Wikipedia through an organization’s IP address and who edit Wikipedia articles which relate to that organization have a presumptive conflict of interest,” it continued. “Regardless of these editors’ specific relationship to that organization or function within it, the organization itself bears a responsibility for appropriate use of its servers and equipment. If an organization fails to manage that responsibility, Wikipedia may address persistent violations of fundamental site policies through blocks or bans.”
Read the full decision.

So there you have it.

Scientology is currently in court in France and being charged with:

“Illicit practices in attempts to sell their alleged self-help material. The Church also faces charges of illegally operating as a pharmacy by illegally treating individuals with prescription medications”.

It is rumored that Norway may follow suit. There are also many other suits filed from ex cult members. And a myriad of books of their horrid experiences is expected to follow.

So once again I have to say (and with glee) it looks like Scientology’s days are numbered. KUDOS to Wikipedia for not being bullied, and doing the right thing. It’s a start.

Now if only the US would grow some balls, refuse to have their pockets padded and pay attention to the MOUNTAIN of complaints, videos of protesters getting assaulted, evidence of fair game, ex member testimonies and books that were written and all the reports that were filed with the FBI, then maybe we could declare this a major step.

Truly, I don’t know what the US government is waiting for. I understand these things take time, but with every day that ticks by, it is another day that a Scientology Sea Org member suffers, and thousands of family members miss their children that they haven’t seen in years.

It’s one more day that Scientology bilks it’s members out of more money. It’s one more day that someone gets brainwashed. It’s another day of punishment for someone on the Sea Org’s RPF. It’s another day of exhaustion and going to bed hungry. It’s another day a girl gets forced into aborting her child.

Time is precious, let’s not give the cult one more day to harm people. Let’s not let them trick one more person into buying their “Bridge To Nowhere.”

This week in Twittering Celebrity twatter we have two very different twittery stories.

Perpetual 12-year old and cougar-lover Ashton Kutcher threatened to quit that Twitter-bitch if they teamed up to do a reality show, ‘cuz you know, Kutcher’s above that sort of thing. Anyone remember “Punk’d?”

CNN reports:

Ashton Kutcher — Twitter’s top tweeter — warned he may pull the plug on his tweeting if the micro-blogging service partners on a reality TV show.

“It’s all fun and games until somebody gets stalked,” Kutcher wrote in a Twitter posting late Monday.

Variety magazine reported Monday that San Francisco-based Twitter.com had partnered with TV producers Reveille and Brillstein Entertainment on an unscripted show that would be “putting ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format.”

Twitter co-founder Biz Stone said there was “no official Twitter TV show” in the works, but “we have a lightweight, non-exclusive, agreement with the producers which helps them move forward more freely.”

Kutcher used Twitter to post a link to a news report about the partnership along with this message: “Wow I hope this isn’t true. I really don’t like being sold out. May have to take a twitter hiatus.”

The actor, who boasts a record 2 million Twitter followers, frequently posts updates that take fans behind the scenes of his life and his current movie production — “Five Killers.”

“Five Killers” director Robert Luketic, who caught Kutcher’s Twitter addiction, also suggested he would disappear from the Twitterverse.

“Ahh yeah. If this is true my shop is closed,” Luketic tweeted in response to Kutcher’s message.

Kutcher challenged CNN last month in a race to 1 million Twitter followers, which he won. His following has almost doubled that in the five weeks since.

His wife, actress Demi Moore, also threatened to shut down her Twitter account, which has more than 1 million followers.

“I hope this isn’t true — if it is, our Twitter time may come to a quick and sad end!” Moore tweeted Monday.

Bitch PUHHHHLLEEEAAASSEE! Ever since Ashton teamed up with that stale botoxed sandwich Demi, he’s been a wet blanket full of twatty-ness. When these two aren’t crying about the non-issues like being “harassed by paparazzi” they are posting gross pictures of Demi’s ass or her missing toof. I can honestly not think of a more annoying couple, and that’s including Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. *ahem*

Losing Ashton and Demi’s voice in the “twitterverse” would be a Godsend, so please let the stalking begin if that’s what it takes. Two less twits twittering, where’s the downside?

