VS.

The only thing more unsavory than writing about celebs, is writing about sites who write about celebs. It’s a well known fact (at least to us) that Glosslip thinks Gawker is force-fed on over-priced wine and cheap pate. Just because they own a thesaurus, this has somehow given them the impression they are cooler than the rest of us “hacks.” The reality is, their parading themselves around like the school valedictorian is just a sham to cover up for the fact, that they like all of us in this business, want to be the slutty cheerleader who gets to toss off the quarterback. It’s a blog eat blog world.

Some background to this sissy-fight. TMZ, the brain-child of Harvey Levin did something tasteless yesterday, and this got Gawker all in a tizzy. The original post has been edited, but according to Gawker, TMZ reported American Idol finalist Elliot Yamin’s mother died, and they used the opportunity to make a tasteless joke. Gawker says:

“They made fun of someone’s dead mother. In a piece posted yesterday afternoon they wrote: “The mother of ‘American Idol’ contestant Elliott Yamin died last night in Richmond, Va. She was 65.

 Claudette Yamin had been hospitalized over the weekend…
Yamin finished in 3rd place in 2006 on ‘Idol,’ behind Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks — who, like Mrs. Yamin, will never be heard from again.” Commenters were upset in their usual thoughtful, Socratic way and TMZ eventually acknowledged the thoughtless remarks toward the end of the day. Mind you I say “acknowledged,” not “apologized for.”

Yep, that’s tacky. Then again, this is tabloid journalism, decorum is a rarity. Gawker postulates on why they are in fact BETTER than TMZ:

You know what’s funny about TMZ? No, I’m… uh, I’m actually asking. The site is so screechy and repugnant that I always have to click away before I can remember to look for anything remotely amusing. The way they eagerly roll around in pop shit and gleefully smear it everywhere, because it’s so campy and naughty, reminds me of the dumb queens from high school and their haggish friends who would shriek and think they were hysterical because they said “cum dumpster.” I can find nothing entertaining or redeeming in any of the site’s content. It’s all just base and poorly written and arbitrarily amoral. I’m just as complicit in the whole awful celebrity-industrial complex as they are, but good god let’s try to have a little style while we ruin people’s lives, eh? Shut this thing down, please. Oh, and the wretched TV show too. There is no reason to see and hear Harvey Levin and his army of smug little shits every goddamn day.

They easily could have reported the debased incident and left it at that, then again, Gawker really is the tattle-tailing type. When I picture Gawker in my head, (really a collective of writers) I picture the class suck-up who does extra-credit to boost their already weighted 4.25 GPA to cover up for the fact they masturbate constantly to pictures of Hillary Clinton (old school style). You just know they were the kid the teacher put in charge when she left the room, and while everyone else was drawing penises and boobs on the chalkboard, they were taking detailed notes to hand in assuring detentions for everyone. Lulzkillers, that’s Gawker.

Maybe it’s a NY vs. LA thing, but there’s something very ironic and sort of sad when a site which prides itself on being some sort of intellectual standard for “tabloid” journalism starts wagging its finger at the trouble-makers.

Not only is Gawker not qualitatively different from TMZ, both shoving and pushing to bring you their own brand of tawdriness, but with Gawker you are forced to swallow the stagnant air of pretentiousness they blanket their reporting with.

At least TMZ doesn’t pretend to be something more than they are: a greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray. Whereas Gawker thinks if you dress it up with sprig of parsley you suddenly have yourself a picnic al fresco.

Hey, does that make Glosslip a palette cleanser?

And jeans tight enough to show what religion you are need not apply:

She said: “I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops-exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt.

“Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!”

The jeans will come out as part of Beckham’s dVb label. She told men’s fashion website DNR: “These are not skinny jeans. They are what I call proper men’s jeans.

“If you are a man that likes really skinny jeans, very fashiony, this isn’t really the line for you. I didn’t want anything too tight around the crotch.

“That really repulses me. It might be fashionable, but you are not going to get that from dVb.”

While she’s at it, she gets in a little dig at people who don’t do their fashionista homework:

Beckham, the creative director of the brand, went on: “I’ve used the best Japanese denim, and I think I’ve created a fit that is very flattering and very comfortable.

“I’m a complete control freak and I want everything to be perfect. I’m not doing a Britney Spears and just putting my name on something and saying, ‘Sell this perfume.’

Ooooh, burn.  I believe homegirl has a case of the OCD.  But she does have a point…if I had my name on something, I’d be sure to know everything about it before I ever let it go out with my signature.  People associate it with you.  I’d definitely want to make sure the product, be it jeans or perfume or microwave popcorn, was top-notch.  Unlike Curious.  So anyway:

The jeans, sourced in Asia and Morocco, will retail from $220 to $285 USD, she said. They are expected to be sol

Wait, what?  These are still jeans, right?  They don’t have diamonds or jewels embedded in them, correct?  They are denim, which is basically cotton twill, right?  They don’t come with motorized zippers or a pocket full of cash?

