Lindsay Lohan Finds God, Or At Least A Book With His "Promises" For Your Every Whim
I love Lindsay Lohan. I find her fascinating and a sheer spectacle to behold. She reminds me of myself, only younger and with more money. Yes, I too was a ravenous slut who drank like an out-of-work Irishman, sucking down any and all white powdery substances in my path.
Did it fill the hole inside my heart? No.
Did it replace my frequently incarcerated, psychotic and absent father? No.
Did it make my mother less of a bloodsucking leech? Well no.
Did it make me more attractive? YES!
Sheesh, enough with these relentless questions. The point is, Lindsay, unlike me, found God and his promises for your every need. So you know what that means. Yeah, well neither do I. Isn't it enough that she has that abbreviated version of God's promises tailored for soul-less whores.
I mean hell, have you seen the real thing, that sh*t's complicated and long. Who has time for all that "Thou Shall Not Show Thine Firecrotch" or "Thou Shall Not F*ck Thy Neighbor" and so on and so forth? Feel free to make up your own Ten Commandments According To Lindsay Lohan.
Yes, those pics are courtesy of Flynet.