On the upside, it’s nice to hear some celebs are using the blabbering-tool for the good of others. The NIN brainchild, Trent Reznor is using his twittering to help raise funds for Eric De La Cruz, the brother of CNN correspondent Veronica De La Cruz. Eric, who’s only 27, is dying from a rare condition and needs a heart transplant. When Reznor heard about the efforts to help save Eric, he decided to get involved and used his Twitter following to raise donations for Eric. More from BNET:

But, as the De La Cruz family is learning, then there is the power of rock n roll. Trent Reznor, who is better known as Nine Inch Nails and who is currently on a revival tour, found out about Eric’s case and posted via Twitter and the Nin website an offer way too good to refuse.

Donate money to Eric’s cause and you can hang out backstage with Nine Inch Nails during their tour. Over the space of about 48 hours, according to my sources as well as posts on Twitter, the group has raised around a quarter million dollars to help Eric’s chances of obtaining his heart transplant.

That amount is now in the $850,000 range and growing. Click on Trent’s page to learn more about how to help Eric.

Now, it’s no secret I would have had Trent Reznor’s goth babies (’except he’s now engaged, and well, I am married and beyond having bay-beh friends) so I guess you could say I am a bit biased. This however, does NOT mean I am wrong. Twitter (and yes Glosslip has an account in case you wish to follow our occasional tweets) is like any social networking tool, it can be used for good, like Trent is using it, or it can be used to annoy the hell out of people, like Ashton and Demi insist on doing.

The tool is only as good as the tools using it, and let’s face it, Ashton is a complete tool. Also, I CAN’T wait until Demi’s entire face and body collapse under the weight of all the plastic and botox she’s injected into and she finally looks her age. We’ll see how long Ashton hangs around for that nightmare.

Tick tock tick tock…Father Time awaits you Demi

There are only a handful of celebrities who annoy me enough to make me fantasize about punching them violently in the face. Spencer Pratt’s one of them, Donald Trump’s another, but John Mayer, well I don’t want to punch him in the face so much as knee him as hard as possible in the groin, destroying any chance he might have of reproducing anything that contains his DNA.

Now hear me out before you write me off for being a borderline maniac. I have good reason for my ire, and it can be summed up with this little gem from Us Magazine:

“I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn’t,” the singer posted on Twitter Tuesday.

Mayer has romanced Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and Cameron Diaz, among other Hollywood babes.

Mayer goes on to explain the difference between “douches,” “famewhores” and “showbiz types.”

“‘Showbiz types’ are people who grew up talking to themselves alone in a room for hours until they found some sort of outlet,” Mayer posted on Twitter.

“Once they found that outlet, everything fell into place, except for the fact that they still never worked out why they still talk so much,” continued Mayer, who has so much to say, he once held a press conference with paparazzi after splitting from Aniston.

“So you see, though filled with deep emotional voids that can never be filled, Showbiz Types are an important part of our Nation’s tapestry,” continues Mayer.

Guess what Mayer considers himself.

“I’m a Showbiz Type. (cue penny whistle and marching drums) But I am not a douche!!” Mayer added.

Au contraire, mon frère, people think you are a douche John, for the sole reason that you felt it necessary to even share the above witicisms with the world. The non-showbiz types, as you call them, don’t care about who you’ve dated, because they live in the real world, where real women, with real personalities, real lives and dare I say, real boobs, live. And despite what you think, nailing c-list chubbies like Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt does not make you some kind of renaissance man, but rather a dude with low-self esteem. And when you finally did date high-end chicks like Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz, you clearly didn’t have what it takes to keep them interested, and therefore you are making up for what you so clearly lack, by bragging about it.

You sir, Mr. Mayer, suffer from what we in the real-world call a blistering case of fucktarditis, which is a symptom of too much money and fame, and not enough talent. So, instead of worrying about what you THINK is the reason dudes (and chicks) see you as a raging d-bag, you should be worrying about how you will make ends meet once you’ve worn out your welcome and your 15-minutes are up.

Or to put it another way, since you fancy yourself as some kind of gifted musician, ask yourself what would Mick Jagger do? The answer is, nail the hotties and keep his mouth shut. You should try doing to same, though you will never be a Mick Jagger and I apologize to Mick for the comparison.

It’s been a while since I posted about our old friend Herperodite (aka Paris Hilton). It was a good run while it lasted. Oh well, back to the dumbest ho in Hollywood.

