American Idol Blows, Antonella Barba Thankfully Gone, Sanjaya Inexplicably Remains
For a person whose singing voice sent my cats into frenzied teeth-baring, claw-scratching orgies of hatred, Antonella Barba sure seemed awfully surprised to be gone last night.Â
As for the American Idol judges, they seemed relieved to not have to find new ways of saying, "Wow, that was terrifying" "Do you have throat cancer?" and "Did a werewolf tear out your larnyx? No? Damn, that's too bad!"
On a positive note, Antonella is now free to finally pursue a career in the field of her choice: porn. Will she choose hardcore or softcore? The opportunities are endless.
With Antonella Barba and the controversy of her PG-13 photos now behind us, it's hard to say what will happen to the show. Considering this is by far the most BORING AI season ever. And by boring I mean, instead of turning off the tv when it comes on, we angrily shake our fists at a blank screen and summon all our strength to not leave a grumpy on the cable box.Â
The first problem: the judges. Paula is often left mouth agape, staring blankly into space or gyrating wildly on Simon's leg like a dog in heat. Randy's become a fat parody of himself, not even trying to reinvent new ways of saying "Dawg," "You brought it" and "Who ate the last donut?"
I like Simon. I just wish he would stop using the same phrase about someone's performance reminding him of a "person singing in a lounge," but replace lounge with "cruiseline" "country fair," or "carnival." Simon needs to stop hanging out at these places. I don't think the shows are up to his standards.
Ryan Seacrest is the highlight of the show.  And just saying that made my face break out. I want to scoop him up, all 4 feet of him and put him in my pocket and carry him around to give commentary to all my daily routines. "Are you confident that you wiped your butt enough? Or could you have used more toilet paper?" "Here's a clip we put together of you picking out your groceries." "Let's give her a nice round of applause for cutting off that car and flipping the bird folks. That was an amazing performance."
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