And people actually pay prices like this?  For jeans?

I think I’ve just met people who annoy me more than Mad Posh.

Don’t you know how people are, nobody loves you when you’re down on the floor after you fell off your shoes because they’re stupid and everybody is laughing at you?  (My apologies to John Anderson)

Baby needs a new pair of shoes, but these are evidently for people with more money than brains:

The 5 1/2in creations by Briton Antonio Berardi can hardly be described as high heels, since they lack the most important part - a heel.

For the bargain price of £1,800, the wearer will get to totter around with all her weight balanced on a thickened platform sole.

Unsurprisingly, fashionistas are jostling to buy a pair.

Stars including Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman invested in a black patent version costing more than £1,100, shortly after they were unveiled in Berardi’s spring/summer collection in Paris.

And Victoria Beckham apparently has a snakeskin pair.

They are going on sale in Browns stores in London, where they have to be ordered up to five weeks in advance.

Lincolnshire-born Berardi, 39, said he was inspired by Latin American music and 1980s post-modernism, adding: “When you walk, it is almost on tiptoe. You look really dainty.”

Uhm, no you don’t.  You look like an idiot.

Maybe this explains the “dainty” appeal of the shoes:

A spokesman for his Paris-based fashion house said: “The shoe has a bigger platform sole which stretches back further than normal and gives support under the arch of the foot.

“When walking though, you have to put your toe rather than your heel down first and you cannot wear them for very long.

“They are not dangerous because you would have to lean quite far back before you fell over.”

A reminder…don’t drink and couture. 

Seriously…$3600 to traipse around on my tippietoes, with my foot bent into a position feet are not meant to be bent into, just for a pair of shoes?  No thanks…I’ll stick to my crocs.  At least my feet don’t hurt and I don’t have bunions the size of ostrich eggs.

Oh yeah…and at least I have a brain and know how to use it to be individual, instead of being a slave to every crazy fashion that clomps down the runway.

We here at GlossLip are not immune to the plethora of lovey-dovey sentiments that rain down on Valentine’s Day (or, as it is more commonly known, The Day Card, Chocolate, And Flower Companies Recoup All Their Losses For The Year Day).  So, we decided to see just which Conversation Hearts our favorite celebs might be receiving this V-Day.

And yes, these are actual sayings off actual Conversation Hearts that I purchased at an actual store and am actually munching on now.  I have sat here and laboriously picked through them, searching for just the right ones, drawing from a bowl purchased specifically for this auspicious occasion.  Oh, the sacrifices I make for my art.

But wait, there’s more…

Faced with slow ticket sales and not much interest in her concerts, Avril Lavigne held a press conference to try to get people to pay attention to the fact that yes, as of March 5 she is going on tour:

More energy and her biggest stage show ever is what Avril Lavigne is promising on her upcoming two-month-long “The Best Damn Tour,” which kicks off March 5 in Victoria, Canada.

“My inspiration for this record, a lot of it came from the live show and knowing what kind of songs I wanted to play live,” Lavigne told reporters today (Feb. 11) during a teleconference. “I wanted to play fast, fun songs. I love playing songs like ‘Sk8er Boi’ onstage because the crowd just reacts, and I love it when everyone is freaking out and jumping.

“My last record, ‘Under My Skin,’ was pretty mid-tempo and darker, so every song was like bri

Hey, wanna ride bikes?

I have a dream that one day I will live in a nation where a big monster will rise up from the Atlantic Ocean and knock the head off the Statue of Liberty, and after it plays ten-pin with it then the monster will go hunting for my wife, while the rest of New York cowers in fear inside torn-up buildings, and when it finds her it will take its big teeth and…

Wait…what?

That pop you just heard was Hillary’s head exploding.  Twice.

If Dunkin Donuts offered ME money to shill their crappy-ass coffee, well I’d drink that stuff until my pee was a regular automatic drip. But not Rachel Ray, NOOOOO, she’s too good to drink the coffee of the people who help pay her bills, and put frumpy clothes on her back.

I feel stupid even covering this story, because honestly there really ARE more important things in life than bratty celebs biting the hand that feeds them, but since Rachel Ray is so incredibly annoying, grating, irritating and dumpy, I gave in to my inner beeyotch and went for the easy target.

