Spider-Man 3 Gets Ripped A New One
Holy Tapdancing Saints In The Cathedral! Spider-Man 3, which opens nationwide in theaters tomorrow, is getting the chronic beatdown by the critics. Radar Online has a whole big list of not-so-nice reviews of the third Sam Raimi installment in the extremely popular Spider-Man film series. Here's a couple of my favorites from Radar:
Rope of Silicone: "Spider-Man 3 presents a world where people come into rooms, make heartfelt speeches, and then exit for no apparent reason while the other person looks off into the distance. It's all a wacky attempt at Steel Magnolias (with webs) and it comes off as fully contrived."Dallas Observer: "It all just feels so ... Fantastic Four, so dopey and forgettable and crafted out of second-rate cheese."
Well, I actually liked Fantastic Four, but it was cheesy. Here's a few others I found on Rotten Tomatoes, which in all fairness has some nice reviews about the movie as well:
FilmsInReview: A disappointment. Spidey keeps his mask off and weeps. Everyone cries. I hated the silly monolith sad sack Sandman. Did Dunst's contract stipulate she sing two songs?Slant Magazine: Is this Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 3 or Aaron Spelling's?
Here's the thing, this film (and those like it) are about comic-book heroes. Most of which base their superhero powers around the same contrived premise: gamma rays gone right. In reality, gamma rays go wrong, usually leading to strange cancerous growths and the eventual death - so really - let's not be too harsh on Spidey. Even if it sucks out loud, which I doubt it does, it will still kick ass at the box office. Why? Because we're all kids at heart and superheroes are cool - and none are cooler than Spider-Man.The merchandising alone will make millions. My son has every freaking Spider-Man action figure and supplement toy that they could squeeze out of that franchise.
And let's face it, movie critics are a bunch of uptight, snotty, sneering d-bags anyway. Every time they say something sucks, I usually like it.
Of course, I might have really crappy taste in movies. In fact, that's a distinct possibility! Continued on the next page
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