Apparently, Paris and her fake boyfriend Doug Reinhardt got their asses beat at a club recently and she was so worked up about it (read: indignant, pompous) that she took to her blog to moan about it. Straight from the Wonky’s meathole:

Clearing a few things up
Just checking in to say hello and clear a few things up. I’ve been getting a lot of calls and emails regarding these subjects I’m about to discuss. First of all, last night at a club my boyfriend and I were assaulted for no reason at all. The DJ (I don’t even know his name cause he sucks so bad) was playing the worst music ever! I like certain techno music, but this was not even danceable and was frankly giving me a migraine. I asked one of my friends who runs the hotel if he could change the music and he said ” I’ll lead you up to the DJ booth tell him and he’ll play whatever you want.” So he walked Doug and I over there. I asked the DJ if he could please play Daft Punk or Bob Sinclair and he rudely snapped at me and was like ‘I only play this kind of music.” I think he was jealous cause Bob Sinclair is a far better DJ then this guy by about a million times. He was so unbelievably rude and all because I asked to play one good song. Then out of nowhere his bodyguard (don’t ask me why he has a bodyguard, like he really needs one. Ha) pushed me really hard, that’s when my boyfriend, like my knight in shining armor, stepped in and told the guy to keep his hands off of me. Then all hell broke loose, it was like something out of a fight movie, it was so frightening. I had never seen anything like it in my life. Doug was fighting off like 6 guys. But he was of course stronger then them all but one of the idiots punched him in the face and busted open his lip. There was blood all over, I cried I was so upset and scared. It was ridiculous and for such a stupid reason, I cannot believe people behave this way, like ainmals! FYI this is not in my nature to be in club brawls, I;ve never been around anything like that. It was totally unprovoked and thank God Doug was there to rescue me. A man should NEVER put his hands on a woman in that manner.

Did you get all that? Paris had a headache, blah, blah, blah music sucked, blah, blah, blah, Paris is pushy, annoying, blah, blah, blah, fake boyfriend gets his ass kicked for associating with the self-important and disease ridden. See, I saved you 30 extra sentences.

How does a person like Paris Hilton live with themselves, knowing full well that half of the world’s population actively despises them? Piles of money must help.

Lucky for me I am not famous, significantly reducing the number of people who actively despise me.

First off, Christian Bale could punch orphans in the face and kick box a litter of kittens and I would still have weepy dreams about him, but dude is off the reservation a bit in the audio file linked here.

While filming scenes for Terminator Salvation, apparently it was amateur hour in the lighting department, because the gentleman who raised the ire of Christian had the temerity to wander on set while Bale was shooting a scene, which apparently is some kind of pet peeve of his.

Christian, who is known for having a bit of a “temper” shall we say, used the nuclear option on this guy and dropped every form of the F-bomb known in the English language. Towards the end, Bale was so worked up over this “unprofessional” lighting guy’s transgressions, he not only demanded the guy get canned, but he threatens to kick the guy’s ass. SO DAMN HOT!

To Christian’s credit, he did say “You’re a nice guy, but that won’t f*ckin’ cut it when you’re bullsh*tting around on the set.”

Look, I know everyone’s going to use this as an excuse to wail on Bale (hehe, I rhymed), but I think he’s a bit misunderstood. A guy like Bale takes his job seriously, he clearly gets into his role and into some kind of mental space where he can’t easily slip in and out of reality. Also, some people can have outbursts like this and still be decent people. Yeah, I am talking about myself, so back off.

To put it another way, it’d be like sneaking up on da Vinci while he’s putting the final touches on the Mona Lisa. You just don’t do that sort of thing. And I am sure if you did, Leonardo would shove his paintbrush in your cerebellum.

Ok, maybe not, but still, you get my drift. In the meantime, Christian, if you are feeling stressed and bit overwhelmed, I will cheerfully make you a nice cup of Earl Grey (he’s English and all) and rub your temples, or whatever.

I watched the Hillary Clinton speech (linked above) at the DNC last night and I was a bit concerned about how this would all go over, because if you listen to the media, there is a major riff in the Democratic Party, and now is NOT the time for such things. For Senator Clinton’s part, she was fabulous. Now, if only her supporters would get behind her and their party.

While I am clearly leaning towards Barack Obama at this point in the race, I am still open to seeing what the next couple of months with reveal. I do not dislike McCain, I do, however, dislike his slimy, over-the-top negative ads. Instead of turning me, a centrist independent, towards him, McCain’s poorly crafted and hastily thought out ads are driving me further away. I don’t want comparisons to celebs or mindless attack ads. I just want to know where the man stands on important and fundamental issues. That’s it, that’s all I want to hear about, read about and understand. The rest is just noise.

