Anna Nicole's Parenting Tips For A Sexy Baby
AM I SEXY OR WHAT?
Hold on to your hat folks, 'cuz I'm about to blow yo' mind. The latest in the ongoing Anna Nicole Smith roundtable of outrageous claims comes from legal documents filed by the deceased star's former nanny to TMZ. And the claims aren't just outrageous, they are f*cking otherworldly insane. Like Jim Jones-Koolaid crazy. Like Michael Jackson Neverland-crazy. Like the craziest nonsense you've ever read in your entire life. So crazy in fact, that if half these claims are true, Anna's death may have been the single greatest event in human history.
I am NOT responsible if your whole brain explodes after reading this.
According to a Ms. Quethlie Alexis, as Anna's former nanny, she was instructed to "underfeed" Smith's baby Dannielynn, now five-months-old, to keep her 'sexy.' From the legal affividate given to Bahamian officials, Ms. Alexis states:
"Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was 'sexy.' Ms. Marshall knew that the correct amount of baby food was 3 ounces every 3 hours ... Ms. Marshall insisted that the maximum I was to give was 2.5 ounces."
Ms. Alexis said Smith made sure she complied by "making sure the baby monitor was kept on all the time." Alexis also stated Dannielynn "is badly underweight and not thriving, as a baby should."
Now that's what I call dedication. Anna can't manage to string a coherent sentence together, but homegirl had a 24-hour monitor on her nanny making sure Dannielynn maintains her girlish baby figure. Seriously, I would have punched my fist through the back of Anna's skull were I in the room to hear this crap.
Alexis was also warned that Anna would "shoot her" if the baby ever called her "mummy." WTF kind of fruitcake thinks this kind of excrement up and then has the temerity to say outloud? Again, Anna and I would have had a throw down if her fatass threatened me. Bitch would have found herself shoved down a flight of stairs.
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