Maroon Five's Adam Levine Reveals Sexual Dysfunction
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And by sexual dysfunction, what I mean to say is Adam Levine is incapable of keeping his fat piehole shut about his inability to satisfy his ex-girlfriend, tennis star Maria Sharapova. Levine is credited with the below quote about his former lover Sharapova as reported in The Sun:
"She wouldn’t make any noise during sex.I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration'. It was so disillusioning that I went on (anxiety disorder drug) Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."
Ok, let's dissect this revelation bit by bit.
First of all, for those people out there who identify satisfying sex with over-the-top screaming and moaning: stop watching porn. Like penises, each person is different and there's no rule that says you have to act like some kind of howler monkey in order to have good sex. If you want to moan and scream and make a general ass out of yourself and disturb the neighbors — have at it — but that does NOT mean everyone needs to express themselves vocally to prove they are having at good time. Â
Second of all, what makes Adam think that Maria is a screamer. Is there some tell-tale sign that we women are unaware of? Is it the athlete thing? Because if it is, Adam is full-on moron. What kind of retarded logic predicts that just because a woman can wipe up the tennis court with your pale, flaccid, whiny ass, that she is some kind of sex-screamer?  Or is it because she's hot? Well, I'm hot and I like to keep my closed door escapades on the "DL" -- and in no way does this diminish my hotness.
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