Now, as for the whole Hillary/Obama controversy, I blame the angry, selfish, and teeth-gnashing delegates and crazed supporters of Hillary for NOT LETTING IT THE EFF GO. I am sorry your candidate didn’t win the nomination or get the VP nod. It sucks, believe me, I have had to live for 8 years under the Bush/Cheney legacy of failed leadership. I honestly can’t remember a time when I have felt MORE insecure as a citizen of this nation, as I have with these two men running the country. I didn’t vote for them, but alas, I am still a citizen of the U.S. and I pay my taxes, follow the rules and respect the law of the land regardless. I am proud to be an American – in spite of who the other side of the aisle put in charge.

McCain, no matter what, would be a ENORMOUS improvement over Bush Cheney, but Barack Obama as president could bring a new vision and fresh perspective this country DESPERATELY NEEDS. When I hear about these protesters and delegates turning their back on their country, their party and their responsibility to this nation, it makes me want to vomit.

Hillary said emphatically, unequivocally and without hesitation in her speech that Democrats must come together and make sure we move away from the Republican leadership which brought us 9/11, the costly (in lives and finances) Iraq war, a deficit which will leave our children digging us out for years to come, mortgage and bank failures, an energy crisis, inflation, recession and a false sense of security which could be shattered at any minute by some new enemy we created because of our failed foreign policies.

I don’t blame McCain, but I do blame Republicans for this fiasco. So it is with this in mind that I am DISGUSTED to my very marrow, that there are people who call themselves Democrats and public servants who would sooner turn over the power to the Republican party, than suck up their pride and come together to help build a stronger nation. GET THE EFF OVER YOURSELVES, Hillary said MOVE ON and SUPPORT your nominated Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama, who WON, fair and square.

Shame on you Hillary supporters who refuse to accept what’s best for all of us, and for turning your back on this nation.

(Editor’s note: this post represents the views of the writer, Dawn Olsen only – in other words, don’t blame k.)

HERO

All the shallow people in the world who are making nasty comments about Michael Phelps’ appearance exemplify why the world is going to hell in a hand-basket. Michael has brought joy and pride to the United States representing us in the 2008 Olympic games, he has accomplished feats we can only dream about, he loves his mom, he’s gives back to his community and has a work-ethic we should all strive for, yet all I keep reading about in the rags is how “unattractive” he is.

GROW UP people, not everything is life is about looks. Not all things center around people’s appearance. Not to mention the fact that I think Michael is perfectly handsome, but I tend to value what comes from the inside more than the outside, so I don’t expect everyone to have the same aesthetic viewpoint I have.

As for the Amanda Beard/Michael Phelps dating story, he’s WAY TOO GOOD for any athlete who cheapens her talents by posing for Playboy. Why not let the sluts with self-esteem issues do spreads, and the athletes set good examples for our youth? Yeah I am talking to you AMANDA. I am not sure what’s more disgusting, the despicable way you spoke about a teammate, or or your tasteless visage plastered all over the web?

When asked about whether she’s dating the world’s greatest Olympian, did Amanda really need to respond with “Ewww, gross,” or “I have better taste than that?” All I can say is her taste is all in her mouth. And most likely, that’s not all she puts in there.

If I ain’t being too blunt.

HORE! (same letters with a little rearrangement)

Jennifer dumped John. John dumped Jennifer. Who the hell cares and how does this qualify as news on CNN?

I blame Jennifer Aniston for dating a piece of human garbage like douchey-crooner John Mayer. Clearly Jennifer has the world’s WORST taste in men. Her habit of dating incredibly immature guys, who have a long and checkered history of being afraid of commitment is probably not in her best interest, but none of this excuses John Mayer from running his yap to the paps about who broke up with whom.

Jennifer, as the CNN video reports, is a pretty private person and tends to keep mum on her personal life to the paps. And who can blame her? With Aniston’s heartaches played out in the press for years, and years, AND YEARS (Brangeloonies anyone?), why would she give the media more fuel for their humiliation pyre?

But alas, there’s no accounting for class. Or decorum, or taste, or dignity, apparently.

I hope Jennifer learns a valuable lesson from this. Anyone willing to date Jessica Simpson is probably someone Aniston should cross off her list of potential suitors.

As for you John Mayer, can you do us all a favor? Shut your flapping meathole before it ends up looking like your destined-to-be-diseased weenis. Ask yourself John, in what way are you improving the world? If you are “waiting for the world to change,” how about your start with yourself you attention-obsessed mouth-breather.