According to New York Magazine’s “Grub Street” sources caught Rachel having a celebesque moment:

So a friend of mine was on set last week as Rachael Ray filmed her latest Dunkin’ Donuts commercial. According to her, Rachael stormed onto the set and snapped at everyone. Not news, I know, everyone knows she’s actually a gigantic asshole. BUT! I am also told she took one sip of her Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, yelled “What is this shit? Get me MY coffee,” and would not continue until she was given “her” coffee — i.e., Starbucks.

The article also suggested perhaps it this type of “uppity” behavior which has lead to a mass exodus from her magazine, Everyday With Rachel Ray.

On a more personal note, if I want a damn donut I’ll go to Krispy Kreme to get my lard on, but everyone knows you don’t go to Dunkin’ Donuts for their coffee. Or the donuts I guess, but definitely NOT the coffee.

This is a perfect example of the lack of integrity within our advertising and marketing world. These celebs will whore themselves out for a buck, even if they don’t believe in/or use the product themselves. WTF?

Why is Rachel Ray famous? Can anyone explain this?

Yes, it’s that time of year again, the time when the overhyped crap that the average person lived just fine without until Oprah pointed out how empty their lives are without them is put on display at the Oprah show.  Once again, Oprah has unveiled her list of her Favorite Things to her sheep blind followers mindless masses viewing audience, who will now rush out to buy everything that has Oprah’s magic touch on it, and guess what’s at the top of her list?

Oprah’s giving the most expensive gift in Oprah’s Favorite Things history to her loyal viewers in Macon—LG HDTV Refrigerator LSC27991. It’s a top-of-the-line, high-tech entertainment center with a LCD TV, DVD hookup, radio and slideshow option to display your favorite digital photos.

With the press of a button, you can also access your five-day weather forecast and view more than 100 built-in recipes. LG has even volunteered to remove our lucky audience members’ old fridges and either recycle them or give them to families in need. “LG has literally thought of everything!” Oprah says.

Okay, WOAH.  Back up the truck.

This, my friends, is a refrigerator.  A fridge.  You keep your milk and eggs and lettuce and leftover Thanksgiving turkey in it.  It keeps your pop cold.  The freezer part keeps your ice cream from being runny.  It’s a REFRIGERATOR.  Um…HELLO?

And do you know what this little electronic marvel will set you back?  About $3800.

Who would pay almost $4000 USD for a fridge?  I mean, SERIOUSLY.  The advances in fridge technology are great…they have technology that keeps your lettuce crispier and your pop colder and your eggs more perfecter than ever before.  And that’s great…because that is what a FRIDGE is SUPPOSED to do.

But come on.  Are we really so lazy that we can’t walk into the other room to view the weather report on the TV?  Do we have to have a video slideshow in the kitchen?  Must we be entertained constantly with a DVD player, even when we’re cooking?  Oh wait…I forgot, Oprah doesn’t cook, she has minions to do that for her.  My bad.

And how nice that LG is removing the old fridges from the audience’s homes and donating them to “families in need.”  Sorry, you aren’t good enough for a $4000 fridge, but you can have this old icebox.  And if you want to know the weather, you’ll have to walk outside.  Just a little something to remember…if it’s cold, that means it’s either wintertime or Hell froze over because Oprah did something without thinking of ratings and the bottom dollar first.

“And whereas Madonna wrote the book on sex, Prince wrote the Bible, Janet Jackson preached it, and Aguilera translated it, Spears has yet to read it.”

-Salon.com

Somehow this doesn’t seem fair.  Britney has more money than she knows what to do with, and can just go down to the local Mercedes dealer and walk off the lot with a new Mercedes AMG SL65, with a V-12 and 604 horsepower.  She’s got tons of money to throw at this and at partying and drugs (there’s a hearing today on that, y’all) and about a bazillion Fraps and bags of Cheetos, but I can’t get a decent-sized vehicle to drive out of state to visit my father (from whom I am not estranged, mainly because I didn’t do anything stupid to drive a wedge between us).

V-12?  604 horsepower?  Brit probably doesn’t even know what that means.  The salesman who drew up her paperwork probably made a killing on commission…he could have told her the glove compartment dispenses Starbucks and the exhaust shoots out candy canes, and she would have believed him plus signed up for the McDonald’s Drive-Thru discount.  She probably thinks there are 604 My Little Ponies under the hood making it go fast.  What gas price crunch?  She runs over a pap’s foot with that thing, it’ll be halfway down the street before he even realizes it is gone.

Look at all those guys standing there watching.  They’re probably thinking about how much scrubbing they’re going to have to do on the seats in her trade-in after she’s drove it around all summer with no underwear on.  Did she ever wash the Starbucks off that thing?

Do they give out cookies in car dealerships now?  That’s probably why she decided to trade…look, free cookies!

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a four-door used Cherokee?  My dad’s out of state and he wants to see me…