Britney Spears Knocked Up AGAIN? Someone Needs Mandatory Sterilization
Heaven only knows if this is true, but rumors abound that Britney Spears is pregnant again. Hell why not, she did a great job the first two times. Total success I say.
The always accurate, never false InTouch Magazine's lead story this week is Brit-Brit is preggo with JR Rotem's baby. They are citing email exchanges with her friends as the damning proof of her fertility, which are said to contain ultra-sounds. Apparently, JR Rotem, that fat-faced producer scum she was hanging out with is the father. InTouch says he admits it. Well, you know what they say, admitting you have a problem is half the battle. And if Britney's pregnant, we have a problem.
"It's true," he says. On November 16, she proudly e-mailed a copy of the ultrasound to her inner circle. For all her recent troubles, she seems convinced that having another baby will turn her life around — and she believes that J.R. will make a great father, even though he explicitly talked about their sex life in Blender magazine earlier this year. "Britney's not looking for another husband," an insider says. "But she does like having a man in her life."
Seriously, if this is true, and it could go 50/50 either way, this would be an act of terrorism against responsibility. It would be on scale with some of the worst atrocities known to mankind. The UN Council on Domestic Responsibility is having a special meeting at this very moment to decide how to react if this is true. I have it on good authority that the National Guard is standing by with authorization of the leaders of the free world to deal with this event using the most extreme measures.
The potential magnitude of this horror can not be underestimated. We all must brace ourselves for the worst.
