And jeans tight enough to show what religion you are need not apply:

She said: “I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops-exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt.

“Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!”

The jeans will come out as part of Beckham’s dVb label. She told men’s fashion website DNR: “These are not skinny jeans. They are what I call proper men’s jeans.

“If you are a man that likes really skinny jeans, very fashiony, this isn’t really the line for you. I didn’t want anything too tight around the crotch.

“That really repulses me. It might be fashionable, but you are not going to get that from dVb.”

While she’s at it, she gets in a little dig at people who don’t do their fashionista homework:

Beckham, the creative director of the brand, went on: “I’ve used the best Japanese denim, and I think I’ve created a fit that is very flattering and very comfortable.

“I’m a complete control freak and I want everything to be perfect. I’m not doing a Britney Spears and just putting my name on something and saying, ‘Sell this perfume.’

Ooooh, burn.  I believe homegirl has a case of the OCD.  But she does have a point…if I had my name on something, I’d be sure to know everything about it before I ever let it go out with my signature.  People associate it with you.  I’d definitely want to make sure the product, be it jeans or perfume or microwave popcorn, was top-notch.  Unlike Curious.  So anyway:

The jeans, sourced in Asia and Morocco, will retail from $220 to $285 USD, she said. They are expected to be sol

Wait, what?  These are still jeans, right?  They don’t have diamonds or jewels embedded in them, correct?  They are denim, which is basically cotton twill, right?  They don’t come with motorized zippers or a pocket full of cash?

And people actually pay prices like this?  For jeans?

I think I’ve just met people who annoy me more than Mad Posh.

Don’t you know how people are, nobody loves you when you’re down on the floor after you fell off your shoes because they’re stupid and everybody is laughing at you?  (My apologies to John Anderson)

Baby needs a new pair of shoes, but these are evidently for people with more money than brains:

The 5 1/2in creations by Briton Antonio Berardi can hardly be described as high heels, since they lack the most important part - a heel.

For the bargain price of £1,800, the wearer will get to totter around with all her weight balanced on a thickened platform sole.

Unsurprisingly, fashionistas are jostling to buy a pair.

Stars including Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman invested in a black patent version costing more than £1,100, shortly after they were unveiled in Berardi’s spring/summer collection in Paris.

And Victoria Beckham apparently has a snakeskin pair.

They are going on sale in Browns stores in London, where they have to be ordered up to five weeks in advance.

Lincolnshire-born Berardi, 39, said he was inspired by Latin American music and 1980s post-modernism, adding: “When you walk, it is almost on tiptoe. You look really dainty.”

Uhm, no you don’t.  You look like an idiot.

Maybe this explains the “dainty” appeal of the shoes:

A spokesman for his Paris-based fashion house said: “The shoe has a bigger platform sole which stretches back further than normal and gives support under the arch of the foot.

“When walking though, you have to put your toe rather than your heel down first and you cannot wear them for very long.

“They are not dangerous because you would have to lean quite far back before you fell over.”

A reminder…don’t drink and couture. 

Seriously…$3600 to traipse around on my tippietoes, with my foot bent into a position feet are not meant to be bent into, just for a pair of shoes?  No thanks…I’ll stick to my crocs.  At least my feet don’t hurt and I don’t have bunions the size of ostrich eggs.

Oh yeah…and at least I have a brain and know how to use it to be individual, instead of being a slave to every crazy fashion that clomps down the runway.

We here at GlossLip are not immune to the plethora of lovey-dovey sentiments that rain down on Valentine’s Day (or, as it is more commonly known, The Day Card, Chocolate, And Flower Companies Recoup All Their Losses For The Year Day).  So, we decided to see just which Conversation Hearts our favorite celebs might be receiving this V-Day.

And yes, these are actual sayings off actual Conversation Hearts that I purchased at an actual store and am actually munching on now.  I have sat here and laboriously picked through them, searching for just the right ones, drawing from a bowl purchased specifically for this auspicious occasion.  Oh, the sacrifices I make for my art.

But wait, there’s more…

Who?  Oh yeah, that one guy who tells us who dressed horribly the year before.   Anyway, he has decided that Mad Posh, also known as Victoria Beckham, was his official Worst Dressed Celebrity of 2007:

The fashion maven’s 48th Annual Worst Dressed Women List, released Tuesday, placed the Spice Girl at number one, a dishonor that was accompanied by this biting remark: “In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty Posh can really wreck-em.”

I could have told you that without a press conference.  Glad nobody’s releasing a Worst Pun Used To Describe A Fashionista list.

I have to say, I agree with him.  Rarely have I seen a woman with so much potential to be a beautiful style icon, screw it up so badly on such a consistent basis.  I’d also like to see her favorite fashion accessory, David, on some sort of a list as well.  I’m sorry, but you can just tell these two fight for space in front of the mirror.  Your man shouldn’t look more stylish and put together than you do.

Noticeably absent from the list is Britney Spears, because he believes that she needs to get her life in order before he picks on her bad clothing choices.  Well, at least he has a heart.

But I have to agree with the other women on his list as well.  They are, in order: 

1. Victoria Beckham
2. Amy Winehouse
3. Mary-Kate Olsen
4. Fergie
5. Kelly Clarkson
6. Eva Green
7. Avril Lavigne
8. Jessica Simpson
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Alison Arngrim

WAIT a second…Alison Arngrim?  Nellie Oleson from Little House On The Prairie?  Uh oh…Mr. Blackwell’s skinny behind is in for it now.  Crazazy bizzle will kick some gay boo-tay for putting her on this list.  I hope he has a well-dressed security guard, because don’t nobody diss Nellie without some hair getting pulled out.

Now THAT’S may-jah.

I was told once to never brag about how great your sex life is or how well-endowed you man is, for someone may come along and covet what you have. I guess no one bothered to let Posh know that. In response to rumors her hubby stuffed for his photo shoot for Emporio Armani, Victoria didn’t just deny those rumors, she offered just a little too much information (at least for my delicate sensibilities).

Contact Music quotes Victoria Beckham on the now infamous Armani photo shoot:

The L.A. Galaxy player lying seductively across a bed, proudly showing off a bulging groin - which fans speculated was computer-altered. But the Spice Girl insists what’s pictured in the pair of white briefs is all his. She says, “I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!”

Wow, that’s a classy way of putting it. Any man would be proud to have their wife say he’s laying pipe the old fashioned way. What happened to discretion in the bedroom? Jeebus people, it’s the holidays, can’t we have a little decorum?

Some people just LIKE to make baby Jesus cry.

Assholes.

Did Mad Posh go under the knife and have a certain set of, um, assets downsized?  Or did she just forget her push-up bra at home?

Here is a shot of Mad Posh at the Dancing With The Stars finale:

Another shot:

Here she is at their concert about a week ago:

And here is a picture of the chesticles in all their glory:

Personally, I hope it’s true.  She looked too much like Strumpet Spice Barbie with those half-cantaloupes.  They hang correctly, they look nice.  At least now she looks relatively normal…well, as normal as she can look.

Now if she’d just smile more…

Ever wonder what your favorite celebrity wears for Halloween?  Wonder no more, we here at GlossLip have scoured the world searching for your favorite star trick-or-treater!  See who gets the good candy after the jump!

But wait, there’s more…

Mad Posh done went and got her hair did.  Which look do you like better?

Blonde Posh bob?

Or retro Spice Girls look?

The Daily Mail says it is a wig, but I’m not so sure.  As seen in the above photo, she’s let the Posh Bob grow out quite a bit, it isn’t as asymmetrical as it was before.  The new look seems to be the same only darker.

I sorta like her hair darker.  She doesn’t look all ice queen fakey LA soccer mom with it darker.  She’s quite pretty if she’d just stop trying to be the International Pout.

Apparently the new look is for the upcoming Spice Girls tour set to kick off December 2.

Okay, I admit it.  I’ve never heard a Spice Girls song, that I know of, and I had never heard Mad Posh speak until her NBC special earlier this year.  That show didnt make me a fan, either…I understood her dry “British Humour” (and yes, I got that she was being facetious and self-depreciating to Perez when she said she could never be caught smiling or eating, and she had to look miserable), but I found her entire attitude towards everything condescending and trite.  And let’s face it…seeing her constantly pouting is just irksome. She’s rich, thin, and relatively pretty, she has a loving husband and three beautiful children…what’s to look so unhappy about?

But stop the presses….it seems that Victoria can actually (wait for it) smile.  dun-dun-dunnnnnnnn

She appeared on a game show in Japan, Smap Smap (translation?) as part of promoting the upcoming Spice Girls reunion, and in the process relaxed her facial muscles and smiled for the camera.

You know, I like her smiling.  She looks nice when she smiles…she looks calm, gracious, and like she’s having fun.  Like she took the stick out of her bum.  Like she’s warm and friendly.  Like…a very pretty woman.

I like these photos…she doesn’t have the Frankentits going, she doesn’t have on some weird feathery leathery mess, the hair isn’t all did…this is an excellent look for her, and she should consider looking like this more often.  Even though they were being silly on the show, she seems to be taking it all in good humour, and that’s a very important thing to remember in one’s life, not to take oneself too seriously.

She really should consider smiling in public more often.  She doesn’t come across as “Posh Spice”, the International Pout; she comes across as Victoria Beckham, wife, mom, daughter, yes a celebrity, but an attractive woman.  It’s amazing how one simple action can change one’s entire look…she went from haughty to soft in one second.

Oh, and here’s one for you…a few weeks ago, her husband, David Beckham, actually had her laughing!  Could the more relaxed attitudes of the US be rubbing off on her?  This looks nice!

Remember, Victoria, a smile is your best fashion accessory.

mad posh iz mad
offurd meh cheezburger
do not want!

(photograph by Michael L. Smith, “The Mad Bluebird)

That’s going to be her name from this point on, from me.  This is Mad Posh, working her pout during a modeling shoot in Paris (check out the shoes….you know, I was kind of feeling this outfit until I got to the shoes):